you have one (1) new message
by Christian Richtown
Summary: As BlueSkiesandSurf on Youtube, Sora enjoys a small but loyal following and more or less a quiet internet experience. But then his fans catch wind that he looks very similar to a popular gamer and that slowly begins to change everything. [Eventual Sora x Vanitas / in progress]
1. Chapter 1

The best part of being a YouTube personality, Sora had found, was the nap he got to take after the video was finally posted. It beat waiting anxiously for comments, at any rate, and after the stressful few days of filming he'd had on his latest project, being able to disconnect from the world for a few hours to sleep with a sense of satisfaction… nothing in the world beat that.

Comments did come close, and while he slept there were always a handful waiting for him when he awoke. Also a plus to de-stress naps. He got to be warm, cozy, snuggling his latest plush creation, and feel content as he read through them.

The negative comments were blessfully few on his channel, though he supposed it was because his videos were more of a 'niche' than for wide-view watchers. He got the stuffed animal enthusiasts and sewers and general crafters, full of positivity and ideas. And maybe his watcher count wasn't nearly as high as his older brother's gaming channel, or his younger siblings' music and art channels, but he could boast the happiest watchers and he loved each and every one of them dearly.

 _You have five (5) new messages._

Sora thumbed through the comments on his email, smiling sleepily at the first reactions he'd gotten on his Papou fruit plushie. It was one of the few art dolls he'd made that didn't have a sculpting element to the face and feet, given it didn't _have_ feet and the face was sewn on, but it was definitely one of his most huggable creations and the viewers seemed as happy about that as he was.

"You're a hit, Steve," he mumbled to the plushie in question, currently being utilized as his pillow. He pat one of the star's squishy points and scrolled down to the next message.

 **Starheart13**

an amazing creation as always! I've been a

huge fan of your work for a long time and I'm

so happy to see such a soft creation! I love

watching you sculpt faces the most but this

is so cute with the sewn in smile! It's just as

cute as you are ✿ ‿ ✿

Sora blushed and smiled wider. It wasn't the first time he'd been called cute since he'd started his channel two years ago, but it was always slightly embarrassing and very flattering. And this only got worse as the final message proved to be two replies that apparently agreed with this sentiment.

He turned off his phone and stretched, covering his face with his hands and slowly dragging them down. Comments like that were always nice, he supposed, but they also made him feel every inch of his singleness. His exes had all called him cute at some point or another, after all. He blamed his baby face.

 _You have one (1) new message._

He sighed and flopped back over to read, finding yet another reply to the 'cute' comment.

 **FrozenBeast**

Starheart13, i have to agree but has anyone

else noticed how much like **VoidGamer** he

looks? They could be twins?

Sora laughed a little. Oh, but that would not go over well. Not that his fans would know, but he and Vanitas were aware of each other already and he knew he looked like him. Of course, he'd known Vanitas long enough to see the differences too. Vanitas, for one, was sharper, leaner, taller, and had a dark sort of handsomeness to him that only registered as _cute_ on Sora. He was caustic and rough and aggressive, but Sora would admit to being a devoted subscriber to **VoidGamer** if only because it was hilarious to watch Vanitas cuss out a video game, even though Ventus very much disapproved.

 _You have three (3) new messages._

"Oh boy," Sora snorted as the reply thread took off and put his phone on silent since it seemed most of his comments would be on this new discovery by his fanbase for a little while. He was a tad surprised to see how many watched both channels, or would once they looked up Vanitas. All they'd have to do was watch a single video and be hooked, the way Sora had been. Not that anyone would _ever_ know.

Though he had to wonder, just a little, how Vanitas would take the sudden influx of commenters. Because there was no way it wouldn't reach him. It was fair enough to say they'd known each other a long time, but only peripherally. Vanitas was Ventus' boyfriend-turned-ex and Sora was simply Ventus' brother-with-the-same-face. And while they'd gotten along in the brief times they shared the same space, it wasn't enough to judge… well, much of anything. Sora wasn't even sure Vanitas was aware he _had_ a YouTube channel. Vanitas would probably be super confused as to **BlueSkiesandSurf** even _was._ How hilarious to think of.

Sora grinned and sat up, giving into temptation and looking at the messages again. A few were happily not about his resemblance to Vanitas at all and he smiled reading through them, responding to one with a promise that the Papou plushie would indeed be on his Etsy once he made a few more. He got out of bed to write it down on his calender, finding some free time space to actually make said plushies around the next project he had planned… which he wasn't even sure what that was going to be.

The downside to awesome de-stress naps was waking up and realizing the cycle was about to repeat. And he was firmly in the 'Brain Freeze and Panic' part of the process. He sighed and grabbed his headphones, setting it on his Create playlist, sat cross-legged on the bed, and let himself sink into ideas.

Two hours and a headache later, Sora was still stuck, but had a few possibilities to play with. He set his playlist to something more soothing against the pain in his temples and looked at his phone again.

 _You have fifty-six (56) new messages._

"How many of those do you think are about you and not my face?" he asked Steve, who only smiled at him. He pushed on the plushies' face and snickered. "Don't worry, Steve, this will blow over eventually."

Though, he'd come to find, it was less blowing over and more blowing _him_ over.

Fans were a force of nature. He just didn't know it yet.


	2. Chapter 2

_You have one (1) new message._

Sora paused his video recorder and picked up his phone, swiping to see the message. A video alert for **VoidGamer** simply titled "WTF my dudes". Promising.

Laughing, he quickly pulled over his laptop and opened YouTube, setting on his headphones and pushing play on both the video and his recorder, given the laptop was out of view and he was nothing if not a good multitasker this far into his sculpting career.

" _Sup, losers?"_ Vanitas slid into the screen on his favorite wheeled chair, which was as much a part of Vanitas' image as his extra large headphones. As he went into his typical opening, Sora turned the mound of clay in his hands and pressed indents in where the eyes would be of a hippocampus - at least that was the plan - smiling at the sound of the man's voice. He was always so prickly and sarcastic. It was part of the charm, he supposed, but it was also just so Vanitas. Not that that was much of a surprise. Vanitas was always himself, no matter what he was doing. Even as a teenager, he'd put on the bravest fronts. Sora had grown up wishing he had that sort of confidence.

" _Now, i'm used to some weird shit in the comments because, yeah, this is YouTube,"_ Vanitas continued once he'd introduced the game he'd be playing that session. Or the next session, as it seemed he'd only posted this one to talk to his fans. " _But recently, ya'll been bugging the shit out of me about someone that looks like me?"_ He made a face at the camera and Sora bit his lip to keep in a giggle. " _The fuck, my dudes?"_

And suddenly a picture of Sora was on the screen, a still from his last video, frozen in a big, wide laugh. Sora remembered that moment, a blooper he'd kept in, and shook his head, because Vanitas could _not_ have found a better picture to show off their differences… as well as their similarities.

Even showcasing Sora's eternal sunshine of a smile against Vanitas' frown, they looked alike. Enough so that it was obvious. Their fans had been dead on.

Not that it stopped Vanitas from being a little shit about it. He pretended to look up at the photo in the top corner, frowning mightily. " _This fucker?"_ A pause for dramatic effect, then in perfect, comedic deadpan, delivered a flat, " _Yeah I don't see it."_

Sora had to pause his recorder again, laughing too hard to sculpt. He set down the face in progress and rewound the video to listen to that line again. It was just as funny as the first time.

" _Nah, but seriously you guys are scarily persistent,"_ Vanitas said and the picture of Sora shifted to one of him holding Steve, still beaming brightly. " _Honestly i know this loser, though I didn't know he had a YouTube, which, what the fuck BlueSkies? I know you follow me, you silent stalker."_

Sora laughed again at the look he got through the video and quickly opened Vanitas' homepage in a new tab to send him a message while it continued to play.

 _Private Message to_ _ **VoidGamer.**_

 _12:26 PM_

 _I feel I should say sorry, but I'm not :) well, except maybe for our fans? I didn't think they'd find us out given our channels are so different. I guess just enjoy them freaking out?_

Not expecting any sort of reply, he went back to recording and sculpting, humming to himself as the rest of Vanitas' video played out. Then he switched it over to one of his playlists and settled into crafting.

He'd never made a hippocampus or any sort of equine, so he was worried about the face, but with a good reference page from a book Xion had been nice enough to provide, it was slowly, but surely, forming into something passable. He was actually quite proud of it.

It wasn't until he was setting the base of the head into the oven for a prebake that he realized his phone light was blinking. He grabbed his phone and chuckled.

 _You have seventy-six (76) new messages._

"Wow," he shook his head, grinning as he opened his email to look. Comments where he was referenced, comments on his page, even a few PM's, all about Vanitas' lastest video. Apparently they hadn't gotten the message that he followed **VoidGamer** and already knew about it.

It took a good minute to delete them all from his phone, long enough more started popping up as he tried to get them into the trash. He sighed at that, but kept at it, and set his phone down to check his sculpture. He wasn't in the least suprised to see it blinking yet again as he turned back to it.

 _You have one (1) new message._

 _Private message from_ _ **VoidGamer**_

 _2:37 PM_

 _My viewer count shot up nearly two hundred people since this happened, so don't be sorry, unless it's because they're all your nerds coming to watch my awesomeness. Little shit._

 _And tell Ventus i'm kicking his ass tomorrow during melee. It'll be more enraging coming from you._

Sora realized he was grinning and had to laugh at himself. The first time in years he'd directly talked to Vanitas and it was going better than he'd expected. Some awkwardness, he'd thought, or maybe some anger, but there was only that playful sarcasm that Vanitas had trained on him when Sora had been little. He felt his grin soften in memory as he pressed _reply._

 _Private message to_ _ **VoidGamer**_

 _2:39 PM_

 _Not sorry for that, sorry :P and of course I'll tell him, as long as you don't tell him I'm looking forward to watching you kick his butt in melee tomorrow._

He sent that knowing Ventus would eventually freak out on him later, but it was worth it. After all, he didn't have the same opinion of Vanitas that Ventus had. They'd mutually broken each other's hearts and Ventus was still bitter about it, viewing Vanitas as more of a villian than a friend, even if they stayed in contact. But Sora was of the opinion that everyone deserved a second chance, and until Vanitas went out of his way to hurt _Sora,_ well, he was alright in Sora's books. Ventus would jus thave to pout about that.

"Look at you, gorgeous," he told the hippocampus head once he'd pulled it out of the oven, cradling it in his oven mits and turning it this way and that to check for cracks. "I think I'm going to call you… Dave. like that, Dave?"

Dave didn't answer, but from the angle Sora was holding him, seemed to smile back. Sora nodded in satisfaction, grabbed his phone, and returned to his studio to begin Phase Two of the face sculpt, which involved adding some scales to the cheeks and down the nose.

 _You have one (1) new message._

 _You have two (2) new messages._

Sora blinked at that, hearing the fast chimes of one message after another, and swiped open the phone.

 _Private Message from_ _ **VoidGamer**_

 _2:46 PM_

 _Little. Shit. Knew you were the favorite brother. And you can tell Ventus that._

Sora shook his head, then paused in surprise, blushing before he fully recognized why. He felt oddly giddy the more he read it, and finally covered his face to make a long, drawn out noise, though from excitement or mortification, he wasn't sure.

What he was sure of was something was happening, something new, a new connection, a new start. He wasn't sure how he felt about it, but it was there all the same, staring him in the face.

 _ **VoidGamer**_ _is now following you._

He was never going to live this down.


	3. Chapter 3

The worst part of staying in touch with your ex, particularly the ex that wasn't even sure _why_ he kept in touch, was that he tended to panic and send frantic texts at the _worst_ times.

Vanitas glared at where his phone was blinking, glad it was no longer annoyingly chiming, but the damage was already done. So much for a post-video upload nap. Fuck his life.

"Don't you get any funny ideas," he warned his cat, currently snuggled in the crook of his arm. But if Gere decided he wanted to be up, it would mean Vanitas would have to surrender his nap, and he wasn't going to do that easily. "Sleep, old fart."

Gere blinked slowly at him, his yellow eyes sleepy and content. Vanitas smiled a little at that and rubbed the old cat's black ears. "Yeah, yeah. I can't ignore him forever. But I can try."

Gere yawned, agreeing, and for a blissful few minutes, Vanitas could almost believe he was going to be allowed to continue his nap. Not so.

 _You have three (3) new messages._

 _You have four (4) new messages._

Vanitas growled and slapped at his phone, glaring at the texts staring back at him. Just as he'd feared. Ventus.

"Go the fuck away, loser," he said, deciding he was too lazy to text back and called instead. Ventus picked up, so he was obviously not rage texting Vanitas in class again. Pity. "Even evil needs its beauty rest."

Ventus made an annoyed noise, which told Vanitas one of two things: he was about to be interrogated, always fun, or he was about to be blamed for something. Not as fun, but given he'd done nothing to Ventus besides kicking his ass at video games recently, potentially hilarious and satisfying. He'd always loved proving high and mighty Ventus Uchiyama wrong.

" _What do you want with my brother, Van?"_ was the accusation, making Vanitas sigh. Interrogation it was, then.

"Which one?" he said flippantly, because if Ventus was going to destroy his nap, he could at least make him suffer for it. "The freaky not-twin, or the sunshine half brother that stole my face?"

" _You know exactly who i mean,"_ Vents spat and Vanitas' eyebrows rose a little. Well, well, it wasn't often Ventus was this pissed off and seething. He grinned cruelly at his phone.

"I don't know what you've heard, or what Mini Me told you," he said, making sure his sneer was audible, "but I don't want anything to do with him. Our fans found us out, and honestly? Took them long enough. I didn't even know the homewrecker _had_ a YouTube until a week ago."

" _Don't call him that,"_ Ventus snarled, enraged. Even more fun. " _You know we worked that out."_

"No, _I_ worked that out for you," Vanitas reminded him, quickly souring to this conversation. He wasn't even sure why. Usually getting Ventus worked up like this was the highlight of his day, but now, remembering Sora's cheerful emails, his _friendliness_ , made Vanitas almost feel… defensive. "What, do you think I'm out to steal his innocence or some shit? How Dracula of me."

" _Vanitas."_ A warning now.

"Ventus," Vanitas gave it right back. "Just because I'm a villain in your eyes doesn't mean he sees me the same way. _He_ reached out to _me._ So if you want to save your poor innocent brother from me, go to _him_ about it."

 _And maybe see that your precious Sora isn't as precious as you think,_ he wanted to add, but bit that down. It was obvious Ventus viewed all his siblings through a golden-colored lens, but that was his failure, not Vanitas'. And if Ventus wanted to be that naive, then Vanitas wanted to watch it bite him in the ass.

There was a long, drawn out sigh, and Vanitas rolled his eyes. "Don't apologize, even though you should," he snipped. "And seriously, what do the boyfriend and girlfriend think of you constantly going to _me_ about shit? Isn't that boyfriend/girlfriend territory?"

Another long sigh. " _You knew me the longest, you know me the best."_

"And you just hate that, don't you?" Vanitas smirked, acid in his voice.

" _I hate_ you _,"_ Ventus said, sounding tired. That was the problem with him, Vanitas had found over the years. He never held onto his anger long enough. He was so much more interesting when he was angry.

"Get the fuck to sleep, you sound like death walking," Vanitas snorted, as soft as he could get anymore. Ventus still had that ability, to draw out some remnants of affection still clinging stubbornly no matter how much he tried to let go. Remnants of a better time, and also a worse time. He hated the way Ventus still made him feel, but he knew, just as Ventus would always text or call him in a crisis, so he would always pick up the phone. And he hated that even more.

" _Night,"_ Ventus didn't even argue, just hung up the phone. No thank you, no sorry. Just silence.

"Asshole." Vanitas hated that he was fond of that too and tossed his phone aside. Gere stretched beside him and Vanitas pet his ears again in a preemptive strike to keep his cat from waking up. "Not you. You're perfect. Keep sleeping, old geezer. I'm _not_ getting up yet."

Gere cracked an eye at him, but decided it was a good day to nap after all and slept on. Vanitas shifted to watch him, watch his little breaths and the way his paws twitched. He carefully thread his fingers into Gere's black fur and just felt him, his warmth, his heartbeat.

He wondered if this is what love was supposed to feel like. Usually he never bothered thinking of it, but Sora's sudden reammergence in his life - and consequently, Ventus' panic - had the thought shimmering in his mind before he realized he was even thinking of it. Love. What even was that fuckery? Softness? Affection? Surrender? Tch. Weakness.

He flopped onto his back again and sighed, head floating between one thought to another without sticking longer than a blink. It was what he did when he didn't want to focus on anything, but oddly that Love question persisted. Damn Ventus.

As though hearing that thought, his phone bleeped again and he growled, expecting to see a text from Ventus, just to spite him most likely. What he got was maybe worse, if only for the way something in him lit up at this new thing, something maybe forbidden, opening up to him.

 _You have one (1) new message._

 _ **BlueSkiesandSurf**_ _has posted a new video._

Groaning a little - he really needed a new seat cushion for gaming, his beloved chair was beginning to wear thin - he grabbed his phone and swiped open the YouTube app. Sora's huge smile was suddenly all he could see as the video sprang into life.

" _Hey crafties, welcome back to my channel, I'm so glad you could stop in,"_ was the young man's standard introduction. Knowledge of which made Vanitas sigh at himself because apparently watching someone sculpt a creature's face out of clay and make a plush body to go with it was oddly addicting. Who knew? " _I've got a really fun project for you guys today. I've been trying to find creatures or types of animals I_ haven't _done as a way to challenge myself and actually reached out to my commenters last video for some inspiration. So many great ideas! But one that really struck me was a sort of horse creature, given I've never made any sort of equine before and I thought I'd remedy that, so let's get started!"_

Vanitas watched in silence, and a begrudging sort of awe, as a hippocampus - the fuck? - came to life under Sora's skilled hands. As it came to an end and Sora reappeared at the end to thank his viewers, Vanitas paused the video, staring at the face that was his face, but wasn't.

Oddly, Sora had looked more like him when they'd been younger. He'd met Ventus in the eighth grade and they'd made a crazy sort of friendship. Vanitas had been more needy then, at least in his own eyes. Drowning and desperate for any sort of hold to keep his head above water. And that tether had been Ventus, who maybe hated him, but didn't give up on him either. He was a cause to the golden boy, something to fix. And back then, Vanitas had _wanted_ to be fixed.

Sora had been the half brother Ventus had never known he had until Sora's mother - the mistress no one had known of - decided she wanted some child support to get Sora through elementary school. Vanitas had met him first and had foolishly hoped that maybe they were related. That maybe he had some family after all. But he wasn't. They just looked alike. Everyone had a double in the world, his teachers had all said, and he'd just been lucky enough to meet his.

He wasn't sure luck had anything to do with it. He'd never been a lucky creature. Sora had been that odd kid in his peripheral that he knew of, but didn't exactly interact with. They had the same babyface for the longest time and Vanitas had made a point to avoid going out with him and Ventus together. He hadn't wanted anyone to think they _were_ related. He hadn't wanted to know what that feeling of belonging was, knowing it was fake. He still didn't.

But now… Sora had kept his baby face, it seemed, but he was that sort of older that was still a surprise. In all fairness, they looked less alike now, marginally though it was, enough that it was easier to see Sora as his own person, instead of the weird kid always playing in the dirt that happened to have his face.

He sat up on his elbow, looking at Sora's smiling expression. He was irritatingly similar to Ventus in that regard. Ventus had always had a super smile, full of sunshine. But somehow, Sora's was even brighter, more real, more honest. Dimples and laughter. It made him rather handsome.

"Do you think my type is stupid naive sunshine boys?" he asked Gere, making a face as though the words left a bad taste. To be fair, he didn't even know what his type was. It went too hand in hand with that Love question, and he obviously had no answer, no knowledge of it. All he had was Ventus and that had been a disaster. It hadn't been love, just a desperation to belong, to be fixed, until he'd realized he didn't _need_ to be fixed.

No, love was more than likely hereditary, a gift passed down from parents to children. The Uchiyama-Irimo clan were obviously part of the lucky majority that had inherited it and they would pass it on, never asking why.

Vanitas hadn't inherited such things and it made sense that he was so rough. No, he didn't want anything from one Sora Irimo. Ventus had been wrong to assume that. After all, Sora could only offer what Vanitas didn't know how to accept. And that would get him nowhere.

So he let the video finish playing and let the thoughts drift away, closing his eyes and settling in for what he hoped would be a salvaged nap.

But then his phone chimed, blinked at him, and his plans were changed yet again.

 _You have one (1) new message._

 _ **BlueSkiesandSurf**_ _has sent you a Private Message._

Apparently Sora hadn't gotten the memo that Vanitas was the Bad Guy. How fun.

He was smiling before he even realized his cheeks hurt and swiped the message open.


	4. Chapter 4

_You have one (1) new message._

Vanitas breathed in, out, and slowly repeated a full rep of push ups before pausing again, staring at the phone still blinking at him.

"Think you could move, Your Majesty?" he said dryly to his cat, who just kept on purring, obviously pleased with the throne he'd found between Vanitas' shoulder blades. Vanitas huffed a laugh and lowered onto his stomach to open his phone without dislodging Gere, which of course meant the damn cat hopped off anyway. Typical.

 _ **BlueSkiesandSurf**_ _has posted a new video._

Groaning, Vanitas found his feet and shuffled to his kitchen to make some sort of breakfast, Gere meowing in his wake like the mob boss he probably had been in a past life. "Yeah, yeah, hold on, ya furball."

He grabbed the shredded salmon he'd saved from last night and scooped it onto a plate, then set it at Gere's feet once the cat hopped onto the counter. He scratched the black cat's scruff with a fond look.

"Old man, one of these days you're not going to make it up here."

He was meowed at, then ignored in favor of salmon, which was fair. Neither of them were morning people and generally food came before any sort of conversations with anyone, even each other. But of course Sora would find a way to insert himself into that routine, something Vanitas was beginning to notice in a few other aspects of his life as well. And he wasn't even doing it on _purpose._ Which meant Vanitas was letting it happen, because apparently this was his life now. What fuckery.

He clicked the link provided on his phone to play Sora's new video and went diving for his own breakfast, only really half listening as the opening rattled against his counter.

" _Hey crafties, welcome back to my channel, i'm so glad you could stop in!"_ Sora sounded his usual perky self and Vanitas smirked a bit, grabbing the eggs from the fridge. " _Today's video is a bit different as I'm still in the middle of my next project, but a lot of you have been asking me to do a Q and A vid and I thought, why not? I had a free day and went through the comments on the last handful of videos, as well as questions sent to me through Private Message and I picked out the most common ones. Of course, please don't hesitate to drop more questions in the comment section below if I don't answer one you have! I've got an open weekend and I'll do my best to respond."_

Vanitas grabbed a pan and cracked three eggs into it, then sprinkled cheese and a splash of milk over them before attacking the mess with a spatula, wishing he wasn't as interested as he was in what Sora would have to say about himself. It was an odd curiosity, one he had for many people, if he was honest. The problem was, they got boring way too fast. He figured them out, their quirks, their buttons, their patterns. He wondered if it would be the same with Sora. Probably.

Though, and he had to pause the video to frown at himself for this, but the thought was persistent, a part of him didn't want Sora to become just another boring acquaintance in his life. The surprise of reconnection and _friendliness_ from someone he'd barely spoken to in the past… it was a breath of fresh air. It was _fun._ It was a way to get at Ventus while enjoying something that didn't _have_ to _be about Ventus._ Far too rare, that.

And Sora… was interesting. Sure, he was boring in some regards. Too noble, too kind, too lighthearted. Naive, though not as bad as Ventus. But there were qualities to him that almost surprised him. Loyalty. Devotion. Good humor. And he clearly had an interest in Vanitas that had nothing to do with Ventus. For so long they'd been two sides of the same coin, Ventus and he. There just simply wasn't one without the other. Ventus hated that. So did Vanitas. But in the same way he'd come to accept the boring state of life in the people around him, he'd accepted that he'd never be free of Ventus' influence on him. Like he was… tainted somehow. Branded.

But with Sora, it was as if that brand didn't matter. It was there, for certain, but it wasn't the topic of conversation. Sora wanted to know about _him,_ about what _he_ liked. More often than not, Ventus didn't even factor into their conversations, and whenever it did happen, it was always at the end of a joke made at Ventus' expense, something that Vanitas took a near delight in. And he wasn't delighted easily.

Sora was not blind to his brother's faults the same way Ventus was blind to Sora's. And he wasn't blind to Vanitas' either. He saw the coarseness, the roughness, the anger. The sarcasm, the sharp words. Saw them and accepted them. Accepted _him._

He didn't know if he'd ever been _accepted_ before. Well, except by his cat. Did that count? Hm.

Vanitas stirred his eggs, musing on the smile frozen on the screen before reaching over to press play, soaking in the sound of Sora's voice quietly, letting it fill the silence. The questions were, of course, basic: _how did you get into sculpting, favorite tools, favorite creation._ Basic enough Vanitas tuned out the words. Sora's voice was rather nice to listen to, more mellow than Ventus' had ever been. Ventus tended to squeak and sharpen his voice into higher pitches when he got emotional. It had always grated on Vanitas' nerves, like listening to a violin player play only the highest notes. There was only so much he could take.

Sora's voice was different. Calmer, more smooth. Lower. Like those same high notes, only played on a cello, deep and resonant. It was the sort of voice you could fall asleep to.

Vanitas frowned at himself again and reached over to pause the video, wondering what the fuck he was actually thinking, when Sora's words came in clear. " _...as for_ _ **VoidGamer,**_ _I thought I'd answer a few questions since he seems to be what you all want to hear about most."_

He smirked a little, because yeah, their fans were a bit obsessed, and scraped his scrambled eggs onto a plate. He offered Gere a piece and moved to the kitchen island, leaning against it to eat.

" _It is true that we know each other, first off. He's a friend of my older brother and has been since they were in middle school. So it's been years. But since he was more my brother's friend, I didn't directly, like, really talk to him? Our groups of friends were very different. But I always thought he was pretty amazing."_

Vanitas raised an eyebrow at Sora's earnest face, wishing he could get the younger man to elaborate on that because really, _what the fuck? "And yes, we have reconnected. I've been watching his channel since about the time i started here, a bit before even. And i want to say thank you to everyone that helped us reconnect. I honestly didn't think he'd remember me or care to talk to me, but so far so good?"_

He looked so damn hopeful Vanitas shut off his phone, unable to look at him. Fuck, what gave that punk the fucking _right_ to look like that about _him?_ Hopeful and Vanitas didn't go together. Never had, never would. It just didn't _work like that._

"Fuck me…" he murmured, appetite vanishing. Still, he stabbed a bit of egg and forced himself to chew, swallow, repeat. Gere hopped over the divide to land next to him, rubbing his face against his shoulder. Vanitas pet him with a sigh and dragged his fork over the plate, frowning more at the soft _squeak_ it made on the cheap ceramic.

He opened his phone again and stared at that stupid, hopeful face, wondering why something in his chest was tightening. Like this was some fucking romcom. Fuck his life.

But… well. Not even Ventus had ever looked at him like that. He wasn't sure why that mattered, because it had never bothered him before, but now that someone was looking at him, _really_ looking at him… he felt the void there. Felt an anger.

God, but he and Ventus had been _really_ fucked up, hadn't they?

 _You have one (1) new message._

Vanitas blinked as that dropped down over the video, effectively cutting through his train of thought. He swiped it open, wondering who else would be up at ass-o'clock in the morning. He felt like he shouldn't be surprised to see Sora's channel name waiting for him, but he was. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so interested in someone.

 _Private Message from_ _ **BlueSkiesandSurf**_

 _4:08 AM_

 _So i wanted to give you a heads up, but I did talk about you in my last video for a Q &A for the fans. All i mentioned was that you're friends with my older brother and we've known each other since school days. Hope you don't mind. If that bothers you, please let me know. I'll take the video down immediately._

Vanitas snorted at that. So considerate, this one, but his usual annoyance at such a trivial thing didn't have its usual force as he opened a reply.

 _Private Message to_ _ **BlueSkiesandSurf**_

 _4:10 AM_

 _Don't worry about it. I don't exactly care what you say about me. Ventus has said much worse to my face as well as online. I'm sure the fans appreciate you feeding them gossip._

 _And go the fuck to sleep. It's four in the fucking morning._

At least that was common ground. These stupid golden boys, always needing someone to watch their asses. He had no idea how any of them had survived to college.

He stabbed at his eggs until he'd eaten them all and went to his room to lay down. He wouldn't sleep, he knew, but it felt good to rest after a sleepless night. Exercise calmed the mind and exhausted the body, but there was something about falling into a cool bed and feeling the blankets grow warm that was super satisfying. Gere approved, at the very least, and found a new throne on Vanitas' chest.

"Fat bum," Vanitas said affectionately, scratching the cat under the chin. Gere purred in agreement.

 _You have one (1) new message._

 _Private Message from_ _ **BlueSkiesandSurf**_

 _4:17 AM_

 _Is it really four am? =_= no wonder my eyes are droopy._

 _Maybe you just see me as the ex's brother who looks like you, but you're a friend to me. I do worry, because it's your past too. You have every right to keep it to yourself if you want. So what if Ventus talks about it all over the internet, that doesn't make it right._

 _I love my brother, i really do, but we both know his take on things is biased. And I know he's what you're used to, but please, try to stop judging me the same as him. I'm not him, and I don't want to be him. I'm just me._

 _And Vanitas? It's four am where you are too. Why don't_ _you_ _go to bed? :P_

There it was, that fucking damned smile on his face. Vanitas touched his mouth, feeling the smile vanish as he became aware of it, and frowned. But then his gaze was back on the words, the stupid little faces Sora had inserted, and he felt his lips turn up once more.

He couldn't remember if anyone had ever made him smile before. _Really_ smile. Ventus had a habit of bringing out his crueler side, his joker side, smirks and self-satisfied looks. But a smile?

"What the fuck are you doing to me, you stupid…" he growled and didn't finish that statement, sighing at himself. Obviously, Sora wasn't doing anything. It was all Vanitas being stupid here.

And wasn't that what always happened? For all he hated the boring patterns of other people, he hated his own patterns even more. If only what he felt could be touched, pulled out of him, he'd bury it in the yard. But it was like catching water, slipping through his hands. Not meant to be held, only felt.

 _Private Message to_ _ **BlueSkiesandSurf**_

 _4:23 AM_

 _I am in bed, Little Shit. Go the fuck to sleep._

He shoved his phone under his pillow and told himself he wouldn't look at Sora's reply. He wouldn't fall into these new, sad feelings. This pathetic wanting… longing. Was that what it was? Fuck that.

He'd long ago decided he was enough for himself to have. He didn't need anyone. Didn't _want_ anyone. Interest in people never lasted. He would be alone, always alone, and he was fine with that. It was just a new thing to focus on, that was all this was. Sooner or later, his interest would wane, just as surely as Sora's would too. And that would be that.

It's how the pattern went, how it always played out. No one needed Vanitas, so Vanitas didn't need anyone. It was the safest way to be.

 _You have one (1) new message._

Vanitas sighed and stared at the ceiling a long time, feeling the moment his resolve broke in half. "Fuck."

Then he pulled his phone back out to look.

He was officially fucked.


	5. Chapter 5

" _Oh, what the fuck, what the fuck, what THE FUCK?!"_

Sora laughed at that, glancing over to watch Vanitas frantically press the buttons on his controller as his character nearly got it's face bitten off by… whatever that was. Some horrific zombie horse. Thing. Nope, no thanks.

He resolutely kept his eyes focused on his sewing and his own recorder after that, keeping an ear on Vanitas' voice only as he tried to keep his character alive and not the awful, gross sounds of the game under it. Still, he shivered at a particularly loud _squelch_ and made a face, though he was quickly laughing again as Vanitas more or less cussed out whatever it was he'd just killed with a triumph in his voice. A common occurrence, as of late. It'd only been two weeks, but their correspondence over PM on YouTube was starting to get to a regular frequency. Regular enough that Sora was trying to convince himself to ask Vanitas for his cell phone number. And convince himself, at the same time, that it wasn't rushed. Or too official feeling.

He wasn't sure how well that'd go, but he hoped Vanitas would say yes. It was a bit annoying going through YouTube all the time. He hoped Vanitas would agree to that at least, though he was more than willing to continue with it if that was what the other man preferred. The last thing he wanted was to scare Vanitas off - funny to imagine, because Vanitas was hardly scared of anything, he'd found. But it was still a worry, one that Sora had thought he could work through by painstakingly sewing his newest art doll by hand. Yet, after hours of crafting, the worry was still there, as stubborn as Vanitas himself.

Vanitas was… Sora wasn't sure he had the words for it. Entertaining. Dry humored. Something fresh and interesting that Sora hadn't even known he needed in his life. And maybe it was complicated, given who Vanitas was, but it didn't _feel_ complicated. It felt… good. Fun.

He really hoped that wasn't just loneliness talking.

Over the din of Vanitas cussing out something else - this time in anger, Sora could tell by the shift in his tone - he heard a key in his front door and reached over to turn down the volume on his laptop. Having three nosy siblings, he was used to them randomly barging in. He'd even learned their footsteps, given only Roxas called from the front door when he visited. Ventus and Xion just came in silently and knocked on a wall or door to the room Sora was in, but their tread patterns were very different.

"I'm in the back!" he called once the door squeaked open. There wasn't an answer, which eliminated Roxas as the visitor. The door shut quietly, then a quick, purposeful step to his room. A soft knock. Sora smiled, not needing to look up from his work to know who was standing there. "Hey Ventus."

"Hey," Ventus chuckled, coming in to sit on Sora's bed to both watch him work and stay out of view of Sora's camera as he'd learned to do over the years. Sora was pleased to see his brother _could_ be taught.

Though the angle also afforded Ventus a view of what Sora was watching and he could feel his brother's frown even before he reached over to shut off his recorder once he'd finished a line of sewing. Turning in his chair, Sora also paused Vanitas' video and did his best to act natural. "What's up?"

Ventus' answer was a soft noise, one that told Sora that one of two things was about to happen. He was about to be interrogated in a way that didn't seem like an interrogation, but was still very much Ventus digging for information. Or, he was about to be accused, in some round about way, of something. That second option was usually reserved for when the younger Uchiyama-Irimo siblings got up to mischief. And given he hadn't played any pranks lately, he doubted it could be that, because Ventus was scarily good at figuring out which sibling had pulled said prank.

"I wanted to talk to you about Vanitas, actually," Ventus said after a moment and Sora bit down a sigh. Interrogation it was, then.

"What about him?" Sora decided ignorance was the best way to go about this. Let Ventus get out what he wanted to say without getting it mixed up in Sora's own opinions. Sora had learned over the years that the best way to deal with Ventus' worries was to let him say what he needed, then reassure him with his own take on the situation. Something Ventus sometimes forget to consider when he panicked.

"I'm… concerned," Ventus said, looking guilty about that, but pushed on with a stubborn face. "I know you don't know him like I do and I'm worried he may be too much for you to handle. I've seen his ugly side and I just want to be sure you know what you're getting into."

"You make it sound like I'm dating him," Sora raised an eyebrow at Ventus, smiling a little. Not that he'd say no to dating… wait _no, nope,_ bad train of thought. "We're just talking because our fans pushed us at each other and… well, he's funny. I'd like to be friends."

Ventus sighed at that, looking more worried. "I just want you to be careful," he tried again, though Sora could see he was hearing how sadly biased his argument was, and that was effectively draining the wind from his sails.

"Ventus," Sora put on his best reassuring smile, taking Ventus' hands in his. "I know you two have a history, but I wasn't part of it. Sure, you brought out his ugly side, but he brought out yours too. That happens with some people and you two did the right thing, broke up. But he doesn't do anything except make me laugh and smile and I think I do the same for him."

He moved to sit on the bed next to his brother, hugging him with a soft laugh. "I'm not you," he joked lightly. "And Vanitas knows that."

Ventus' smile eased and his shoulders dropped. "I know, I'm sorry," he said, rubbing at his eyes tiredly. "I guess… I just don't want what happened between me and him to happen between him and you."

"And I'm grateful for that, but shouldn't't that be my mistake to make? Not yours?"

Ventus looked at him a long moment, their eyes that were so alike in color and shape, full of things Sora had never experienced. Full of worry, and guilt and shame. But pride too. "How can you be so wise?" he teased, pulling on Sora's bangs, which let Sora know he'd won this battle. "My little brother shouldn't be so wise."

"Half-brother," Sora teased back. "Obviously my smarts come from my mother."

Ventus laughed, shaking his head, and socked Sora on the arm for good measure. "Fair."

Sora beamed and leaned back on his hands. "Did you come over for something other than to warn me about Vanitas?"

"Actually, yeah," Ventus said, scrabbling through his shoulder bag which Sora had never seen him without since he'd graduated college. He pulled out a white envelope with a thick card in it, _Sora_ written in Aqua's neat, flowy script. "Those two finally got the invitations out."

Sora gleefully took it and lifted the card out to see. Terra and Aqua dressed so nicely, looking at each other with love in their faces. Then a second picture with Ventus as well, with both of them kissing his brother's cheeks and all looking so happy, Sora's heart actually clenched.

"I'll be there," he promised, clapping Ventus on the shoulder before getting up to stick the card on his calendar with a magnet. "How are they going to incorporate you into it, given they're sorta marrying you too?"

"We're doing a ring ceremony at the reception," Ventus said, face pink and smile wide. "So make sure you can come for more than just the wedding itself."

"Of course," Sora said, reclaiming his chair and lining up the edges of where he was going to sew next. He pinned them in place.

Ventus watched him with a knowing look. "So, what's bothering you? You don't hand sew the long sections unless you're thinking too hard about something."

Sora pouted, wishing Ventus didn't know him as well as Sora know him. "I was going to ask for Vanitas' number," he admitted, eyes flickering over at the paused video as though he couldn't stop himself from looking. The still wasn't exactly flattering, Vanitas' face captured in an open mouthed expression of rage, but Sora was smiling all the same about it, even as his heart clenched for an entirely new reason.

"Are you sure you're not dating?" Ventus asked, eyebrow raised. It sounded like a tease, but Sora knew better. He was keeping his voice light to give Sora an out if he needed it. But he found himself sighing instead of jokingly taking that offered out.

"We're not," he said, almost glum, then winced. "But I'm pretty sure that's just my loneliness talking," he added quickly to Ventus, then panicked a bit hearing what he'd just said. "Not that I'm lonely! I'm perfectly happy!"

"Sora," Ventus laughed softly. "It's okay to admit you're lonely. Or that you want to date someone."

"Even if that person is Vanitas?" Sora had to say it, biting his lip in nerves. "Ventus, I don't want to cause any problems -"

"Sora," Ventus said again, more firmer this time. "I'll worry, of course I will, but I promise it won't cause problems. If he makes you happy, then go for it… and I know how much of a hypocrite that makes me sound," he sighed, rubbing his eyes again. "But you're right. It's your choice."

He went quiet a moment, wrestling with something deep inside himself, and when he spoke again, it looked as though it cost him no shortage of pride to say the words. "I'm just worried for you. For all his faults, Vanitas has something good in him. Maybe you can bring it out better than I could, I don't know. I just know that if you're happy with him, don't let me get in the way. And I'm sorry if I made you feel that you had to."

"You just… you hate him so much," Sora said weakly.

"Because he made me see the ugliness inside of myself," Ventus admitted. "He knows me better than anyone and I think I hate that the most. But that's not his fault. We were together so long, it only makes sense he'd know things about me I'd rather he didn't."

"And you know him better than anyone," Sora said in an effort to reassure him. "He hates that too."

"As he would," Ventus said, laughing now. "But if you make him happy, that's already more than I ever did. So who knows? Maybe it'd work. You've proven me wrong before."

"Many times," Sora grinned.

Ventus gave him a look, but conceded that, nodding with a sigh. "Many times. Though some advice? Go slow. Let him warm up to the idea. If you just suddenly dropped this on him, he'd just take it as a joke."

Sora nodded too, before blushing as it really registered what they were talking about. Him, dating someone like Vanitas? "Would he even want to say yes?" he asked his brother. "I mean, I'm pretty sure I'm his exact opposite."

"It worked for Roxas and Axel," Ventus reminded him, smiling.

"But this isn't them, this is Vanitas," Sora stressed. "You know him better than anyone. Tell me the truth. Would he even say yes?"

Ventus, to his credit, actually thought about it a long moment, assessing Sora with a look he hadn't seen since they'd been young and Sora had been little more than the troublemaking homewrecker. "I think you have a chance," he said finally. "But only if you go slow. And you have to be absolutely confident about the way you feel about him. He will make you fight for it. So if you're not sure, don't even try."

Sora took that in seriously. "I'm in no rush."

"Good," Ventus pat his knee and stood, looking over at the paused screen. After a moment of unreadable silence, he tilted his head. "You know, if you sent him something, that might help. Knowing you, I'm sure that thought's already crossed your mind."

Sora blushed, but nodded, shoulders rising in embarrassment.

"He needs a new seat cover for his chair," Ventus offered. "And he thinks Heartless from the _Kingdoms_ series are cute."

Sora perked up, mind already spinning with ideas. "Thanks."

Ventus clapped his shoulder and moved off. "You're welcome. And try not to get too into your crafting to stay in touch? Roxas has been pouting that you haven't been texting as much."

Sora laughed. "I'll text him right now," he promised, picking up his phone.

"Good boy, Ventus chuckled, waving over his shoulder. "Stay out of trouble!"

"Trouble finds me!" Sora called back, grinning as he sent a quick text to Roxas. Hearing the door click shut again, he resumed playing Vanitas' video and opened a new tab.

 _Private Message to_ _ **VoidGamer.**_

 _4:53 PM_

 _So, I have something to ask. I'm not sure how well you want to know me, but I do consider you a friend, and talking through PM's is getting a little annoying given we talk so much. However, I totally get it if you'd rather just stick with PM and not text, which is what I wanted to ask you._

 _But now that I'm thinking about it, I think I'll do this instead. Here's my number. You decide if you want to text or not. :)_

 _(XXX) XXX - XXXX_

He sent it before he could talk himself out it, and had a quiet panic in his chair for a few minutes. When it seemed he wasn't about to get a quick ansewr, he forced himself back to sewing, and was halfway down the back of the body piece when his phone vibrated, making him jump.

 _You have one (1) new message._

 _Unknown Number has sent a text._

Sora smiled so hard his cheeks hurt.


	6. Chapter 6

"Well, you're all kinds of gorgeous, aren't you, Sam?" Sora asked his newest creation, lifting it up to see it better. The phoenix with a very regal face seemed pleased too and Sora moved to his bed for his post-video upload nap with Sam in tow. He set the art doll at the corner near his pillow and snuggled into his covers, eyes raking over the sculpted features, feeling very satisfied with a job well done.

He was half asleep when his phone vibrated and he peeked an eye at it, wondering if it was Vanitas again. He'd been delighted to find, over the week they'd been texting, that Vanitas was an avid texter… and seemed to be very in love with his cat.

And that had been a special treat, given Sora hadn't known Vanitas even _had_ a cat. It felt like it was something just for them, a feeling compounded by Vanitas' general enthusiasm about Gere once he'd realized Sora was actually interested in hearing about him, and the shots Vanitas sent him were usually hilarious and adorable all in one.

Which did nothing but help his growing crush get all the more fond and full, but it was absolutely worth it.

 _You have one (1) new message._

 _Vanitas has sent a text._

Sora yawned and pulled his phone in to read it, smiling sleepily at the photo that opened over the screen. Vanitas' leg looking down at his foot, where Gere was unapologetically sitting.

 _He hasn't moved in ten minutes,_ was typed under it, making Sora laugh. He checked the time and grinned wider, realizing it was one of Gere's feeding times. As an older cat, he required a special diet, and apparently had a habit of being too underweight for his size. Vanitas had proudly walked Sora through the feeding schedule he'd laid out for Gere to keep his cat healthy and in shape. And totally spoiled, of course, and Sora had no qualms of teasing him about it.

 _It's your own fault,_ Sora typed back, _for insisting on making him home cooked meals._

He ran a finger down Sam's beak, feeling along the resin coating, and gently tilted the doll's head more into the light coming through the window to see it gleam. Eyes slowly drooping, when his phone went off again, he merely snuggled with it into his blanket and squinted at the message.

 _Rude af._

Sora chuckled softly at that, imagining Vanitas' pouty look and blushed a bit to himself. Thankfully no one was around to see him be so pathetic.

 _He obviously gets it from you,_ he typed back, daring himself to maybe… flirt? A little? _He has your charm._

He sent it quickly and covered his face. Oh man, oh man, oh man, oh no, why did he think that was a good idea? Groaning, he smooshed his face into the pillow, refusing to resurface even when the phone went off. He felt around for it blindly.

" _Of course he has my charm,"_ Vanitas' voice was suddenly _there,_ making him squeak and nearly fall out of bed. A laugh crackled through the phone. " _What the fuck, Sora?"_

"Sorry, sorry, I wasn't expecting…" Sora bit his lip as Vanitas just laughed and puffed his cheeks out indignantly, though a smile was quickly taking over his face. "And you're right," he said to steer the conversation away from his unmanly noises. "He does look like a mob boss."

" _Right? I swear he was born a cat because he'd be too damn powerful as a person,"_ Vanitas said over the sound of a pan and sizzling meat. Sora pressed the phone to his ear a little more to pick it up.

"Salmon?" he guessed. "Or chicken?"

" _Chicken,"_ Vanitas sighed, back to his usual grumpy tone. " _Takes longer… stop with the look, i can only cook as fast as it'll cook, ya old fart."_

Sora giggled, hearing Gere's very loud, unimpressed meow under that. "You are so whipped."

" _Probably, and if you tell anyone I'll come after you."_

"Of course, of course," Sora said and yawned again. He rolled onto his back to ward off sleep a little longer, wanting this moment to last. It was the first time Vanitas had actively called, and maybe he just wanted his hands free or some other logical reason, but Sora still felt like floating about it. He pinched himself to come back to earth, but only made himself yelp. How embarrassing.

" _Do I even want to know?"_

"Nope," Sora decided just to let Vanitas assume whatever he wanted. It was less embarrassing. He wondered if he could hold a conversation while hiding under a pillow. Probably not. "Your chair still hanging on?" he asked, blushing a bit now for a new reason. He'd sent the new cushion seat he'd made only yesterday, as well as a plush of a Heartless. Getting Vanitas' address had been rather simple too. He'd gotten good at getting information he wanted without it being obvious growing up with his family, and Vanitas hadn't sounded at all suspicious when Sora had asked for it. Win-win. Still, he hoped the package would come soon. He'd put a rush on it and everything.

" _Barely."_ Vanitas' frown was obvious. " _Everyone tells me I should upgrade, but I'm not ready to put in that expense until i get a spring up my ass or something."_

Sora snorted, thinking to the schematics he'd pulled up of the very chair they were discussing to get the proper measurements for the new cushion. "Does it even have springs?"

" _Who knows?"_

He could hear Gere meowing again, followed by Vanitas moving the pan over the stove. Sora let his eyes close and just listened, as though he could fall into the sounds and transport to where Vanitas and Gere were. What would that even be like? He'd seen enough pictures of Gere to guess the kitchen had an island. Would there be stools lined up on one side? Could he sit there, watch Vanitas cook and laugh as Gere dogged his every step? Smell every smell, hear every fond curse Vanitas aimed at his mob boss of a cat?

He sighed to himself, heart swelling in his chest so much it felt like it would burst. Longing, as well as loneliness. A terrible combination.

"Finally done cooking?" he said and wished his voice didn't sound so soft and sweet. He just hoped Vanitas would interpret it as sleepiness.

" _Finally, but still not fast enough for this cat,"_ Vanitas huffed and Sora could hear the drag of silverware over a dish. Shredding the chicken, most likely. Gere's meowing was getting more insistent and Sora could hear when the cat hopped onto the counter, or perhaps the island, to oversee the last preparations of his food. " _Good god, Your Majesty, hold your fucking mices, like Jesus."_

"Mices?" Sora had to ask, biting his lip at how endearing that was.

" _What? Cats don't hold horses,"_ Vanitas defended. ' _Shut the fuck up, Sora."_

Sora just laughed, which was very much not shutting up. But Vanitas didn't repeat the order, just sighed, resigned.

Then the doorbell rang. Sora had the phone so close to his ear, his other pressed into his pillow, he almost thought it was his own until he heard Vanitas grumbling. " _Who the fuck is that?"_

"Oh, that's you?" Sora said, twisting in his bed a bit just in case it wasn't. "I thought that was my doorbell."

" _No,"_ Vanitas said, amusement in his voice. Then the sound of his footsteps and the creak of a door. Muffled voices, the heft of cardboard.

Sora sat straight up in bed, blushing hard and heart beating fast. No way, did he really get to have this?

"Vanitas?" he asked, making sure.

A pause. Then, " _What the actual fuck, Sora, you sneaky bastard. What the fuck did you send me?"_

Sora grinned. "Open it and find out," he sing-songed, gleeful. "Seriously, open it. I put a rush on it because I was too excited."

" _Don't fucking vibrate through the floor, God,"_ Vanitas said and Sora could almost hear him roll his eyes. But still, obediently, Vanitas' footsteps returned to the kitchen and soon the sound of a knife slicing heavy tape could be heard. Then cardboard folding open.

Vanitas' breath went in sharply and Sora pressed his phone to his ear so hard it hurt. "Well?"

" _Did you fucking do what I think you fucking did?"_ Packing peanuts rustling, thudding to the counter and floor. A disgruntled meow as one most likely hit Gere. " _You fucking…"_

"You're welcome," Sora laughed, hearing the awe and not taking it personal. He'd listened to Vanitas' videos long enough to know he cussed when he was frustrated, but also when he was flattered too. And being on the end of it sent those dreaded butterflies to Sora's stomach. He laid back to keep from flailing off the bed. "I got the measurements from the official GamerChair site, so it should fit, but if it doesn't, just send it back and I'll adjust it."

Vanitas just cussed some more, awe plain. Then more rustling and a low curse, obviously finding the Heartless plush he'd set at the bottom of the box. Sora grinned.

"Ventus said they were your favorite," he said, hoping that wouldn't hit Vanitas the wrong way. "I've been wanting to do a plush from the _Kingdoms_ series and this was good practice. I hope you like him."

" _Fuck,"_ Vanitas said, with feeling. " _You made this?"_

"I did," Sora fidgeted a bit. "Both of them, if that wasn't clear?"

" _Fuck, I mean…"_ Vanitas growled a bit, obviously not used to getting gifts for no reason. " _So we apparently need to do a collab now, because this little shit is going in my vids from now on and our insane fans will lose their shit."_

Sora beamed at that. It wasn't the _thank you_ he'd hoped for. It was better, because it was Vanitas' form of gratitude. He could hear it in Vanitas' voice and he felt like floating again.

"That would be fun," he said, going with it. Vanitas was obviously flustered and getting grumpy that he was, so it seemed the best option. "I'm not sure if you'd want to do any sewing, but I do enjoy video games. Maybe we can do something with that? I'm not as good as you or Ventus," he added quickly. "But I can hold my own, depending on the game."

" _I'm doing a horror game for my next recording,"_ Vanitas said, sounding much more himself again. Sora immediately blanched.

"Yeah, no, me and horror do not mix," he said hurriedly, then blushed in mortification as Vanitas gave a low, almost dark sounding laugh. "No, nuh-uh, Vanitas, _no."_

" _I think it'd be fun to watch you squirm,"_ Vanitas continued, obviously not caring about Sora's protests. In fact, Sora was suddenly certain he was only goading the man on and went scarlet. " _The fans would enjoy it. They tend to like it when game reviewers try horror games. Something about watching us freak out."_

"Rude," Sora pouted, but sighed. "Fine, but I reserve the right to throw my controller at your face. I tend to throw things when I'm scared."

Vanitas snorted a laugh. " _What the fuck?"_

"Oh, it's worse when I don't have anything in my hands," Sora admitted. "I, uh, totally punched Ventus in the nose once when he tried to scare me awake."

Vanitas laughed, full and loud, and Sora maybe puddled a bit on the inside. " _You are, most definitely, my favorite brother."_

"You say that now, but beware," Sora teased, flying at the sound of that warm laugh. "If you get me scared, you have to deal with the consequences."

" _More fodder for the fans, then,"_ Vanitas said and his footsteps became audible once again. After a moment, the soft squish of fabric could be heard, then Vanitas made a long, low noise. " _Oh yes, this will do nicely."_

"I take it you're trying out the cushion?"

" _I am. Fits like a glove."_

"I'm glad," Sora softened, and had to resist the urge to hug his pillow. "And I wasn't expecting to be able to hear your reaction. I'd say thanks but I have a feeling you only called because you needed both hands."

" _Damn right, that cat is a pushy boss,"_ Vanitas said and Sora could hear the fondness in his voice. That longing and lonely swell in his chest began to ache.

"Well, thanks anyways," Sora said, earnest, trying to just enjoy the moment and not fall into that sad feeling. "Will you tell your fans about the plush straight off, or will you just put him up in the background and see who catches it?"

" _Mmm, not sure,"_ Vanitas told him, chair squeaking as he got back up. " _I guess you'll know when the next video comes out."_

"Rude," Sora said again, but smiled all the same.

 _You have three (3) new messages._

"And it seems the comments are finally coming in," He said, yawning. "Nap time for me. That last project was a killer."

" _Go the fuck to sleep,"_ Vanitas said, just as Sora hoped he would, and he grinned to hear it.

"Let me know when you want to do a collab," he said as he snuggled back down, not sure if he could even handle a collab or Vanitas in person, but knowing he'd never forgive himself for not taking the chance.

" _Yeah, yeah, sleep,"_ Vanitas huffed and for a moment Sora could almost believe he sounded fond again, this time for Sora. How nice to imagine.

"Mmkay, I'll text you when I'm up," Sora promised, rubbing his eyes before closing them. "Night, Vanitas."

He didn't hear an answer right away, just leaving it up to Vanitas to end the call. He was already tucked in and cozy, and half asleep and didn't want to hang up anyway until Vanitas ended the call.

" _...Night,"_ was the soft reply, almost unheard, but still it followed Sora into his dreams.


	7. Chapter 7

**BrokenArrows14**

awesome vid as always but holy shit that

Heartless plushie where did you get it omg

i really want one?

 **RaceforSpace69**

IS THAT A HEARTLESS PLUSH OMG I

DIDN'T KNOW SQUARE WAS MAKING

HEARTLESS PLUSHIES PLEASE TELL

US WHERE YOU GOT IT （○Ａ○）

Vanitas smirked at all the messages in his inbox screaming about the plush and pointedly swiped them into the trash instead of answering. He'd hoped his new little Heartless would get some recognition, but the amount of screamers about it was more than he'd been expecting. Which only proved his fans were, indeed, insane.

Still, so far, so hilarious. And it was only going to get more so after today's video went up.

Spreading some pillows on the floor to his gaming room in front of the tv he'd also shifted to the floor, Vanitas double checked the space was in shot with his camera. Usually he recorded at his desk with the camera on his face, but there was simply not enough room for both him and Sora to sit without making the whole desk - and therefore the camera - shake. So, floor it was.

The pillows were more of a precaution. Sora had, by now, warned him more than a few times that he tended to throw things when scared. Not that Vanitas hadn't thrown or dropped controllers before, he didn't want one to break accidentally mid-stream and give Sora the excuse to back out. Vanitas was determined to watch Sora freak the fuck out over _ShadowCasts,_ which had even made _Vanitas_ want to throw his controller, and that was what was going to happen.

The doorbell rang as he placed the last pillow and he sent a quick look to his clock. A bit early for Sora to be there, but he wasn't complaining. He was downright grinning as he vaulted over the pillow stack and moved to the front door.

He froze, however, when it opened. Ventus shot him an amused look, which effectively reminded Vanitas to scowl, and he did so with great enthusiasm. Not that it seemed to faze Ventus in the slightest, as it never did. Asshole.

"Don't even pretend you're not in a good mood," Ventus rolled his eyes and that only made Vanitas scowl more. "You going to let me in?"

Vanitas considered shutting the door on him, but he knew Ventus would just stand there and be even more annoying. So, with a sigh, he cautiously let the man slip through. "What the fuck do you want?"

"Nice to see you too." Again with the eye rolling. Vanitas wasn't the only one in a good mood here.

"Ventus," Vanitas crossed his arms, hating that Ventus could make him feel so on edge. And why? Because he'd seen him happy for all of one second? Fuckery.

"You big ass baby," Ventus huffed and dug into his side bag. He pulled free a white envelope with a fancy looking script on the front, one Vanitas didn't recognize, but it was clearly not Ventus' chicken scratch. "Just wanted to give you this."

Vanitas took it like it was a bomb. It was, perhaps, worse than a bomb once he realized what he was looking at as he wiggled the card free.

"You want me to go to your wedding." It wasn't even a question, he asked it so flatly. Ventus snorted.

"I want you to know that you're invited," he countered, which really didn't answer much of anything, but of course made all the difference to the stupid golden boy. Ventus and his honorable sensibilities. No doubt he'd brought this just to make himself feel better.

Still, there was no denying how… _happy_ Ventus looked. Content. Glowing, maybe. It hurt to look at him, so Vanitas didn't, just shuffled to his kitchen to set the wedding invitation on the island. Gere looked up from his food to give a questioning _merow_ before returning to the salmon. Vanitas pet his ears.

"I didn't know you had a cat," Ventus said, suddenly right fucking _there._ Vanitas had to resist the urge to smack him. "He looks about as grouchy as you do."

"It's why we get along," Vanitas said and Ventus laughed. _Laughed._ In all their years orbiting one another, Vanitas could count on one hand how many times he'd been able to make Ventus light up like that. It made something in him lurch.

"I could believe that," Ventus assured him, smiling wide and looking around at everything with curious eyes even though he'd been there before when Vanitas had first moved in. He was twirling something around his ring finger, which only seemed to add to his contentment.

Vanitas wasn't sure how he felt. Hollow was certainly a word. Confused, another. But for all they hated each other, he found a smile easier than he thought he could. "Well, let's see it then," he huffed, grabbing Ventus' wrist a lot less rougher than he wished. Ventus blushed, but let him study the ring resting there, a polished wood getup made of two colors, one a deep, rich brown, the other stained a dark blue. Vanitas had to snort at how damn predictable it all was.

"Oh, shut up,' Ventus puffed out his cheeks and pulled his arm away.

"They fucking deserve you," Vanitas said, hating how much he meant that. "You're all fucking cheesy as shit."

"Shut up," Ventus said again, but with an edge of laughter in his voice. He shoved at Vanitas' arm and went back to twirling the ring, looking so blissfully happy.

Vanitas again wasn't sure what to do, or feel. He wasn't used to dealing with Ventus when he was like this. For all they'd been together, dated, all that shit, Ventus had never looked like _this_ while with him. Vanitas was truly out of his depth for once when it came to Ventus, and for all that was like standing on the edge of some cliff somewhere very fucking high… it was also a relief. That maybe there were sides to Ventus he'd never seen and wasn't meant to drag out. That maybe they could finally stop being so damn alike. That their coin could find a way to sever, so Vanitas was once more his own half and Ventus his own as well.

Love had truly worked wonders for Ventus, it was plain to see. And that was another relief, that Vanitas wasn't the only one that had failed when they'd been together. Vanitas didn't know how to be in love, but if this was what Ventus looked like head over heels and Vanitas had never seen it before, then Ventus too had never been in love with him either.

And that… eased something inside Vanitas he hadn't even realized was coiled tight. Like taking a deeper breath when he hadn't realized he'd been barely breathing.

"So, how the fuck does this all work, anyway?" he heard himself ask, a smile on his face. And wasn't that just the weirdest sensation. "I'm pretty sure threesome marriages are still not a legal thing."

Ventus' cheeks puffed out again in embarrassment and a bit of annoyance at Vanitas' choice of words, but for once he just went with it. "Terra and Aqua are getting married officially," he explained. "Then at the reception, we're doing a ring ceremony to symbolically join me to them. We decided it would be the best option, because they were dating first before they decided to date me as well."

"Again with that fucking symbolism," Vanitas caught on, because God, they _were_ just that fucking corny. "Dating when they started dating you, now married when they add you in too. You guys are -"

"So damn cheesy, I _know,"_ Ventus laughed again, blushing and grinning wide. "But that's what's going to happen, so suck it up."

Vanitas rolled his eyes. "I don't know if I could stomach that much romcom shit," he admitted, petting Gere's ears again.

Ventus shrugged, and it was clear he wasn't expecting Vanitas to show. His honor had only led to the invitation, that was all. "That's up to you. I just wanted to let you know you were invited."

"And the future spouses are fine with that?" Vanitas asked dubiously.

"They weren't at first, but they understand our history," Ventus told him. "Like it or not, you were a major part of my life. It didn't seem right for you not to be at least be invited for my biggest chapter."

"You sound like a fucking Hallmark card," Vanitas said, shaking his head. "I'll think about it."

Ventus just nodded, again expecting that, and shouldered his bag strap higher on his shoulder, which told Vanitas he was ready to leave. But any pleasantry he was going to throw was cut off by Vanitas' phone going off and, nosy by nature, Ventus stalled in a clear attempt to peek into Vanitas' business.

 _You have one (1) new message._

 _Sora has sent a photo._

Vanitas raised an eyebrow to see a picture of his own house, though the meaning became clear enough as a follow up text quickly bleeped through: _IS THIS THE RIGHT PLACE I AM SO LOST?_

Ventus looked over his shoulder as Vanitas barked a laugh, blinking in surprise. "Sora is coming over?"

"We're doing a collab," Vanitas said, hardly paying attention to him while he typed out a quick affirmative. "I convinced him to try _ShadowCasts."_

"Oh my god," Ventus laughed in utter, older brother delight. "You know he's going to chuck his controller straight at your face, right?"

Vanitas nodded, honestly looking forward to just that. "He told me he punched you once."

"Laugh all you want, but he has a _mean_ left hook," Ventus' nose scrunched in memory. "My nose didn't stop bleeding for half an hour."

"That is why he's my favorite," Vanitas cackled, moving back towards his living room. Ventus followed with a playful indignace on his face and Vanitas had to force himself not to stop and stare. What was all this playful teasing suddenly? More unknown territory.

But Vanitas didn't have the time to be defensive. The doorbell rang, giving Vanitas the perfect excuse to look away from Ventus and focus on something else. And that was a beaming, out of breath Sora, who really shouldn't be looking at Vanitas like he was the moon or some shit. Fuck.

"Sorry I'm late," he breathed, eyes downright sparkling with joy. And that shot something through Vanitas' chest a little like awe and a lot like embarrassment and he was all too aware of the way Ventus was smirking at his back. Like _he_ was the romcom fuckery and not Ventus. Double fuck.

Vanitas could only mutely open the door wider to let Sora bounce through, which he did with a gleeful look, but stopped dead in his tracks seeing Ventus there. "Oh, uh…"

"Don't worry, we weren't trying to kill each other," Ventus said, still with that smug look. Vanitas glared at him over Sora's shoulder, but Ventus just smirked more, the dickwad, and hugged Sora tight. "Have fun with the horror game."

"Uh, yeah," Sora said, obviously off balance, but the reminder of just why he was there had his expression pinching into one of disgust. Vanitas laughed at him.

"Oh yes, this will be fun," he grinned all teeth, the way he did when he teased Sora over the phone. It felt damn good to be able to do it in person so Sora could get the full effect of his expression. He was expecting Sora to puff his cheeks out the way all the Uchiyama-Irimo siblings seemed to when embarrassed, but instead he got a blush, which was almost better given the way Sora sputtered, sending Vanitas into another round of laughter. Well, at least until he realized how fucking _flirty_ this all looked.

Ventus practically floated out the door on a cloud of smugness having seen their pathetic romcom fuckery firsthand. Vanitas made a mental note to kill him later.

"Have fun you two!"

Sora was still blushing when Vanitas not too subtly shut the door on Ventus' face, but positively lit up all over again hearing the tell-tale _thud_ of Gere hopping off the kitchen island and the tinkle of his bell collar as he trotted over to say hello. New people always had Gere's interest for all of two seconds before they tried to pet him, which either resulted in purring or biting. Vanitas almost felt like warning Sora about that.

But Sora was obviously used to cats, given he knelt down and offered his hand for Gere to sniff, not moving to pet him until Gere rubbed his face into Sora's palm. "Nice to meet you," he gushed, scratching under Gere's chin. Then his sunlight smile was on Vanitas full force and it sorta felt like walking into a fucking pole. "He's even more handsome in person."

Vanitas snorted at the stars he could see in Sora's eyes. "It's part of his allure," he said, unable to keep from grinning. "As I said, too fucking powerful."

"No wonder he's spoiled," Sora giggled and moved to stand, though immediately bent back over to pet the purring cat weaving around his legs.

"He likes you." And wasn't that weird as shit? Gere was very particular about who he let close and generally saved the buttering up for Vanitas alone. Vanitas crossed his arms to assess the younger man more closely. "You some fucking Disney prince or some shit?"

"I've been accused of that before," Sora shrugged, trying to get upright again but Gere just kept rubbing and purring and Sora was enough of a sucker to pet him more. "Oh man, allure is right. How do you get anything done?"

"Talent," Vanitas sighed, because it was honestly hard to get shit done when Gere got into cuddly moods. "Generally I keep him out of my gaming room."

"You should let him on camera," Sora said and cautiously moved to pick Gere up. Gere allowed it, purring even more, and Sora beamed in happiness. Definitely a Disney prince. "Your fans would adore him."

Vanitas reached over to muss Gere's ears, smiling fondly at his cat who was clearly enjoying all this attention way too much. "Yeah, maybe," he allowed before tilting his head towards the game room, indicating for Sora to follow him. Sora made that disgusted face again, but obediently followed and set Gere down outside the room.

"Since you like to throw shit, I decided to improvise," Vanitas explained the set up after Sora shot him a very confused look. "That, and both of us need to be in frame. Desk is too damn small."

"Ah," Sora sighed, blushing again, and took the seat Vanitas indicated. He grabbed one of the pillows and hugged it to his chest. Catching Vanitas' knowing smirk, he stuck out his tongue. "Shut up. You want me to play a scary game, I get to strangle a pillow. Or strangle you. Your choice."

"Fine, fine," Vanitas chuckled, grabbing the headset he'd bought for Sora to use and sliding them on Sora's head. "Fit okay?"

Sora adjusted them slightly and nodded, breathing deep and getting into that calm professionalism Vanitas had seen him use for his own videos. Not that it would last.

If Vanitas had known what the next few hours would be like, he would have invited Sora over so much sooner. As it was, he started up the camera and the game and took his place by Sora's side, handing him the controller.

When that video went up, everything would change. He just didn't know it yet.


	8. Chapter 8

"Oh man, oh man, oh no, oh FUDGEMUFFINS!"

Vanitas was pretty sure he'd never laughed this much in his life. He barely managed to grab the controller as it went flying and held it out for Sora to take. "Don't throw it, idiot, you still have to get past -"

"I'm dying!" Sora screamed and flailed for the controller, only succeeding in smacking it back to the floor. The character died a horrible death with a sickening _crunch_ and Sora covered his eyes as the screen filled with blood spatter.

"Is it over, then?" he said, sounding close to crying.

Vanitas laughed. "You have to start over now," he said and handed him the controller again.

"What?!" Sora's scandalized face had him laughing all over again. "Are you _serious,_ I have to start - AH NO NOT TODAY TURDHOUSE, I SEE YOU."

"Turdhouse?" Vanitas had to wipe his eyes he was laughing too hard.

"He is," Sora insisted while successfully killing the monster. He managed the next few minutes with minimal screaming, but his shoulders slowly started to rise as he approached the dark chamber where all hell would break loose.

Even knowing what was going to happen, it didn't seem to help Soa at all. The moment the swarm started, he screamed out his funny little not-obscenities and furiously pressed buttons. The screaming seemed to keep him from throwing the controller, however, though it did nothing to help Vanitas breathe. Worth it.

"SHIITAKE MUSHROOMS!" Sora exclaimed as he passed the point where he'd died before and made the character sprint for his life while a horde of monsters chased after him. "Run faster! I refuse to play this level again!"

Vanitas cackled, expecting a monster to tackle the character any moment, yet with every jumpscare, Sora flailed and screamed, but managed to keep hold of his controller and his panic only seemed to help him navigate. Didn't make it any less funny.

"Oh, OH OH OH!" Sora's controller finally went flying as the character fell through a door and into darkness. Sora screamed at the game, covering his face with his sleeves. "No, no no no, NO!"

"Its okay," Vanitas managed through his laughter. "You made it through the level, see?"

Sora peeked around his fingertips, looking miserable and hopeful all at once. He slumped completely over when the screen faded into the words _Level Complete._

"Oh thank god," he said, muffled into his pillow.

"That was hilarious as fuck," Vanitas said, wiping his eyes again. He paused the game and pulled up the stats. "I think that was the fastest I've ever seen anyone complete that level."

Sora slowly sat up again, blushing and pouting. "Of course I did it quick, I didn't want to play it again!"

Well, that was adorable as fuck. Vanitas snorted and pushed him over again. "You beat your brother's score."

"Pure adrenaline," Sora said sagely, lifting a finger into frame. Vanitas couldn't wait to see the footage.

"I could believe that," Vanitas said, setting the controller to the side and looking at the camera to finish up the video. He poked Sora's side. "Well, what did you think of the game? The viewers are waiting to hear your opinion."

"I'm pretty sure they only care about how badly I was screaming through it," Sora said, but sat up all the same, hugging his pillow and pouting again. He looked at the camera with the same ease he held in his own videos, which was a sort of thrill Vanitas hadn't been expecting, watching Sora be this professional, even though before he'd been a screaming, laughing mess. "The graphics are pretty amazing and the jumpscares are on point," he said, shuddering. "But I'm a scaredy cat, so this game is a bit much? However, I read the premise before playing it and I have to say the story sounds super interesting. This is a game I wouldn't mind watching someone else play? Not many horror games manage to find a good balance between story and gore, but this game is impressive so far."

Vanitas nodded, trying not to look impressed. "I'd have to agree. I've played up to Level Three. The story is definitely a lot deeper than I was expecting. And the gore is pretty great. Only gets more fucked up the more you play, so there's something for everyone."

Sora made a face at that, making Vanitas laugh. "I'll stick to just watching you play."

"Probably smart, I don't think my controller could take being dropped again."

"At least I didn't punch you in the face?"

Vanitas barked a laugh at that and shoved his arm playfully. Sora beamed at that and let the momentum tilt him over, where he flopped back onto the pillows. He stayed that way as Vanitas went into his normal farewell, eyeing Sora's hand as it waved next to his face, the only part of Sora in frame. He wasn't even sure Sora was even trying to be funny. He was just being himself, and that translated as perfectly cute and hilarious. The fans were going to lose their minds.

Vanitas got up to shut off the camera and rewound the video just to make sure he'd gotten all the footage. Sora watched him from the pillows, still hugging one, and Vanitas told himself it wasn't endearing as fuck.

"We don't have to do that again, do we?" he asked, pensive. Vanitas almost wanted to lie, just to see Sora panic, but thought better of it at the truly desperate look on the man's face.

"We got it all," he said and snorted as Sora sighed in loud relief. "That was hilarious as fuck. The fans will lose their shit."

Sora grinned. "You think so? I mean, I know they're gonna be surprised, because of all collabs, we're a bit of a weird pair."

Vanitas raised an amused eyebrow at him. "Our fans are insane," he said plainly. "How have you not noticed that?"

Sora's cheeks puffed out and he pouted. "THey're not insane," he defended. "They're… uh, dedicated?"

"Dedicated," Vanitas echoed with a snort. "They're like a pond of goldfish. Throw them some food and they flip their shit."

Sora sighed. "I guess I can see that, but I've only gotten really sweet comments."

"Check mine out sometime," was all Vanitas had to say to that. He moved to the door to let Gere trot in and reclaimed his spot on the pillows.

Sora was quiet as Gere climbed happily into his lap and Vanitas started up the game again, playing where Sora had left off. Sora jumped a few times and leaned in a bit behind Vanitas as though to hide, but true to his word, he seemed interested in the game itself now that he could actually pay attention to the story going on and not the adrenaline rush.

"What do your fans say?" Sora asked after Vanitas got the character into a more quiet stretch of hallway. He was frowning a little, worried, and not quite looking at Vanitas as he asked it.

"Just the usual shit," Vanitas assured him. "People will ship anything, these days."

Sora went red. "S-ship?"

"You know, sayin' two people should fuck," Vanitas said, not having any mercy on him. After all, it was ridiculous that Sora would want anything to do with him that way, so he only found it funny. That Sora just seemed embarrassed as shit made it even more so.

"i-I…" Sora made a soft squeaking noise, then cleared his throat. "I haven't gotten any messages like that."

"You will once this video goes up," Vanitas said plainly. When Sora just sat there blushing and quiet, Vanitas paused the game to frown at him, wondering why something in him was starting to drop. "Unless that bothers you or some shit," he said. "We can scrap the collab -"

"Why would that bother me?" Sora cut across in a rush, then went even more red. "I mean… have you _seen_ you? I'm more worried it would bother you."

Vanitas stared at him a long moment, then slowly broke into a wide grin. Sora squeaked again, like Vanitas was a cat and he the cornered mouse. It certainly felt that way to Vanitas.

"You think I'm sexy?" he teased the man, reaching out to pinch Sora's cheek.

Sora sputtered and smacked his hand away. "I didn't say that!" he said quickly, going scarlet as Vanitas laughed. His face twitched as he valiantly fought a smile of his own, but couldn't hold it back, and shoved Vanitas' shoulder with a dramatic groan. "Butthead."

"You really need to learn how to curse," Vanitas said, easily catching Sora's swatting hands at the wrists. His grip was loose enough Sora could pull back, but to his surprise, Sora did not, just pouted up at him with his pink cheeks and too bright eyes. Again, he felt like he'd walked face first into a pole and lost his breath for a whole new reason that had nothing to do with laughing.

"I tried it, it wasn't me," Sora shrugged, eyes flickering to where Vanitas's fingers were wrapped around his skin. "My mom never approved, so I never got into the habit. And then I realized making up my own sort of 'curse words' make people laugh…. Didn't see much point in going into proper cursing when I could make people laugh."

"You're as corny as your brother," Vanitas told him, but there was no heat to it. If anything, it was _fond._ A fondness for Sora… because apparently that was happening now. Fuck.

"I had to get it from somewhere," Sora shrugged a shoulder and looked up at Vanitas through his lashes with a bashful smile. And that sorta made everything stop.

Gere to the fucking rescue, thank fuck. The black cat sat between them with a loud _merow_ to get their attention, since they were both ignoring him and that was a crime that could not go unpunished. But even with this perfect excuse to _fucking let Sora go, fucking fingers, fucking_ _ **move**_ _you fucks,_ he did not let go as fast as he wanted. There was plenty of skin sliding and Sora blushing and _fuck,_ he really was in a romcom. Nope.

He cleared his throat and grabbed his cat with every intention of playing dumb. WHich wasn't even that far from the truth. He was more out of his depth here than he'd ever been in his life, and if that didn't make him feel stupid, he'd wear a fucking dress to the wedding. Fuck.

"You staying for dinner?" he asked Sora, picking up the controller again to resume the game. Gere settled into his lap, but purred at Sora, making the man smile and reach other to pet him.

"I mean… if you want?" he said softly, again with that look that made Vanitas' stomach drop. "I don't want to be in the way."

"Shut the fuck up, Sora," Vanitas huffed over that nonsense and Sora smiled at him, obviously getting it.

"Alright, then I'll stay," he said, looking far too happy at the prospect. "Do you want me to order pizzas or something? I don't mind buying."

"Fuck that shit,' Vanitas grunted. "Ventus would bitch if he heard about that. Order pizza all you want, but _i_ am buying, got that, idiot?"

He inwardly cringed at his harsh tone, but Sora didn't seem to take it personal… for some reason. In fact, he only giggled and grabbed his phone. "All right, fine, but if we do this again, _I_ am buying, got _that,_ stubborn mule?"

Vanitas laughed, startled, and shook his head at him in near wonder. "Where the fuck you been my whole life?"

He regretted the question immediately. Talk about mushy, romcom fuckery. That was straight out of a fucking chick flick.

But Sora took it in stride, smiling a silly smile and petting Gere's ears. "Under a rock, probably."

Relief wasn't something he was used to feeling, but there was no denying the bright feeling deep inside him. Vanitas maybe wanted to smash something against his head, preferably a wall, but settled for shoving Sora over again. "Idiot."

"Yup," Sora said happily, giggling more as Gere hopped off Vanitas' lap to claim a spot on top of Sora. he looked even more delighted. "You love it though."

Vanitas realized he couldn't deny that, for all that was fuckery, and refocused on the game to muse over the turmoil of unknown emotions colliding in his gut. "Yeah, yeah," he said, like it didn't matter, and told himself it didn't.

He didn't quite manage to make himself believe it.


	9. Chapter 9

"We need a cool ship name," Vanitas said, offhand, and Sora did his best not to blush too hard in front of the camera. He covered the sudden urge to flail in his seat by reaching over to correct Vanitas' needle position against the sides of cloth he was currently sewing together. Which was a terrible idea, really, because it meant touching Vanitas and he'd already discovered over a week of coming over that touching Vanitas in any capacity was just not good for his heart.

"Oh?" he chuckled, proud that at least his voice was even. He hated to think it, but he'd gotten good at hiding his emotions in high school, when his two closest friends had started to date after dating _him_ separately. Pretending everything was just fine was really the only way he'd survived getting over his crushes for them both. Not healthy, of course it wasn't, but it did save him quite a deal of drama and embarrassment in the long run.

But with a camera pointed at them and Gere's judging look, he felt a little more under pressure. The cat, at the very least, knew he was lost on Vanitas pretty good, he was absolutely certain of that. And their fans were getting wise (and how embarrassing that had been to see). Vanitas hadn't been joking about his comment section being full of enthusiastic shippers.

"VoidSkies?" Vanitas put out there, obviously taking it all in stride. Ventus had been utterly right about him, in that he'd never assume Sora would be in the least bit interested. As it stood, Vanitas seemed to think it was all hilarious. Which it was, but still. Ouch. "BlueGamer? Nah, VoidSkies, that sounds much more badass."

"Don't encourage them," Sora swatted at him. Vanitas flipped him off and for a moment it looked like they were about to get into a slap fight, but instead refocused on his sewing and victoriously tied off his thread and cut it. Sora couldn't stop a smile even if he'd wanted to. "Looks good."

"Damn right it looks good," Vanitas puffed up proudly and held it up to the camera. "Look at this adorable little shit."

Sora giggled and touched the corner of the tiny cat shirt. He'd drawn up the plans for it, done all the measuring and cutting, but it was always a thrill to see the design come to life. And it was, in fact, rather adorable.

"Only the hemming left," he told him, grinning. "I told you, you could do it."

"Shut the fuck up," Vanitas said in his typical deflect and Sora hoped he wasn't imagining the fondness in Vanitas' voice. He flipped the fabric to the bottom edge and frowned in challenge. "Okay, show me how to hem this shit."

Sora did so, the way he'd walked Vanitas - as well as the viewers - through hand sewing a mini shirt. There were more applications for it than just a shirt for Gere to wear, of course, such as a shirt for a teddy bear, which Sora was sewing in time to demonstrate the stitches, and that was the idea of their collab. Sora had had viewers asking him to make a tutorial and a few others that had asked for a hand sewing demonstration, given they were new to craft and didn't have access to a sewing machine. Tie that all up with spending time with Vanitas, Sora could only call this all a big win, even if his fans were only going to ship them harder and that meant only more mortification later on.

At least Vanitas was taking it well. Sora wasn't sure what he'd do if Vanitas had been disgusted. Dig a hole under his house and live there for the rest of his life, probably. Small mercies.

Vanitas got to work on the hemming, looking adorably determined about it. Sora had to focus on his own hemming to keep from gushing. Though that meant meeting Gere's eye from where the cat was curled in his lap, gaze all knowing.

Could cats smell crushes? Crap. Good thing he couldn't talk.

Sora distracted himself from the tip of Vanitas' tongue poking through his lips by looking up at the camera to explain his own hemming and how much fabric to use, as well as a couple different stitches that would hold the hem strongly. When Vanitas made a frustrated noise, he leaned over to help him straighten out his stitch line, then grinned as Vanitas finished going around.

"And you're done," Sora said, insides a mess of pride and affection.

"Fuck yeah," Vanitas said, giving the shirt a few experimental stretches before folding it right side out, showing off the skull and crossbones of the fabric he'd chosen. "Told you it'd be awesome."

"I never doubted it," Sora laughed, tying off his own hemline. He set down the shirt as Vanitas called Gere over to try it on. "How's the fit?"

"Looks good," Vanitas said after a moment, wiggling it onto his cat. Gere looked unimpressed, but allowed his owner to move him this way and that to check that the little shirt wasn't too tight. Vanitas shot a grin at Sora that was all teeth. "Looks damn good."

"It does," Sora grinned and reached over to pet the grumpy cat. "He looks so handsome!"

Gere sniffed the fabric and sighed, purring at Sora and laying down in Vanitas' lap, obviously not willing to bother with the contraption fitted over him if it meant he could nap some more.

"And there you have it." Sora held up his little shirt he'd made to the camera and went into the closing he'd scripted, though it was interrupted by Vanitas telling their fans to vote on a ship name for them. Cheeks burning, Sora got up to shut off the camera and check the footage. He rewound it until their shopping trip from the day before came up and felt himself smiling as it paused on a frame of Vanitas gaping up at a full rack of yawn with a look of disgust at the sheer amount of rainbow there was.

Thankfully, Vanitas' voice snapped him back to present before he could mush into a puddle of goo. Man, he had it bad. "Got it all?"

Sora shot him a thumbs up. "We're good."

"Thank fuck," Vanitas flopped back on the cushions they'd yet to remove from the studio floor. Gere made a grumpy noise of protest then moved to Vanitas' chest to lay down, purring.

Sora felt himself pudding anyway and sighed, forcing himself to turn away and stuff the camera into his bag. "So what now? More video games?"

"Lunch first," Vanitas started, though it turned into muffled protest as Gere perked up at that word and promptly sat on his face. "I can't fucking get you lunch if you don't fucking move, fucking mob boss cat."

Sora laughed and plucked Gere up, petting the cat's ears. Vanitas shot him a betrayed frown. "Your own fault for spoiling him," he said with a smug look and moved off to the kitchen.

"Like you're any better."

Sora shrugged unashamedly and sat at the kitchen island. Gere hopped from his arms to the countertop and yowled at Vanitas very much like a demanding boss the moment the man shuffled in after them.

"Fucking cat," Vanitas sighed and pulled out a plate of chicken and shoved it gracelessly into the microwave. "Glad I had fucking leftovers."

"Not that it'll be fast enough," Sora giggled and, on cue, Gere jumped down to sit on Vanitas' foot to further demand his food.

"I can't fucking win," Vanitas grumped, but still looked fond and blew on the chicken to cool it a little before putting it on the floor for Gere. "Here, mob boss. Can't say I've never done anything for you."

Sora watched with that warm feeling in his chest he'd had since the first time Vanitas had called him and he'd imagined what it would be like to sit in the kitchen and watch Vanitas cook and interact with his cat. Now that he was here, the feeling had only gotten warmer, brighter, more encompassing. He was in so much trouble and he just didn't care. Couldn't care.

"What do you want?" Vanitas asked, once more sticking his head in the fridge. "Got some taco stuff. Want tacos?"

"Mmm," Sora licked his lips happily. "Yes please."

Vanitas snorted, seeing that, and moved about to get everything ready, which left Sora the perfect excuse to just sit there and watch him. He just hoped he didn't go too doe eyed.

But it was hard. Sitting here, watching Vanitas, hearing him, even smelling his aftershave… it felt like a gift. Like something Sora was lucky to witness. Something for just the two of them. And maybe it wasn't anything special, just Vanitas in his home, comfortable and relaxed, bad mouthing everything he touched, but it _felt_ special.

After all, Vanitas was allowing him to be here, orbit his space. See him this way. Vanitas, who always put up such a powerful front. He was allowing Sora to see him cozy and unguarded. Given his suspicious nature, Sora wondered if Vanitas was waiting for him to take advantage of just that, attack him with his guard down. It's what Ventus had probably done.

Well, it was a good thing he was very much not Ventus.

"VoidSkies, hm?" he dared himself to broach that topic, hating how his cheeks already felt warm. "Think it's a good idea to fan the flames? You're the one always saying our fans are crazy."

"Might as well go with it," Vanitas shrugged. "I've seen some YouTubers being shipped together that opposed it, or refused to acknowledge it. Just a fuckload of drama."

That was sadly true. Sora hadn't seen anything of the like firsthand, thankfully, but he'd heard the horror stories. "That, and it's funny."

"It's fucking hilarious," Vanitas barked a laugh. "People really have nothing better to do than ship us, like what the fuck?"

Sora did his best not to be hurt by that. After all, Vanitas didn't know how Sora felt, probably couldn't even imagine Sora feeling that way about him. That hurt almost more than anything else. But it didn't stop a twinge of bad feelings from rising up, an echo of past heartaches where similar words had been spoken. "Maybe they see something we don't?" he went with, trying to laugh.

"I mean, we're obviously handsome," Vanitas mused. "But seriously, Sora, if any two YouTubers appear in a collab and get along, at least one fucking person starts shipping them. Sometimes without them even doing a collab."

That was true as well. Sora chuckled thinking back on a few of the comments he'd read when their first collab had gone up. Embarrassing to read, but also a bit funny too. Sora could at least see where Vanitas was coming from. It _was_ humorous seeing their fans freak out over them. And it'd only get worse when Sora finished editing their second collab.

Still. "I don't know, it doesn't seem that hard to imagine," Sora said, terrified of each word, but refusing to call them back. "You and me."

Vanitas paused and looked at him and Sora's heart lurched into his throat at how unreadable his expression was. "You're joking, right?" was what he said, eyebrow raising. "You could do so much better."

Sora frowned as Vanitas turned away and went back to cooking, musing not so much on the words, but how Vanitas had spoken them. Like pure fact, like the sky was blue and water was wet. Like he truly believed it and that Sora believed it and the world believed it too.

"You should give yourself more credit than that," Sora said softly, heart hurting for him.

"Please." Again with that offhand attitude. More fact. "No one needs me, and I don't need anyone. So much less drama that way. Now," he added, almost combatively, as though daring Sora to stop him from changing the subject, "if you want vegetables on this, fucking get out. We are a green free zone."

Sora laughed and accepted the taco as was, and let Vanitas go off onto another topic. As he mused around each bite, watching Vanitas get animated with his voice and hands, he wondered at what else Vanitas assumed about himself and about Sora, and saw the challenge Vanitas was posing. Ventus had said he'd have to fight for this and it was painfully clear he would have to. And it most definitely wouldn't be easy. The idea shouldn't have exhilarated him as much as it did.

But then again, his mother had always said he was stubborn. So if Vanitas thought Sora would give up that easily, he was in for a surprise.

He just hoped Vanitas would see, if nothing else, that he was worth the fight.


	10. Chapter 10

Two days after the second collab had gone up, Sora was no closer in figuring out how to convince Vanitas of his feelings, but he'd at least managed to turn his embarrassment over the torrent of reviews begging them to date into inspiration. After all, it was nice to see that he wasn't the only one who felt they could be a couple. And maybe his fans were a bit weird and obsessed, but the majority weren't mean about it or pushy, which he was thankful for.

It was like affirmation that he wasn't just caught in some puppy love and seeing things that weren't there. He really was trying to be as honest with himself as he could. Vanitas wouldn't accept anything less, he was certain. He had to take his time, really understand what he felt, and knowing their fans supported him was a boost of confidence he needed.

Not that they knew much, of course. They didn't know he was on what felt like a Crusade for Vanitas' heart. In fact, the only thing he'd really given had been in an answer to a comment that had been a question on the brand of fabric used for the cat sweater, and then a more cute question following it asking if they were dating. Sora made it a point to answer all questions when it came to supplies he used, or price options, because he _did_ cater to a bunch of craft people, so he'd answered the question about the fabric, and felt he had to answer the second too, and the simple _no we aren't dating :)_ had set off a chain of more comments.

It was still a bit embarrassing though. A lot of general fangirling was just bound to be embarrassing. But he worked hard to take it as support, otherwise he'd probably crawl into bed and hide until it all blew over, and that just wouldn't work.

And there _were_ those few comments that simply made his resolve brighten. One in particular he'd actually copied onto a Word document after he'd found it on Vanitas' page and printed out to hang on his magnetic calendar. Perhaps that was weird, he didn't know or care, because the words more or less highlighted what he wanted to prove to Vanitas. A simple statement of _I've followed this channel since_ _ **VoidGear**_ _started and I generally roll my eyes at all the shipping comments nowadays, but I'll say this: I've never seen_ _ **Void**_ _look so happy before?_

That was it really, but it said so much. The channel had been up more than five years, right after Vanitas and Ventus had parted ways in fact. It made sense that Vanitas wouldn't be the most cheerful person online after that break up, but he'd had years to get over it, and it was clear he had. His online persona was quirky, sarcastic, and smiled plenty, so for someone who'd watched Vanitas settle into his channel to say Sora made a noticeable difference? Vindication.

Now if he could only keep his siblings from teasing him. Then it would all be perfect.

Ventus, at least, was supportive, and seemed to get that Sora was about embarrassed as one could be in this situation, though that hadn't stopped him from showing the collab videos to Roxas and Xion, because he was clearly a traitor.

But Sora wouldn't be Sora if he didn't try to find some sort of silver lining. And by the time Roxas and Xion barged in on him during breakfast, he'd convinced himself of this at least: if they questioned him about his feelings, he'd take it as practice for when Vanitas would. And he could definitely use the practice.

"Do you think it's a good idea to fall for Ventus' ex?" Roxas started, as blunt as ever, and stole some of the scrambled eggs off Sora's plate. Sora pouted at him for that, but shrugged, and gave Xion a piece of his pancake that she'd been eyeing.

"Ventus is cool with it," Sora told him, grateful it was the truth. "And it's not like I see Vanitas as 'the ex' anyway. We're friends and that has nothing to do with Ventus." Also truth and also a relief.

Roxas stared him down, looking as grumpy as he always did when he was deep in thought. Sora knew his brother well enough to know the next question would be something almost left-field, but still very much connected, somehow, and calmly ate his food.

"Does he know about the _tag?"_ was what came out of his mouth. Sora stared at him blankly.

"I'm almost afraid to ask."

Xion giggled a little and cut across before Roxas could answer, more than likely to keep him from getting too smug. "You two have artwork," she explained. "And fanfiction. I do believe you are trending on twitter."

Sora went red and Roxas looked smug anyway. "We have a _tag?"_

"Mhmm," Xion told him, taking another piece of pancake.

"Dude, at this point you have porn blogs," Roxas huffed, far too pleased to say that, though he looked as grumpy as ever. It was only years of knowing him that let Sora decipher that brand of grumpy face with 'totally delighted' face.

"You're serious?" Sora asked weakly. The very idea that there was _porn_ out there… "Oh my god, I need to sit down."

"You are sitting down," Xion said, coming over to steady him. Sora almost didn't feel her little hand, staring blankly at the table.

"Do you think Vanitas knows?"

"Probably?" Roxas scratched the back of his head, his grumpy face going into a more worried one. "I mean, he started the ship name and that started the tag. I'm sure he's had a few fans tell him about it."

Sora let himself panic for all of three seconds before he decided he wasn't going to worry about it. After all, it wasn't his fault and Vanitas was probably just laughing himself sick over it all. So he breathed in, out, and settled down.

"I'm sure it'll be okay, Sora," Xion was saying when he came back to present, biting her lip. He quickly smiled in reassurance to her and pat her hand.

"I'm not worried," he said and found it was mostly true, thankfully. "It's not like I told people to make art or stories. It's embarrassing, but honestly Vanitas has just been laughing about all this. He's probably just laughing more now."

Roxas moved to his other side to steady him again, obviously reading something worrisome from his words. "You really like him, don't you?"

"I really do," Sora told him, smiling softly down at his breakfast as he remembered all the meals Vanitas had made for him during the few days of their collabs. It made him feel so warm and sappy. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt anything like it.

"Then he shouldn't be laughing," Roxas huffed.

Sora laughed at the protective edge in his younger brother's voice. "He doesn't believe my feelings yet," he told him before a rampage could begin. "He's more stubborn than you."

"I'm not -" Roxas started, but when both Sora and Xion shot him the same Look, he grumbled, "Fine. But still."

"I'm okay," Sora promised them both. "I knew this would be a fight and I"m ready for it. He's worth that."

Xion gushed a little and Roxa made a face. "I'm rooting for you!" she told Sora, hugging his shoulders. He hugged her back with a wide smile of thanks.

"If he breaks your heart I'll break him," was Roxas' version of the same sentiment and Sora hugged him too with a happy laugh.

"You two are the best," he told them and went back to eating, though paused with the fork in front of his face as something occurred to him. "Wait a minute… how did you two even _know_ about the tag? Have you been trolling for things to embarrass me?"

"Of course we did," Roxas told him while Xion blushed in embarrassment. "Xion found a picture on her art site and I went digging. Honestly i'm still tempted to burn my eyes with bleach about a few of the things we found."

"Axel would cry," Sora snorted at him. "Your eyes are too pretty to die."

"My eyes are the same as your eyes," Roxas said, rolling said baby blues, which were actually a bit more blue than Sora's would ever be, but Sora didn't argue, just grinned at the faint blush on his face.

"Uh huh."

"Oh!" Xion clapped her hands in excited thought. "Are you free today, Sora? We could look over the tag. I mean, if you'd like," she added on hurriedly. "Honestly there's some really good work out there, but if you'd be too embarrassed -"

"Nah, I wouldn't mind," Sora told her, more to see her smile than actually wanting to see some art of himself and Vanitas. It still seemed to surreal. But if he was willing to get support from the comments, why not from this new fanbase presence? He smiled even warmer the more he thought of it. "And we can have a movie marathon. It's been so long since we've hung out."

"Who's fault is that?" Roxas told him and wrapped his knuckles on Sora's forehead. Sora stuck his tongue out.

"I'm sorry, okay? Been busy," Sora puffed his cheeks. "I'll make it up to you. Stay the weekend?"

"That would be fun," Xion said, always happy to stay over. In that way, she'd stayed the same as when they'd first met. Amidst all Ventus' hate for him, Sora had almost been taken aback by how happy she'd been to know him, like he was some sort of Prince Charming. She still had stars in her eyes.

"We need stuff," Roxas pointed out, but pulled out a stool all the same to show he was willing to stay.

Sora smiled. "You two still have drawers of clothes here,' he reassured them both. "But you can always invite Axel over to bring you more. I know he'll pout without you otherwise."

"Yeah, he is pretty hopeless," Roxas said and pulled out his phone to do just that. Xion moved to his side to add on that he ask Axel to grab some of her things too and Sora smiled, taking the time to get up to wash his plate.

 _You have one (1) new message._

Sora blinked as he felt his phone vibrate and pulled it out to read it. A picture of Gere in his little sweater, sitting at the front door.

 _He got used to you coming by,_ Vanitas had typed under it. _He's been waiting for you to come back for nearly an hour now._

Sora wasn't sure feeling his heart swell so much was healthy and had to press a hand to his chest to keep it from falling clear out of his ribcage, it was pounding so hard. Knowing that Gere was waiting at the door was charming, but the idea that Vanitas had figured out he was waiting for Sora made him blush. That Vanitas was acknowledging Sora had made it into their routine, enough so that Gere was actually missing him when he hadn't come… he felt a hope in his stomach so bright, he was pretty sure he was glowing.

 _Give him extra love for me,_ he managed to type, eyes a bit watery and a grin too wide on his face, his cheeks hurt. _My siblings are over this weekend, so I can't come love him up. But maybe next week sometime? We still need to finish ShadowCasts._

He did his best not to think this was Vanitas' way to subtly ask him to come over. Vanitas wasn't that kind of person. If he wanted Sora over, he'd ask, he was pretty sure. But the thought still tickled at Sora's mind and made him grin impossibly wider, until he felt like his face was about to crack open, and if it _was_ by some far chance Vanitas asking, he hoped this compromise would go over well.

He wanted so badly to be back there, sitting on the floor cushions Vanitas had kept from the first collab, with Gere purring in his lap and Vanitas cursing at the game, pretending he wasn't as creeped out by the storyline as Sora was. It was a physical pain. If only he could pull out his feelings and present them in some corporeal form to Vanitas, so he wouldn't be able to call them fake. Why couldn't it be that simple?

"I change my mind," Roxas said, suddenly _right there_ and sounding unimpressed. "Your face is too grossly in love, I don't want to see you pining."

"Shut up," Sora swatted at him, red cheeked and smiling still.

Roxas easily dodged and gave him a softer look, one Sora was sure he'd given Roxas once upon a time when Roxas had been wrestling with his own feelings of love. "You really love him, don't you?"

It wasn't the same question as earlier, exactly. Roxas was softer about it, more understanding, and Sora nodded, feeling the weight of his feelings like a warm flower opening up to the sunshine.

"I really do, I think," he admitted. "He makes me happy."

And he didn't even need to read Vanitas' reply to know how much. Just hearing the beep alone lit him up like nothing else did, and now his siblings could see it first hand. It felt good to share his bliss.

 _You have one (1) new message._

 _Vanitas has sent a text._

 _Tuesday and bring toys or treats. I demand a toll for making my cat so fucking sad._

Sora laughed and sent his promise along. Tuesday really couldn't come fast enough.


	11. Chapter 11

_(A/N: Sorry about the slight lateness of this chapter, I have a really bad ear infection going on so not a lot of writing was done in between doses of pain meds haha. Thanks for all the support and patience! Please enjoy C:)_

Tuesday really hadn't come fast enough. Because he was apparently some sort of glutton for punishment, Vanitas had taken the weekend to film two more videos back to back and spend Monday editing and posting. By the time Sora had shown up at his door around noon on Tuesday, Vanitas was pretty sure he was only awake out of sheer stubborn will (and the fact that his cat needed to eat). And by the look on Sora's face when he let him in, he was just as tired playing host to ruckus siblings.

It hadn't completely surprised Vanitas to find himself less playing video games and more watching Sora play with Gere with the new light up toy he'd brought, though Gere was demanding more cuddles than play after a tiring weekend of his own waiting at the door for Sora to come back. After all, his cat was cute as fuck and it felt good to see him harass someone that wasn't Vanitas for once. Though, of course, those cuddles led to Sora laying down and getting even more sleepy, which led to more staring on Vanitas' part, and he really couldn't keep deluding himself into thinking he was still staring because of the cat. It was all in all a level of sap he didn't think himself capable of. But it was… _good_ to have Sora there. Because apparently that was his life now. Fuckshit.

What _had_ surprised him, however, once he'd finally given up on trying to play a video game half awake and laid down on the pillows with Sora and Gere, was how _comfortable_ it all was. Probably the exhaustion talking, that was all, but still, he didn't feel he had to be defensive letting Sora see him so unguarded and he hadn't had that… well, ever. Which should've made him defensive all on its own, but he just felt… like a fucking sap, that's what he felt like.

Life in various foster homes had only made him cautious and untrusting, especially around sleeping time. He'd learned after being housed with one freak too many to sleep on his stomach to protect his vulnerable stomach and chest from attack. Ventus had called him a cat, once upon a time, the first night they'd ever slept in the same bed. Cats never showed their bellies except to those they trusted, and even then it wasn't an invitation for belly rubs. It was just a statement, simple and silent. Only other cat people would understand, and unfortunately, most the idiots that crossed Vanitas' path were very much dog lovers.

Sora was the opposite, it seemed. Sprawled on his back with Gere nestled on his chest, he'd been easily falling asleep as they talked over their weekends and Vanitas' upcoming videos. When he _had_ fallen asleep, he'd curled in on his side with Gere in the crook of his arm and snored gently, completely guileless, much like a newborn puppy would be. Or perhaps a kitten.

Falling asleep next to Sora had not been the plan. At all. But perhaps at the time it'd been a better option than just watching Sora sleep like some sort of creeper, and honestly he was fucking tired. So he closed his eyes and drifted off with every intention of being up within an hour or so. No harm in that, right? Right.

Three hours later, he awoke alone. The tumble of pillows and blanket where Sora had been suggested he'd gotten up at some point, and feeling the spot proved it was barely warm, so some time ago. Vanitas wasn't sure how to feel about Sora being able to sneak out in Vanitas' presence, asleep or not. Seriously, when had he lost his fucking edge?

At least Gere's absence made more sense when he realized the time. Almost a half hour past dinner for the mob boss cat. Shit.

He didn't allow himself to think of Sora leaving without a goodbye, or even waking him before he went. It wouldn't be the first time it'd happened to him. Ventus had done it, at the end, as had everyone else. It made sense that Sora would as well. And as he sat up to look for his cat, he told himself he wasn't disappointed. Just wanted to know where Gere was and why he wasn't loudly demanding food in Vanitas' face. Because that was odd and out of routine, and Gere was very much married to their routine.

The answer, when he got it, stopped him in his tracks barely a foot out of the studio, staring at his kitchen. Sora, talking softly on the phone - well, no, that wasn't right. He was in a video call and currently making a soft chuckle at whoever was there while leaning on the counter facing the microwave, which was on, and a very sleeping looking Gere was sitting on his foot.

"Peru? Man, you have to send me the pictures," Sora said after the microwave _dinged_ and he pulled free the plate. Vanitas recognized it as the plate of salmon he'd stored away from dinner the night before. Knowing Sora had remembered - and fuck everything, he was _feeding Vanitas' cat like they were fucking married what the fuck -_ sent an odd torrent of emotions through Vanitas he had no name for and frankly pissed him off, because even if he didn't know what they were, they felt too… _nice?_ Warm? Fluffy? The fuck? Vanitas was not made for such things. Not allowed to _feel_ such things.

Right?

" _Oh Sora, it's positively amazing!"_ A woman's voice filtered through and Vanitas thought he saw a spot of red on the phone next to a blur of something silver before Sora turned around to lean on the kitchen island, fanning the salmon until it was cool. Then he scooted the plate over for Gere, who hopped up and happily started eating. " _Riku managed to get us into areas we weren't able to last time. I'm just awestruck by all the colors."_

"Again, i demand pictures," Sora told them, voice soft and full of longing, expression almost pained the way Vanitas had never seen before. Not that he was by any means a Sora expert, but still. It was new enough that he decided to simply lean in the doorway of the studio to keep watching and listening, unseen. A bad habit, fine, but something about the sadness in Sora's smile told him to wait. Wait and watch and listen.

" _You'll get them,"_ a male voice that time. More than likely the 'Riku' mentioned earlier. " _Sorry again for not calling sooner though, Sor."_

" _Yeah, it's been so hectic, but really that's no excuse…"_

"It's alright," Sora chuckled, easier now, and waved a hand in frame as though to further reassure them. "I get that you two are busy. And I love seeing all the albums. I'm just glad you two are having a good time and staying safe."

The couple on screen spoke softly around some laughter Vanitas couldn't quite hear, but Sora was looking brighter, so he supposed that was fine. At least, until the girl asked, " _So, how is your mom?"_

"Getting on her feet still," Sora said and that sadness was back, tenfold, but his smile was full of filial pride. "It was a bit scary bills-wise a few months ago, but I think we managed to get on top of payments again, so that's good. And the doctor confirmed she's still in remission, so good news."

Vanitas stared at him, hardly hearing the congratulations given by the couple. Remission? Didn't that mean some sort of cancer? He thought back to all the times Ventus had ever mentioned Sora's mother and couldn't recall any news of her having cancer. Perhaps no one but Sora had known? And these friends?

" _Speaking of news,"_ Riku piped up around the girl's happy laugh, " _I've heard about the shipping tag going on with you and Ventus' ex. What is that even about?"_

Sora blushed and looked embarrassed, but not in the way Vanitas was expecting. No panic, no _fuck i need to lie or deny i have any connection to the dreaded 'ex'._ It was more of a -

"Oh man, you're in _Peru,_ how the heck did you hear about that!" Sora squeaked and covered his face with a hand because he'd been _found out._ "It's bad enough my siblings won't let me breathe without teasing me, but you two?"

The girl laughed. " _Sorry Sor, we're your best friends. We always know."_

' _And judging by your reaction, there's more to it,"_ Riku prodded, making Sora go a deeper shade of red. Vanitas wasn't even sure how there could be _more to it,_ given Sora was made of love and light and Vanitas just _wasn't,_ but…

But.

"I really like him," Sora breathed softly, almost looking miserable about it, but again, not in the way Vanitas would have expected. That was not the face of regret by any measure, just pure longing and… _fuck._

Why was he listening again? Ventus had always warned him he'd get into trouble doing this. But he couldn't make his body move, too stunned by the words, by Sora's expression, and unbidden, a memory from the week before came into his mind, of Sora hesitantly insinuating that the idea of he and Vanitas dating wasn't that far fetched. Fuck, had he been actually _serious?_

" _Are you going to ask him out?"_ asked the girl, around the same moment Riku asked, " _Is that a good idea?"_ A pause, probably with the couple making faces at one another, then he continued, " _I mean, he is Ventus' ex."_

Sora sighed, a bit exasperated now. Obviously an argument he was tired of. "I don't see him that way. Sure, maybe at the very beginning I did, but our friendship really has nothing to do with Ventus at all."

More quiet talking, which led Sora to making some rather interesting noises, which led to more laughter and blushing. "Kairi…"

' _Oh, you are so in love,"_ she gushed, but there was something else in her voice that was… _off._ Vanitas couldn't put his finger on it. " _I haven't seen you this happy in a long time."_

"To be honest, I'm not sure I ever have been," Sora said softly which about summed up that _off_ feeling. Loneliness. Utter loneliness. That's what that was. And maybe all this mushy talk was earth shattering, Vanitas' mind focused sharply on that, on the pain and longing in Sora's face he saw before, when he'd first come out and saw him on the call. Something had happened between Sora and this couple, something drastic. It was almost scary how quickly his hackles were rising to Sora's defense, which made _zero_ sense.

" _Just be careful,"_ Riku was saying when Vanitas forced himself to snap out of his thoughts. Sora had a faraway look in his eyes, but he smiled brightly for his friends all the same. Vanitas couldn't believe he'd never before seen how _sad_ that smile really was on Sora. or perhaps… no. no, it couldn't be. Could it?

Had he never seen this sad smile, because Sora's smiles for him were truly…

Oh. _Fuck._

"Take care of yourselves," Sora said, waving at his phone. "Please stay safe."

" _Hugs and kisses!"_ said Kairi, and Vanitas was pretty sure he heard her blow a few kisses before Sora chuckled and hung up.

The silence after that call was stifling. Sora sighed and set down his phone, then a new smile appeared on his face, the one he had for Gere, as the cat finished his meal and purred up at him, demanding pets. Sora mussed his ears the way Vanitas did, and that only made something in him drop even more.

Love, huh? He didn't want to believe it. Didn't even want to look at it. After all, he wasn't a creature made to love, to be loved. He didn't know how, didn't think he could even summon the feelings. There was nothing about him to love, either, unless you were a cat. Obviously.

But as Sora sat in the silence, his smile dimming and the pain back, even Vanitas couldn't find any way to laugh that off. Even if Sora was delusional for it, perhaps there really were feelings going on as highly improbable as they were. Sora was nothing but a surprise, though, so maybe it made sense he'd get himself into such a mess. The problem now was… what the everloving fuck did Vanitas do about it?

Stop being a creeper was probably the best start. He stepped back a few steps into the studio and made a show of shuffling out, as though just getting up, and focused on Sora's face intently around a squinty yawn. On cue, Sora's cheeks went red and his eyes went bright and really, no one had the damn _right_ to be that happy to see him. Double-triple fucked up sundae shit with cherries on top.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" Sora asked him, tucking his phone away quickly into his back pocket. "I tried to be quiet."

"I think i have an internal freak out button for when i'm late to make food," Vanitas shrugged, because that was true enough. "Usually it involves Gere and a lot of loud ass meowing so i'm more on time."

Sora chuckled at that, so easily, and this close to him, Vanitas could see how tired he really was. A real exhaustion, not just simple sleepiness he'd taken it as before. It was damn unnerving and more than a little _wrong_.

"Sorry, but you were really out," Sora told him and pet Gere's ears with a sweet smile. "Honestly, it's probably a good thing I got a call or we'd both have to answer to the mob boss."

"What a terrifying thought," Vanitas said dryly, hating that it was far from the truth. The idea of Gere bossing them both around brought back that mess of crap in his chest he didn't know how to deal with and he hated that even more.

But what bothered him the most right now was the darkness in the corners of Sora's eyes, the way his lids were droopy. He looked like he needed to sleep a thousand years and then some. And maybe Vanitas was a mess, but he was a protective mess, and just thinking back on that phone call had his hackles raising all over again.

Maybe he couldn't do any of this feeling shit, but right now it didn't matter, because he could at least help Sora sleep.

"You're staying the night," he said abruptly and had to smirk at the little squeak he got from Sora at that. Now that he knew there were _feelings_ involved, he could see them, plain as day, and it was rather amusing that Sora thought he was hiding them well.

Or maybe he wasn't hiding them, a treacherous part of his mind hissed. He just didn't think Vanitas would believe him. He couldn't even blame him for that, because ten minutes ago, he wouldn't have. Now, he didn't know.

All he knew was he was pissed and protective and very much wanted to get Sora wrapped into something soft as quick as possible. So that's what he would do. And while Sora slept, Vanitas would think about what was said and he would try to at least accept it was all happening. A solid plan.

And in the morning? That's when the hard questions would begin.


	12. Chapter 12

_(A/N: another apology for being late. Had a bad couple of days and needed to step back and take care of me for a little while. Thank you for your patience and understanding 3)_

Questions had been the plan, at least. And a sleepless night thinking too hard almost demanded it, if only so he could go the fuck to sleep afterwards. It wasn't often thoughts kept him up - it was usually the nightmares, or the bad memories on certain anniversaries - and though there was a marked difference in thinking of Sora instead of the general blackness of his past, it was no less distracting as all hell, and that sadness shadowing Sora's face from the evening before was no less haunting than the screams he'd left far behind, but never far enough. And perhaps that was why it bothered him so damn much.

So, questions. By the time Gere came demanding breakfast, Vanitas had more than a few lined up. But as he set a bowl of salmon out for the mob boss, Sora did not appear. Nor did he for a few hours more. Vanitas was torn between pride at making him sleep, because fuck it if Sora didn't need it, but at the same time, _questions._ Too damn many. And they were starting to irk the shit out of him.

"I shouldn't have given him the bed," he grumped to his cat at noon. Gere ignored him for the chicken he set out for him and at least that was normal. With how topsy fucking turby Sora had turned his life, it was good to have this spot of normal. Or what he'd called normal.

If he were honest with himself - which he generally wasn't, but he was fucking tired and therefore gave no fucks - to be honest, he was already discovering a new scary pattern, one that made his life almost pulled into two parts: life before Sora, and life with him. Not his usual fuckupery, for sure, and it was something almost… good? Was he even capable of that?

A horrid, loud ringing jerked him out of his thoughts, and rather jerked his elbow off the kitchen island in surprise, which was altogether unpleasant. He really needed to stop leaning his elbows on shit. Fuck. Glaring at the noise, he realized Sora had left his phone on the counter to charge and apparently he kept the fucking thing on full volume. Given how hard the guy slept, apparently, that was probably a good thing in practice, just not for Vanitas' nerves.

 _Mom,_ it read, complete with a picture on the screen of Sora and a woman Vanitas vaguely remembered, cheek to cheek and holding plushies, which he could only assume Sora had made. For a bare second, he downright panicked a little, remembering _mom_ and _remission_ and _bills._ He quickly swiped the screen to silent and panicked a little more. If it was important, he figured, she'd leave a message. Right? He'd eavesdropped more than enough - and _fuck,_ but that was bugging him too. How to explain that to Sora without it coming out fucking creepy? And why the hell did it even matter so much?

He nearly broke the phone when it rang again. _Mom._ Fuck, but that couldn't be good. And for all the racket, Sora had yet to emerge from Vanitas' room. Double fuck.

It was the echo of Sora's voice and sad, tired smile that had him answering it. Perhaps Sora wouldn't forgive him for getting into his fucking business, but this seemed important. Too important for a message. And if Sora's mother was sick, he knew Sora would need to know.

He just wished his 'sleepy as all fuck out' voice wasn't the same as 'about to take your clothes off' voice, and damn Ventus double time for ever pointing that out in the first place. He just prayed this would end quick. "This is Sora's phone."

There was a surprised pause, then a soft laugh. " _If I'm the mom and you have the phone, where is Sora?"_ she giggled and shit, but she was just as he remembered. Not that he remembered much, really, more a feeling. A feeling he only got when he contemplated what made a good mother. She was the only one that held that standard in his eyes.

"Sleeping, but I can wake him," Vanitas said, and _fuck you stupid sexy sleepy voice._ "I'm sure he wouldn't mind waking up to you."

Another laugh, delighted now. " _May I ask who this is?"_ she said. " _You don't sound like the usual ducklings that waddle after my son during sleepovers."_

Vanitas smirked at the mental image that conjured. The whole sunny clan of ducklings with Sora at the head, how fitting. And she hadn't taken his husky voice and that stupid line of waking Sora - which could imply they'd _slept together, thanks for nothing sexy self, fuck you -_ as them being any more than friends having a sleepover, like they were kids or some shit. Better than the alternative, anyway.

"Vanitas," he told her, not sure how she'd take it. Not that she'd ever been unkind in the past; he hadn't known her well enough for her to _be_ unkind. He'd orbited Ventus in those days and only Ventus. Any contact with her or Sora happened during those confrontations with Ventus and Sora's father he'd been unfortunately present for that had gotten awkward as shit. Honestly, if she remembered him at all, he'd be impressed.

What he got, however, surprised him.

" _Vanitas! The young man that looks like my son, right?"_ A happy gasp. " _How are you? My goodness, it's been so long! And I can't believe I didn't assume that already. Sora's been talking about you nonstop the past couple weeks!"_

"Oh?" Vanitas couldn't stop a wild grin even if he wanted to. He was a fucked up mess, fine, and maybe Sora was turning him on a better direction and whatever the hell that would entail, but he was damn sure blackmail would remain a standard. "Hopefully only the bad things."

She laughed, and he was quickly realizing how much he liked the sound. Rich, a hint of an accent. A big smile. Sora had definitely gotten his charm from her, not that toad of a father. " _A few bad,"_ she admitted, " _but that's what makes Sora so special. He sees both the good and the bad. He's always been that way."_

"Can see that," Vanitas said, because it was true enough. "Has a way of making it feel okay too, even as he's tearing up my heartstrings."

" _Ah, got you wrapped around his finger already then?"_

"Tell anyone and I'll deny it," he gruffed, smiling at her laughter. It was as infectious as Sora's.

" _I won't tell a soul,"_ she promised, and for once, he could believe such a thing.

"Hn. I'll get you to Sora now," he said, moving to the bedroom door. "With how loud this phone is, I'm surprised he didn't come running."

" _You'd be surprised, I usually have to call twice,"_ she told him. " _And don't worry, just tell him to call me when he's up."_

Vanitas made a noise of assent, given that was probably more comfortable than being caught talking to Sora's _mom_ of all people, but obviously the world hated him. Or loved him, given how ruffled Sora looked, off balanced and a tad panicked, as he wrenched the door open, wild eyed.

"Well, he magically heard us," Vanitas said, uncomfortably aware of his stupid sexy voice again as his traitorous eyes caught on where Sora's shirt - no, _his_ shirt, holy fuck - slipped a tad low, baring Sora's neck. Hello sexy neck kink, way to butt in at the worst possible time. "Take care of yourself, Sora's mom."

She tittered something cheerful he didn't catch, since he was already passing over the phone. "She called twice," he told Sora with a shrug, which belied the real tumbling of his insides. He'd answered Ventus' phone more than once and that had only led to screaming matches, and for all it was hilarious because Ventus… something in him downright _lurched_ just imagining Sora's face scowling even a fraction at him. And it lurched again when Sora nodded in understanding and then worry, and he couldn't decide if that was worse or not. What fuckery.

"Sorry," Sora mouthed and grabbed the phone hurriedly, apparently taking that bit of news the way Vanitas had, that it boded something bad. But he was quickly smiling again, then blushing, and then there was that shy look Vanitas hated to admit he was getting fond of, blue eyes under dark lashes… _fuck,_ that was a deadly combo.

Vanitas moved off to give Sora some privacy, even though he fully expected Sora to retreat back to the bedroom. Instead, Sora seemed stuck in place, red cheeked and embarrassed, while his mom teased him about something. Vanitas almost wondered if maybe she _had_ assumed they'd slept together and the idea shot a burning excitement though his body he'd only felt in his most dangerous moments, scaling tall buildings or stealing back a car from the local gang. What a hidden fox.

But if he wanted answers, he wouldn't be getting them, it seemed. Sora immediately responded to his mother in a different language, complete with rather adorable flailing, and after a few seconds of simply staring at Sora in surprise, Vanitas recalled the cadence and flair of the words.

He'd almost forgotten Sora was an Islander, his mother a native of Destiny Islands, where she'd met Sora's father and raised Sora for the first decade of his life. It made sense he'd know the language, but still, it was almost a certain… thrill? Like he was seeing something not many got to see. And perhaps they didn't. Ventus didn't know the language, and he doubted the other siblings did either. No, it was more likely something simply for Sora and his mother, an extension of that foreign lifestyle called love Vanitas would never know.

Which was all in all too bad, because that language was downright sexy for all Sora was a blushing mess. Ah, language kink, you can fuck right off too.

"I'll be there this weekend," Sora said, suddenly back to a language Vanitas understood. "Yeah, yeah, try to stay out of trouble? Love you too, mom. Take care."

Vanitas' felt the sudden need to be very fucking busy. Probably to keep from punching the wall and running headfirst out the door and into the next state over. Sora was up and he'd answered Sora's phone and he was _wearing Vanitas' shirt, why the fuck were all his kinks waking up?_

He grabbed a cola from the fridge with more focus than was strictly necessary, then another as he heard Sora move towards the kitchen. Shit, shit, shit.

"I, um, didn't mean to sleep so long," Sora started, sheepish and sweet and slowing relaxing. A good sign. Vanitas handed him the soda.

"Please, you were fucking dead on your feet," he said, his grouchy tone still tempered by sexiness. Fuckdammit, why didn't sexy voice have an off switch?

Because unlike Sora's mom, Sora was very aware of it, if the way his ears and that distracting neck went red to match his cheeks were anything to go by. Lord have mercy.

At least he could get some teasing in before this all went to shit. Vanitas smirked at him and leaned his elbows on the island as Sora sat down, leering at him a bit and delighting in watching another dark blush take over Sora's face.

"And sleeping in my clothes," he said, his grin all teeth. Ventus had always hated that grin. Like a predator's, he'd said. Better than prey.

"Sorry," Sora managed, stammering now. Gere looked up from licking his plate to sniff Sora's chin and lips, then bumped his head into him, as though giving him a better excuse to look away. He didn't quite manage it, a trait that sent another of those thrills through Vanitas. Ventus had always looked away at first, as did most people, to collect their thoughts, or arguments, or appropriate curses. Sora seemed speechless and hopelessly lost on him and there were so many warning bells going off in Vanitas' head he knew he'd have a headache later, but for the moment, it was worth it.

"Don't be," Vanitas told him, voice even lower now, and there really was no fooling himself anymore. He was flirting along with this teasing and Sora could read it the way no one else had ever done before. Fuck, why did his body have to be so fucking _honest?_

"Thank you, for the bed," Sora said, after a long, collective breath. Vanitas could see his pulse bumping hard in that neck of his and that was a new revelation all it's own. Fuck, but when had he ever gotten anyone's heart rate up for simple flirting? Fighting, yes. Fucking? Yes. But flirting? Stupid teasing? This was almost too easy.

So why did it feel like a thrill? Like a victory? Sora was giving him a weakness to exploit, blatantly so, and that was the end of the game, wasn't it. He knew the buttons to push now, so the interest should end. Once you read a book, after all, you could never read it again for the first time.

But looking at Sora, at that too blue gaze under those long lashes… he only felt interest. A rather intense, persistent interest. Growing. _Wanting._

Well, _fuck._ He wanted this man. Wanted to answer a question that hadn't even kept him up all night. And he knew, in that moment, he could take it, anything he wanted, and Sora would give it.

That sort of power was nothing new. But it had never… _scared_ him before.

"Vanitas?" Sora asked, voice just as low, just as wanting. Apparently Sora's sleepy voice and sexy voice were on two different tracks, lucky bastard. This was a deliberate switch. And by the way Sora leaned in just that inch or so, face warm and soft, it was all too clear that Sora, not Vanitas, was the confident one of the two of them. And that was an alien feeling.

Vanitas' throat went dry, mouth parting without a word to fill it, and his stupid, _stupid_ eyes got caught on Sora's mouth. It wasn't exactly smiling, but it didn't matter. Apparently his head was just as fucked as his eyes. He knew the curve well enough to trace it in his mind, and that scared him even more.

"Fuck," he said, the word barely there, and fell into the past. To perhaps the only soft lit moment in an otherwise dark life. To a playroom, abandoned, children running outside. In trouble, with bandaids peppering his scarred knuckles, and a warm embrace holding him close.

" _Did you know people carry kisses in their lips? A secret kiss, one in each corner. Unseen, until you look. Until you find yourself lost in that special place. And suddenly, there they are, kisses, waiting just for you."_

Sora had kisses, his mind unhelpfully pointed out, and he wanted very much to scream. What was it that Ventus had always warned him? Turnabout's fair play? Who knew that bastard could be right about that? Fuck, fuck, _fuck._

"Vanitas?" Sora asked again and his expression was shifting now into something more worried, and that somehow seemed even more wrong than everything else.

"You…" Vanitas choked on the curses, on the pain, the fear. _How dare you,_ he wanted to say. _What have you done? Why are you doing this?_

But what even was he doing? Loving him? Sora didn't even know he knew. He was probably still half asleep, not even really getting this. Vanitas could laugh this off, tease him, and push back for control as he'd done a thousand times before with Ventus and all others brave enough to withstand his teasing. But the more he tried to scrabble for that normal route that had never failed him before, the more it slipped away. Dirt between his hands.

"Your mouth is mocking me," he said instead, and in all the confusion, he knew only one thing. He was officially fucked. Beyond all reason. Beyond all sanity. And he couldn't stop the train wreck. Didn't know how.

"My mouth?" Sora asked and Vanitas watched his lips form the words in a heady haze, sensual and slow.

Sora leaned forward more, curious, and Vanitas felt that urge to run, but didn't move, just let Sora lean closer, like a predator slowly circling its prey.

Fuck, when had he become the prey? Had he always been this weak? Had he always been this… wanting?

"Fucking kisses," he said, cursing that golden memory and the hope that had been planted then, that an echo of love, no matter how empty, could be open to him. Him, a wretched, unloveable thing. He still doubted he could feel love, but he was at least feeling _something,_ and he'd always been a thief.

But if he'd thought he was stealing anything, he was wrong again.

When the kiss came, it wasn't from him. It was Sora who cupped his cheek and moved their lips into a fit that made him shudder. Sora who smiled and breathed so damn _happily_ and pulled back with confidence. Who pulled him back in for another when Vanitas could do nothing more than make a breathless noise and wonder just where he'd lost all control.

And when the panic came, it wasn't Sora who backed down.

It was him.


	13. Chapter 13

Panic was the immediate response, feeling Vanitas jerk back. A string of apologies were on Sora's tongue instantly watching Vanitas back up into the counter like some sort of caged, hunted animal, but seeing his wide eyes surprisingly made the apologies shrivel up and the panic… well, it didn't settle, exactly, but with Vanitas so shocked, downright _frightened,_ he felt a calm, even though he was as surprised as Vanitas looked.

"Vanitas?" Sora asked him, voice level and soft. Vanitas flinched as though Sora had downright socked him in the jaw.

"No," was what he said, which didn't exactly make any sense. Panic rarely made sense in Sora's experience.

"Vanitas," Sora tried again, tried to soothe him from his place. He wanted nothing more than to cross the kitchen and steady the man with his own hands, but he had a bad feeling if he moved now, Vanitas would bolt. So, sitting it was.

"No," Vanitas said once more, more empathetic this time, and gripped the countertop behind him in a white-knuckled grip. He looked at Sora like he was preparing to be shot, which told Sora a few things. Something was wrong and it wasn't just the kiss. He'd triggered something, unintentionally, and surprisingly given Vanitas' obvious shock.

Whatever it was, Vanitas was feeling it very deeply. Sora sat back a little to further take the pressure off and simply studied him, worried about what would happen next, and thinking back on what had happened to lead here.

Flirting. Warmth and grins. Vanitas had definitely been egging him on. Maybe that kiss wasn't planned - in fact, even Sora was a little stunned it had happened at all - but Vanitas had _kissed back._ Which said something too. That for those brief moments, Vanitas had wanted it, so it wasn't just the kiss that had freaked him out. A deeper hurt then.

But what to say to get more than a monosyllable answer?

"Why are you scared?" he asked softly, no hint of judgement in his voice. Not that he was judging anything, but Vanitas was freaked out enough to misinterpret anything, so Sora chose each word with care.

"I'm not - " Vanitas snapped, his usual defense, but stopped himself, which gave away probably more than Vanitas wanted. Sora could almost see it now, if Vantias had ever been cornered like this with Ventus, how Ventus would've pushed to make Vanitas immediately jump to an angry denial. Perhaps not even just Ventus. Maybe everyone in Vanitas' life. But Sora was different, somehow, for him to refuse the lie. But how? And why?

"You are," Sora told him as gently as he could without making the man feel he was being babied. A hard line, but one he'd learned to walk for his siblings. They could be just as touchy about matters of the heart, especially Roxas, and he'd never been more thankful for it. "I scared you and I'm sorry. I'd like to know what I've done wrong…"

Vanitas made a faint growling noise, which made the rest of Sora's sentence fade away. _I can leave if you want me to,_ was how he was going to finish that, but now he knew that wasn't what Vanitas was getting at. And that was a relief. He didn't want to leave, especially with Vanitas like this, broken open and raw over something Sora had done, and knowing Vanitas didn't want it either told him something else.

Sora had spooked him, but not enough he wanted to run from this. He was fighting his instincts, it was clear to see, and he was doing it for Sora. Or maybe _because of_ Sora.

That got him moving, now that he was sure Vanitas had rooted himself. He slid slowly off his stool and moved to where Vanitas was, gently reaching out to anchor his hands on Vanitas' upper arms, firm enough to let the man know he wasn't moving, but soft enough that if Vanitas needed to move away, he could.

Surprisingly, the touch seemed to calm Vanitas a little, even if he didn't seem to know where to look. His eyes flickered this way and that, everywhere but Sora's face, and finally just closed shut, tight and pained.

"Breathe," Sora told him, taking a deep breath through his nose so Vanitas could hear it. "Just breathe."

 _You're okay,_ he wanted to say, even though that was far from the truth. _You'll be okay_ might not work either, given Vanitas' combative nature. So he just gently rubbed his hands on Vanitas' arms and waited, breathing for him, and watching Vanitas slowly match him.

"What's wrong?" he said after long minutes of quiet had passed.

"I kissed you," Vanitas grumbled.

"I remember kissing you first," Sora offered with a bit of a smile, keeping it light. Vanitas thankfully snorted a little, a tiny, fragile tug on his lips answering him, which he considered a win. "Do you wish I hadn't?"

"You shouldn't have."

"Maybe so, but that's my choice," Sora huffed and ducked his head in a bit in hopes Vanitas would open his eyes. This close, Vanitas would have no choice but to look at him, and Sora was rewarded with amber eyes almost shyly meeting his. Shy was definitely not a word he'd have ever associated with Vanitas, but neither was frightened, and for once Vanitas seemed to be both. Sora smiled his best smile at him. "There you are. You were scaring me a bit there."

A soft grunt, but more of a smile now. Good.

"If you want to know why I kissed you, it's because I wanted to," Sora told him, blushing a bit, but seizing his chance. "I've wanted to for a while. For many reasons, i've got a list by now. And it wasn't my plan to put it all out here like this, but I won't regret it unless you want me to."

Vanitas sighed at that, a tad exasperated, but with a heaviness that told Sora he'd scratched the surface of something deeper. What it was, he didn't know, but it was there.

"Do you want me to regret it?" Sora asked quietly, afraid of the answer, but determined to put it out there. If Vanitas didn't want this, then what was the point? He wasn't about to shove his feelings on anyone.

"You should," was what he got for that, worrying, but also a bit of a relief. So, the problem wasn't the fact that Sora wanted this. That was good to know.

"But I don't," Sora told him, reaching up to tug on Vanitas' black bangs. "I don't like that i scared you, but I don't regret how I feel. And I'll say it as many times as I need to to make you believe it."

Something flickered over Vanitas' face at that, something like frustration, and a bit of awe. Surprise. Disbelief.

"Believe it or not, I think you're worth it," Sora told him, face as red as a tomato, he was pretty sure. But he was stubborn and he knew Vanitas could see it, no matter how red he was. "And I'll fight for this if I have to, but if you don't want this, tell me. I'll back off."

He could tell his words were hitting, but he was still… missing something. Something important. And for a horrible moment, he was afraid Vanitas would push him off and hide away, or brush off everything with a sharp smile. They were wavering on a precipice, looking down at an unfathomable below, and Vanitas was the one who could pull them off the brink, or push them over.

He wasn't sure he was breathing when Vanitas gave a long sigh and closed his eyes again. "You're a fucking idiot," Vanitas murmured and it almost sounded fond, if tired. Accepting. So he knew Sora was serious, also a win. Sora managed to breathe a little better at that.

"Probably," he chuckled, and dared to cup Vanitas' face. "But still doesn't change how I feel."

"It should… i'm not good enough for anyone," Vanitas told him with a gravity of tone that told Sora this was a mantra, often repeated. Vanitas believed it, used it as a safety net. Sora understood. He'd done much the same in high school. And there was no way to talk out that feeling. It was something that had to be dealt with slowly, and thoroughly, over months and months. All he could do was offer a reassurance until the doubt came back, then do it again. He hoped he'd be able to have that chance.

"I beg to differ," Sora said, all assurance, and kissed Vanitas' forehead, the way his mother did for him when he felt alone and unwanted. He hoped it brought some comfort, even if he wasn't nearly as comforting as his mother was. No one beat her by a long shot.

"Because you're an idiot," Vanitas sighed and leaned into him a little. "You deserve better."

"You've told me that before."

"And I meant it before," Vanitas huffed like a challenge, close to snapping again. Sora refused to lean back, refused to give ground this time. He wasn't afraid of Vanitas' anger, or frustration, and he wanted Vanitas to see that he could stand his ground when it counted. _Especially_ when it counted.

"What do I deserve, then?" he asked with a dare of his own, meeting Vanitas' eyes squarely.

Vanitas' mouth twisted and again he looked ready to rebel, or run, or fight his way out of this. But he settled on a rather stubborn look, one Sora had seen on his own face many times. It was practically the same on Vanitas'.

"Someone who doesn't eavesdrop to start," he said, defiantly, as though waiting for his words to cause Sora to punch him, or to see the truth that Vanitas saw in himself. Or thought he saw, anyway. "I heard you talking on the phone last night and didn't tell you. I stood there and listened, even though it wasn't my business."

Sora blushed, utterly embarrassed. "Oh? So you knew already… how I feel. I told Riku and Kairi. Did you hear all that?"

Vanitas was frowning now, obviously on edge because Sora wasn't responding the way he'd been expecting. "I knew, and I kissed you, and fucked this all to hell, because you didn't know I knew and -"

"What, do you think you took advantage of that?" Sora chuckled a little. "Because from where I'm standing, I think I more took advantage of _you."_

"I asked for it," Vanitas quipped, growling a little. "You didn't -"

"You didn't either," Sora cut over him with a firm look. "I didn't expect you to know already and in a way I'm relieved. I didn't know how to tell you and make you believe me."

That got him a very frustrated noise.

"Did you fucking miss the part where I said I _eavesdropped,"_ Vanitas voice raised a little, picking a fight. Wanting one, maybe.

"Why did you?" Sora countered calmly, refusing to raise to that bait. "I don't care that you did. My siblings eavesdrop on me all the time. They like to tease me. Is that why you listened in? So you could tease me?"

He knew that wasn't it, because he very much remembered Vanitas putting on a show of just waking up and walking out. He hadn't wanted Sora to know he'd listened in and that meant something.

"You…" Vanitas looked away, uncomfortable. "You looked upset."

Of everything he'd expect Vanitas to say, it wasn't that. He felt something in his chest fill up even more. Joy, hope. Love. it was almost painful. "You were worried about me," Sora breathed, smiling widely. It felt so good to not have to hold back what he felt, so he let it all show.

Vanitas' ears went red and he grunted noncommittally, but Sora knew him well enough to know what embarrassment looked like on him. So he was right.

"You were worried," he said again, love in his face. "Why would that bother me? It makes me happy, Vanitas. You saw me sad and you wanted to make it better. Is that why you insisted I sleep? You were looking out for me."

"Shut the fuck up," Vanitas said, which told Sora he was right about that too. If the situation wasn't so delicate, he'd have kissed the man just for that.

"Thank you," he said instead, meaning it more than he'd meant anything.

"Why the fuck would you thank me for that? I stuck my nose into your business."

"For a good reason," Sora countered, huffing in a laugh. "I can do this all day, Vanitas. I'm not angry. I'm embarrassed, because of what I said to my friends without knowing you knew, but I'm also happy because you didn't react badly. You looked _out_ for me. How could I react any other way?"

 _I'm not Venuts,_ he thought at him, not saying the words, but they were still there. _I'm not everyone else you've met. Please believe that._

"Ventus did," Vanitas said, in fact. "Towards the end. He had reason to be angry when I intercepted calls or eavesdropped. I tended to use what I learned against him, to rile him up."

"He didn't trust you," Sora told him, having heard Ventus say as much all those years ago when the breakup had happened. "He thought he did, but he didn't. Not the way he should have. And I think you know that."

Vanitas made another noncommittal noise and Sora let his hands gently slide from Vanitas' cheeks to his neck, thumbs sliding over his jaw.

"That's what you do," he told him. "You do things to get a reaction. And it sounds like the people you've ever been with have all reacted the same… until me, I think?" he added on, uncertain now. "No matter what I feel, it doesn't change what I've seen. You're saying things you think will rile me up, but… I don't feel that way. I don't feel angry with you. I don't see what you're trying to condemn yourself with as wrong. You did it out of concern for me."

There was fear back on Vanitas' face now and Sora knew he was close. Close to whatever it was. He stepped in a little, smiling his best, most sweetest smile.

"If you thought that was going to scare me off, I'm sorry to tell you the opposite happened," he murmured, face pink. "In fact, I think my heart just fell in love with you again. Sorry."

Vanitas stared at him like was insane. Sora leaned up and kissed his cheek, smiling at the way Vanitas leaned into it, even though he probably hadn't meant to.

"You play the villain to those that see you that way," he said, "but I don't see you like that."

A shaky breath, then Vanitas almost looked angry. Not at Sora, but at whatever Sora was making him feel. "I don't know how to do this," was what he managed to grit out from between clenched teeth.

"Relationships?" Sora guessed, but Vanitas shook his head.

"Love."

"What do you mean?" Sora asked, honestly taken aback.

"I don't do this!" Vanitas barked, nearly exploding in place, and there it was, the root of everything, bubbling out of him in a rush. "Love, weakness shit. I don't know what it feels like, or what it's about. I'm incapable of it! You can talk all you want about it, because you live in it daily. You're made of it. Born into it. Me?"

A harsh laugh, glinting eyes of steel and rage. "Do you actually think love has anything to do with me? Do you honestly think _I_ am allowed to know of it? You're fucked. This is fucked. I can't give you love, so that is fucking why, okay? You deserve someone made of it like you are. I will never know what it is."

Sora soaked that in with no small amount of shock. Is this really what Vanitas thought? His heart broke just imagining what would have had to happen for Vanitas to come to such conclusions and hold onto them with such conviction. A pain that went very deep, indeed.

But...

"Vanitas," he said after a careful moment of waiting, listening to Vanitas breath harshly and seethe. "Are you so sure of that?"

Anger, quick and assured. "Of course I am," he snapped. "I've never felt it, not once. Never known it. And i never will.

Sora felt that calmness again and sank into it, almost feeling like he was out of his body, watching this all from above. He felt a soft rubbing against his leg and smiled a little, which immediately had Vanitas tensing. "So you don't love Gere?"

Vanitas flinched again, obviously thrown off by the question. "You fuckhead, of course I -"

He paused, eyes wide at what he no doubt was about to say. Sora picked up the purring cat and held him, smiling soft.

"Of course you love him," he finished the sentence for him, confident in what he knew was true. "You smile when Gere is around. You gripe and moan about his mob boss ways, but you love him. You took him in because no one wanted him. You framed your daily routine around his feeding needs. You go out of your way to make sure he's happy, and healthy, and worry about him when he's not one hundred percent so."

He stepped in closer and Gere moewed happily, reaching out a paw to Vanitas in demand. Vanitas slowly took him from Sora's arms, like he was a bomb, or perhaps something precious, and looked rather shell shocked as Gere settled there in contentment, purring even louder.

"You have never been loved," Sora told him, heart aching but full of such _pride,_ "yet you love this cat with your everything. How can you doubt you can do this? You give Gere understanding and affection. You look out for his every need. He loves you because you loved him first. How can you say you're incapable?"

'It's not…" Vanitas' voice sounded dry and hoarse, like he'd been screaming on the inside. Perhaps he had been. "It's not… he's a cat, not a person."

"Doesn't matter," Sora said, firm in that. "If you were incapable of love, you wouldn't have even adopted him. Wouldn't care for him. Wouldn't dote on him when he's cute or worry when he's sick. You may be _inexperienced_ with love," he finished with, offering that new word in place of _incapable,_ "but you do it all the same."

Vanitas stared at him a long time, working through something deep and painful. Sora stayed firm and there, hands back on Vanitas' forearms to steady him while Gere purred and purred, obviously only caring his two doting humans were close enough to enjoy both at once. It felt so right to be here, in that moment, and Sora knew suddenly, without a doubt, that this was where he was meant to be. Even if Vanitas refused his feelings, even if this went nowhere further than right now, this was his place, between Vanitas' fears and the truth. And he'd never felt anything so _right._

"You've lacked love in your life," Sora said when it seemed Vanitas was ready to hear it. "That doesn't mean you're the problem, okay?"

Vanitas closed his eyes at that, pained and broken, but finally, _finally_ nodded. Once, curt, but it was there. He'd heard, he'd _listened._ And maybe he didn't believe, but Sora was in no rush. Believing completely took time, especially when it went against everything you thought you knew. He was so, _so_ proud Vanitas was taking that chance.

And then Vanitas was breathing out, shaky and unsteady, and leaning in, uncertain, scared, but determined all the same. Taking the chance, perhaps. Willing, even for just a moment, to try. It was more than enough.

Sora caught his kiss with tears in his eyes, heart so full it ached, and smiled.


	14. Chapter 14

_(A/N: Thanks for everyone's support. This past month has been crazy and stressful but I'm in a much better mental headspace than I was. Life is still rather crazy, so I'm not sure when the next update will be, but I promise I haven't forgotten this little story or my amazing readers here. Thanks again!)_

It'd taken nearly an hour for Vanitas to finally fall asleep, stretched out on his stomach with Gere asleep in the crook of his arm. Sora tucked the covers over the man more comfortably once he'd heard Vanitas' breaths deepen and slow and shifted on his back to check his phone. It seemed a safer option than just sighing gooey sighs over Vanitas' sleeping face. He had a feeling Vanitas wouldn't appreciate waking up to Sora staring at him like a creeper, so, phone.

He kept a hand curled over Gere's head, feeling the cat's shuddery stretch into his palm before settling back into sleep, just as out as his master. Sora couldn't stop a sappy smile at them both and had to force his eyes back to the screen, a blush on his face.

He was sure he was still in a daze of some sort, could still feel the kisses and hear Vanitas' shaky breath between their mouths. It almost didn't seem real. None of it did. And yet, at the same time, it felt so perfectly right. Even if he wasn't sure how they'd gotten here, Sora couldn't deny how comfortable he was to be there. He was where he needed to be. He just hoped Vanitas still felt the same once he woke up.

Thankfully, Riku had finally sent over the promised album which meant Sora could distract himself from worrying too much for at least the next half hour. He had enough battery on his phone to handle the sheer amount of pictures crowding his phone and settled in to enjoy himself, swiping through each picture slowly to take in every detail he could. Gorgeous sights filled his screen and he felt his heart clench with that old envy he'd never been able to fully shake, but found an easy smile for the couple pictures Kairi had no doubt snuck in of Riku and her sparing a few photo frames for selfies.

They looked happy, Kairi rosy cheeked and Riku as joyfully in love as he'd always really been. It was clear in the way he looked at her and in the way she looked at him. Sora's chest ached to see it. Even if they'd used him to figure out their mutual feelings, inadvertently, and even though that still hurt, Sora was even more proud of and happy for them. He missed them too, which was a good sign; missed having his friends in physical range. That hadn't always been the case, but Sora was relieved to find it was true now. He missed them, but didn't _long_ for them, and he had a feeling he knew the reason.

He felt his cheeks go red all over again and snuck a glance to Vanitas, who was still softly breathing into the bed. Sora risked gently lifting his hand from Gere to run the back of his knuckle over the man's cheek and felt like melting where he was. Oh, but he really had it bad.

Returning his hand to the cat, he swiped through the rest of the album, finally feeling tired again. All that emotional drama had taken its toll and Vanitas' bed was more comfortable than Sora had expected. He'd assumed Vanitas would've had a hard mattress, but it was surprisingly soft. Sora had spent the previous night snuggled in as happy as a kitten on a dog bed. Knowing Vanitas was within arm's reach and obviously comfortable enough in his presence to be so only aided that feeling.

Gosh, but when had been the last time he'd felt this way? And had been allowed to feel it? Sora frowned a little at the thought and let his phone rest on his chest, staring up at the ceiling. Honestly, the last time he'd felt so excited he'd dated Kairi in middle school, then Riku in high school. The idea that he could be in love with his best friend had been a source of great joy for him. And a source of great pain when it'd been taken away from him, not just once, but twice.

But it'd still been different, somehow. Perhaps because he'd known them so long, or perhaps because he'd always guessed their true feelings to some degree, no matter how blind an eye he'd turned at the time. Realizing he hadn't been lying to Kairi when he'd admitted never feeling this way about someone before… it was a shock and a very welcome one. Vanitas was a wildcard, to be sure, but Sora almost felt more assured with him than he ever had with his friends. The ways Vanitas reacted to him told Sora that Vanitas' attention was one-hundred percent his when it mattered. And the very real fear that'd been on his face discussing love and feelings, the doubts and awe that Sora could _love him…_ well. There was no guessing true feelings and that made all the difference.

A soft touch on his hand had his thoughts stuttering before he even realized why his heart was singing. His smile was instant and soft as he turned his head to look and seeing Vanitas looking back nearly took his breath away.

"Hey," he said softly, blushing to see Vanitas' finger tracing up and down his own, the source of the touch. He hoped he wouldn't spontaneously burst into goo. "Did I wake you?"

Vanitas shook his head, looking tired, but his brows were furrowed. Sora turned on his side to face him, phone forgotten, and gently curled his hand around Vanitas'. "What's wrong?"

That got him a look, which had him chuckling despite a spike of worry in his gut. Vanitas sighed at him, fond, and shifted his fingers more firmly into Sora's grip. Sora grinned like a loon, which didn't help much, though Vanitas did smile a little in return, and that meant everything.

"That selfless concern of yours must be fucking exhausting," Vanitas said, voice low and rough with sleep. It was also unfairly sexy, something he knew Vanitas was aware of if that smirk that slowly overtook his face was any indication.

Sora tugged on his bangs in retaliation. "It's just who I am," he said, happy to see how relaxed Vanitas seemed with Sora's closeness. So, at least the grumpy eyebrows weren't because Sora was there. A step in the right direction.

"You are exhausting," Vanitas hummed in agreement. The words were not new to Sora, but the way they were spoken _was,_ like, for once, it wasn't a bad thing. That, for once, it was okay. Sora sorta felt like kissing the man for it. He remembered belatedly that he could, in fact, kiss Vanitas if he wanted, and gently leaned in to plant one on Vanitas' nose.

"Sorry, not sorry?" he laughed. Vanitas went cross eyed, ears red, and it was maybe the best thing Sora had ever seen. He tilted his head in more, grinning wide, and almost couldn't kiss back when Vanitas gave him a proper one, his mouth too silly and giggling. Vanitas sighed at him and Sora did his best to stop his giggles as he pulled Vanitas back in for another, breathing in contentment.

"You looked upset again," Vanitas murmured against his mouth, eyes closed and that furrow back between his brows. Sora gently rubbed the crease with a finger.

"I'm not upset," he promised, happy to know it was the truth. Not that Vanitas looked convinced.

"You were glaring at the ceiling," he said, in fact, and Sora had to laugh even if it only got him a scowl. "Sora."

"I am okay," Sora said in reassurance and leaned his forehead to Vanitas'. His heart swelled with the action, as well as the knowledge this amazing man was _worried_ about him. He felt like floating away. "How much did you overhear during my video call?" he asked softly.

"You have two friends in Peru," Vanitas said, a protective edge in his voice. "And your mom is sick."

"Was sick," Sora was glad to correct that. "Breast cancer, though she's been in remission the past year and a half."

"Does your family know?"

It was a surprising question. Sora stared at Vanitas a long moment in awe that he'd caught onto it. "No," he admitted. "Mom wanted it that way."

"But your friends know," Vanitas frowned in near disgust. "And they're in Peru."

Sora wondered if it was bad that he wanted to kiss the man for being so protective. He settled for a sweet, grateful smile. "Riku is a photographer and Kairi runs a travel blog. They've never been good at staying in one place for very long, part of what makes them work so well."

Vanitas was frowning more now, not assured by Sora's smile. "You look upset again," he said, voice flat.

"I'm not," Sora laughed, kissing him that time to punctuate it. "I'm envious of them, I guess. We've been friends since I first moved to the mainland. First friends I made here, even. We always talked about traveling the world together once we graduated high school. Riku practically had a job offer going into his senior year and Kairi was starting to establish herself as a writer online. I'm good with language and cuisine, so that was going to be my angle to help them, but three months before graduation Mom got sick. Really sick. I almost had to leave school, given all the jobs I had to take up so we could keep the house. When graduation came, Mom was doing Chemo and Riku had that job offer."

"So they left you here," Vanitas snorted, unimpressed.

"I told them to," Sora countered. For all Vanitas' protectiveness was endearing, he truly didn't want him to think badly of his closest friends. "Just because my life was on hold didn't mean theirs had to be. And they've done so well for themselves. If they'd stayed, they wouldn't be nearly as happy as they are."

Vanitas finally seemed more forgiving and shifted onto his side with a grunt. Gere yawned between them and stretched out again, not giving up his spot, only further moving into the warmth and space Vanitas gave up. Sora chuckled and pet the cat's ears, then reached up to cup Vanitas' face, smiling sweetly at him.

"There's more to it," he said after a moment of just feeling Vanitas breathe and tracing his fingers over his cheek. Vanitas' eyes were back on him instantly and Sora tried to find the words to what he was about to say. He'd only ever told his mother about his true feelings in regards to Riku and Kairi, but he suddenly knew, without a single doubt, that he wanted Vanitas to know too. And maybe that was a bit counter to not wanting Vanitas to hate his friends, but he still wanted to. After all, Vanitas had shown Sora the most raw edges of himself, it was only fair Sora did the same.

"I had a crush on Kairi first," he started, voice soft. "It started in elementary school. I thought she was the cutest, most gentle person I knew. And she was a trusted friend. I thought falling in love with a person I already held so dearly was the most amazing thing. I asked her out in middle school and she said yes and we were together for half a year. But towards the end, I started to realize I was the one giving the most in the relationship. Not that she wasn't happy, but I just couldn't shake this feeling that she wasn't completely content. We broke up mutually, deciding we were better friends, and we were close going into high school."

He took a breath there, shivering a bit. Now that the words were coming out, he wasn't sure how to get them to stop. "Freshman year was pretty typical, though I started getting a crust on Riku then. Same situation with Kairi, I guess. I wanted to be in love with my best friend. Sophomore year I asked him out and he agreed. Nearly lasted all the way to Junior year, but he broke up with me during that summer. He'd hidden his feelings a lot better than Kairi had, which was part of it, though he was more honest in the end. He realized he'd been lying to himself a long time and that he'd been in love with Kairi as long as I had been, but he hadn't realized the extent of it all until he'd agreed to be with me."

Sora paused again, though now it was for a loss of words. How to describe the two years of high school he spent watching his best friends date? The pain and loneliness he'd never been able to fully shake off, no matter how happy he was for them? The bitterness that they wouldn't wait for him, had left him behind, and he hadn't seen them in person since?

Vanitas seemed to get it, though, and his eyes were bright with anger. "So they hooked up and used you as a stepping stone to do it?"

"I am okay," Sora had to say again before Vanitas furiously called his friends up or something. How embarrassing that would be. "I've had years to get over it, and for the most part I have. Doesn't stop the envy or the regret, but I am happy for them and they are happy for me. That's all I can ask for."

"You deserve better," Vanitas huffed, an echo of their earlier, emotional talk, and Sora smiled lovingly at him, loving the way he got a blush for it.

"I"m not sure about that, but I do know this. If I'd gone with them, I'd have never had this chance with you, and I'd rather be here than in some hot jungle getting bitten by bugs and feeling like a left wheel."

He was kissed for that, almost begrudgingly so, since Vanitas obviously still counted himself as unworthy of Sora. But that was fine, Sora could work with that, and snuggled in happy for more soft kisses that were, truly, worth everything.

And he'd find a way to convince Vanitas of it too. Some day.


	15. Chapter 15

(A/N: I want to apologize for the horrible delay in this chapter. I promise I haven't forgotten or given up on this lovely little story, my life has just been busy. Also, KH3! if you want to flail with me about Vanitas and Sora finally interacting please let me know in the comments, though please specify if you want spoiler free flailing :D)

"Don't give me those devil eyes," Vanitas huffed at Gere as he finished "helping" the old cat with his grooming. Which, by the unimpressed look he was getting, was _wholly_ unnecessary. But today was a big day, given it was Gere's official first livestream, so he was going to look his best by hell or high water, and if his best meant grumpy as fuck but shining and soft and stuffed in the sweater Vanitas had made, then so be it. After all, "You look dapper as _shit_. You're welcome."

Gere blinked at him, mewling in displeasure, but nonetheless allowed himself to be manhandled around, if very begrudgingly so. Vanitas made sure to grab the bag of treats he had on hand as thanks to his cat for putting up with the fuss, though he had a feeling once Gere realized he would be allowed into the game room he'd be forgiven. As forgiven as one could be by a mob boss, anyway.

Grabbing up his headphones and shaking the treat bag, Vanitas moved into his favorite chair and crossed his legs. Gere, as planned, ran after him, collar bell tinkling, and sat down near his seat with a loud ruckus. Vanitas leaned down with a treat with one hand while he pulled a blanket over his lap with the other, the only way Gere would accept his lap-throne.

On cue, Gere hopped up and made himself comfortable, purring like a motorboat. He kneaded Vanitas' leg with squinty eyes and Vanitas knew he was in the clear.

"Sucker," Vanitas snorted, ruffling Gere's black ears, then adjusted his headphones and went online to set up the livestream, all the while telling himself he had scheduled it early because he was bored as fuck and not because that boredom stemmed from Sora being gone. That was too mushy, for fuck's sake, and Vanitas was maybe on his way to realizing some new things about himself, but he was very certain _mushy_ wasn't an adjective he would ever apply to himself. Ever. Period. So there.

It was easier than trying to convince himself he wasn't scrambling for his phone at the text chime. Fuck.

 _You have one (1) new message._

 _Sora has sent a text._

A picture message which proved to be Sora holding another Nightmare plush, one Vanitas could discern from his own by the blue ribbon on its neck, while cheek to cheek with his mom. Both of them with matching grins - the same smile, Vanitas realized. Which was probably for the best. He could count on one hand all the times he'd seen Marcus Uchiyama smile and none of those had been overall pleasant to see or believe.

 _All clear still!_ was typed under the sunlit photo. Vanitas wasn't sure how he knew it, but the words seemed to vibrate with excitement. He wondered how Sora had managed to type it without typos. _Clean bill of health. Nineteen month mark a success!_

Vanitas found he couldn't hate the smile that formed almost instantly looking at the photo and what it meant, even if he _did_ greatly dislike the surge of pleasure he felt when he realized the text wasn't part of group chat. He hadn't sent this picture to those absconding assholes in Peru, the only ones that knew of anything regarding Sora's mom and her cancer battle. He'd sent it, instead, to Vanitas.

But damn if that didn't do things to his insides. What the fuck.

 _The mob boss is rooting for her,_ he typed back, knowing, in that odd way that he knew without knowing why, that Sora would take it the way he really meant. _And holy hell why are you so brown. It's only been two days. Did you fall asleep on the beach?_

That was, of course, safer than saying how utterly, unfairly attractive Sora was with a tan. It made him look healthy, boistrus, and added a new brightness to his blue eyes. It made Sora's mom look better too, now that he thought of it. Thinking back on the photo he'd seen on Sora's phone, she'd been much paler. It seemed they'd both fallen asleep on the beach.

 _You have two (2) new messages._

 _Sora has sent a text._

 _Mom says the well wishes are appreciated._

 _And I was surfing! I tan easily, meanie D_

Vanitas barked a laugh, imagining the pout that went with that emoji. It was far too easy to imagine.

Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

 _It's sexy,_ he sent back, because being a teasing asshole was better than anything else. Not to mention he was _allowed_ to, if Sora's last stay meant what he thought it meant.

He frowned a little once that crossed his mind. For all the kisses and truths and comfort, he honestly wasn't sure _what_ they were. Sora hadn't labeled anything between them before hurrying off to visit his mother for the weekend and Vanitas told himself he wasn't worried about it. Because he wasn't. At all.

Gere mewled again, dragging him back to present, and he realized his livestream was ready to go. He shoved the thoughts away and set his phone to the side on silent. No matter what he and Sora were or were not, it had it's time and place and right now wasn't it. He had an income to earn, after all.

"Sup, losers," he said, falling into the familiarity of it all, smirk in place as the chat started to go nuts. "Special guest today, this is my roommate mob boss. Any harsh words towards him will be an immediate block, so don't fucking push me."

Not that he had to worry about that. Even his more hardcore fans seemed to be charmed, or just didn't care. Which was good, because that was a _very_ real threat. Vanitas could take all the criticisms, all the haters, all the bull, but talk shit about his cat? He'd do more than just block people.

"Shall we get this party started?" he said once more people had filed in and pet Gere's ears in such a way he knew would make the cat meow back, as though answering. It worked a charm and the chat lost its collective shit. Excellent.

He chose Uno to play given it didn't require brainpower, only cursing, and this livestream had a purpose to it, given it was his monthly Q and A session. The fact he spotted Ventus' profile in the forum and invited him into a game was just a total bonus.

" _I can't believe I'm doing this,"_ Ventus muttered when the game connected.

"Cry me a river, golden boy," Vanitas snarked and played the first card of the round. "I know you're on here 'cause you're bored as shit."

Vanitas didn't know it was possible to _hear_ a blush, but there it was: " _Shut up."_

Round one: Vanitas _uno_ , Ventus _nada_. Vanitas laughed at that.

"Alright losers, start with the questions," he told his chat as he did his best to screw Ventus over in the game. For all the man's mumbling, he had to be in a good mood, given the ease with which he gave the shit right back. Vanitas found himself almost enjoying it more, an oddity given most their games he tended to reduce Ventus into a ball of furious rage. He'd always believed that made Ventus a more interesting opponent. But not today, apparently.

The questions trickled in a waterfall, giving Vanitas an ample amount to go through. For being an earlier stream, he seemed to have the majority of his usual streamers and they always seemed to ask the best questions. _ShadowCasts_ came up frequently, as well as his upcoming charity playthrough livestream of _Kingdoms III._ Sora didn't quite make it into his mind again until that came up an hour in and he remembered wanting Sora to be a part of that stream, to hang out during the full day stream to help with Gere, watch him play, and all around chill.

And then, because life hated him apparently, it started.

 _ **GoldenGateMothMan:**_ _so what's the scoop on you and BlueSkies?_

 _ **ChesterSquares3430:**_ _have u seen how big the tag has grown? there's fic now_

 _ **Holly098:**_ _fic? screw that, there's fucking PORN_

Vanitas choked on his spit laughing. "Oh yeah, I'd heard about that,' he managed between coughs.

" _I don't want to know,"_ Ventus huffed and fucked Vanitas over royally in the game. Vanitas flipped off the screen.

"I'm not surprised," he said to the chat and Ventus both, though kept an eye on the flurry of chat activity now focused on he and Sora. A part of him was always curious, he'd admit, to the fan reaction. Sure, they were clearly insane, but hilariously so. And as Sora had pointed out, it felt almost… _good_ to know people believed they'd work. Even if that was completely based on their looks, rather than personalities. Still.

 _ **Stonesolier2000:**_ _are you two dating?_

"Uh…" Vanitas tripped over himself in a sense, fumbling with his mouse and losing the chance to jump in a card in Uno. Ventus laughed like the asshole he was and fucked him over again. Fuck.

Ventus _uno,_ Vanitas _uno._

The chat seemed to divide at that question. The majority were excitedly asking the same, while others were stating it wasn't likely. And a couple stray homophobes butted in. He blocked them with more vindictiveness than was strictly necessary.

"No, we're not," he said, though sounded unsure, even to himself. "I don't think? Maybe?"

It wasn't an answer really. He didn't even know the answer, but the chat lost its minds anyway. He sighed at that, resigned to his fate, and let the chat flounder about like a fish on dry land, hysterical for air.

" _How can you be_ maybe _dating?"_ Ventus said, which brought everything to a mortifying sort of halt.

"You're watching my stream, asshole?" Vanitas said, glad his voice was even.

" _Of course I am. Now answer the question."_

Vanitas growled and considered not answering, given anything he said now would not only be into Sora's brother's ears, but to hundreds of chat members. Did he dare out Sora this way? He knew for certain Sora wouldn't if their places were reversed. Was there even anything _to_ out?

" _Void, stop overthinking and answer,"_ Ventus said again, firmer this time. Vanitas hated the gut reaction that always pulled from him, like Ventus was grabbing his spine and yanking. It was the only part of his childhood he'd never been able to outgrow, that first jolt towards anything authoritative. He hated it, hated that Ventus knew just how to use it. At least he didn't beat Vanitas with a belt while speaking so sternly. That only happened in nightmares now.

"I don't know, okay?" he spat, flipping off the screen again, and felt heat in his ears he loathed instantly. "He never said and I ain't gonna assume shit, so fuck off."

He could feel the smugness coming through his headphones. " _Why don't you just ask him?"_

The chat, unfortunately, shared this view. He flipped them off too.

"Stoop to your level? I'd rather step on a Lego."

" _Pussy."_

"Dickwad," Vanitas countered easily, almost thankful for the jabs. At least this was familiar territory again, and it gave him the excuse to ignore the other pleas in the chat to answer unrelated questions and steer the chat away from things he didn't know to what he did. Games, his cat, his equipment. Not Sora and his impossible eyes and smile and kisses. If sternness made Vanitas' spine rip, Sora's gentleness made him melt. Maybe he was mushy, after all?

Well, FUCK.

Three hours later, he turned off the stream and stretched, playing another card on Uno. Ventus had gone quiet the past hour, but kept right on with his aggressive gaming. Vanitas was almost glad Ventus was still there, a new feeling, but not a wholly unwelcome one. Fucked as that was.

"You've won the last three rounds, don't think that merits me getting the silent treatment," he pointed out with a laugh. He carefully lifted the ends of the blanket so he could rearrange his aching legs without moving the cat, who stayed perfectly content in his little ball of fur. Setting the blanket back down, he played his next card and finally won the round. "That would, though."

" _Fuck you,"_ Ventus sighed, but there was a smile in his voice. " _You're playing really bad today."_

"Ouch, goldie," Vanitas snarked. "Maybe I'm going easy on you."

" _You never go easy on me,"_ Ventus said and Vanitas heard the barest chime of his phone over the line. " _And I never go easy on you."_

Vanitas sat up a little straighter. That smugness was back.

"What did you do," he asked immediately. Ventus just stewed in his smug assholeness a moment longer before:

" _Check your phone."_

Vanitas blinked, then cautiously looked over at it. It was blinking, the red little light almost omnious, and hesitantly grabbed it.

 _You have seven (7) new messages._

 _Sora has sent a text._

 _You're making me blush in the middle of the hospital rude._

 _And hospital as in the treatment center, I am okay i promise :D_

 _I just realized it was your livestream day, I hope it goes well!_

The time stamps changed dramatically after that one where Ventus obviously interfered.

 _Ventus told me the chat is hounding you about me. I feel like I should be sorry, but then you started the tag so :P_

 _He also told me you're losing at Uno XD_

Another timestamp jump, and then Vanitas' world came to another screeching halt.

 _I feel I need to apologize. I just realized I never… officially asked you out? God, I am the lamest boyfriend ever?  
I mean… if I may be your boyfriend. Please?_

Vanitas stared a long time, long enough he forgot to play a card and his turn drew cards for him. Ventus laughing had him scrambling back to present. Gere mewled as he was jostled and shot him a dirty look, but stayed stubbornly in his lap, kneading his leg once more.

"Shut the fuck up, Ventus," he growled into the microphone, even as he typed a reply.

 _Yes._

" _You're welcome,"_ was the reply he got. Vanitas flipped off the screen one more time.

Ventus _dos,_ Vanitas _uno._

Asshole.


	16. Chapter 16

_(A/N: This chapter includes an original language I made up. Insipried by the native Hawaiian language. Thanks to all my lovely readers, please enjoy!)_

Two hours into bed time and Vanitas was no closer to falling asleep than he'd been in the middle of his live stream. Staring at his phone, which stayed perfectly blank, he absently pet Gere's ears as his cat slept on, obviously not as hung up as Vanitas was on the whole go to sleep on time thing. Lucky little bugger.

Vanitas felt his chest swell with a warm, encompassing emotion even amidst the soft frustration he felt that sleep just wouldn't come. Love, huh? What a concept. Perhaps Sora had opened his mind to the possibility he wasn't as broken as he'd thought, but he still was reluctant to accept it. Gere had been, until Sora, the only exception ever. Perhaps Vanitas had even known his true feelings - that 'L" word - for the grumpy mob boss on some subconscious level. He'd admit to being surprised - shattered, even - by all the things Sora had gotten through to him, but loving his cat? That at least hadn't been much of a surprise, now that he could look back on it. Startling, for sure, but not a surprise.

Sora, on the other hand… the little devil had swept Vanitas off his feet like he was some damsel in fucking distress. Vanitas hated that he didn't hate it at all. What the fuck.

But the evidence was plain. He was bored without Sora there to tease; he acted like an idiot each time the phone chimed with a text. There was an almost yearning growing inside him that he was determined to ignore, but that didn't stop the final piece of proof: his sleepless night.

The bed was still soft as ever, still warm and welcoming. But as he sank into it, all he could think of was Sora sleeping there with him, an echo of his scent teasingly so close, but so far away. It was fucked, but here he was. Waiting for a text that probably wouldn't come, because maybe he was an insomniac in spurts, but Sora needed sleep, especially dealing with hospital shit. And that was that. So suck it up, Vanitas. Sora may be throwing the curve balls left and right, but he still knew how to survive on his own. By himself. Alone. No problems. So there.

He'd nearly convinced himself of it too when his phone gave it's signature _pling_ for a text. He stared at it, dumbfounded, before cautiously grabbing for it, then shot up sitting in disbelief because there was no way, _no fucking way_ he got to have this.

 _You have one (1) new message._

 _Sora has sent a text._

 _You up?_

Vanitas sighed a little, because what the fuck was Sora doing awake? The Islands were an hour behind the mainland time, but that still put Sora in the _go the fuck to sleep_ zone. And he told him as much. He winced the moment he sent it. Talk about bullshit romance, if that could even be classified as such. Sora deserved softness, but there was none to be found in him, he'd just made that clear.

He flopped back over with a groan into his pillow and slapped his hand around blindly for his phone when it went off again, this time with a call. He frowned as he answered it, immediately on guard. "What's wrong?"

" _Hello to you too,"_ Sora said with an obvious smile and Vanitas could breathe again - a bit deeper even. Damn it. " _Just couldn't sleep. And for the record, you're up as well. Everything okay on your end?"_

"I'm pretty sure college turned me into some sort of weirdass insomniac," Vanitas gruffed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "Sometimes I sleep all night and then some. Sometimes I pull twenty-four hour plus stints. It's fucking ridiculous." Not as ridiculous, of course, as the fact that he'd yet to pull a sleepless night or morning while Sora was there. And he'd never know that ever. Fuck.

" _Yeah, same,"_ Sora chuckled. " _Not that I finished college, but spending nearly two years there was enough. Not that I can mind it much if I get to spend some time talking to you."_

Vanitas felt his chest swell again and he rolled onto his stomach to smother the feeling. "You're mushy as shit," he said, all fondness, and smiled as he felt Gere move to sleepily lay on his lower back, purring around a yawn.

" _I blame my mom, she read me all the fairytales growing up,"_ Sora laughed, free and easy, and Vanitas closed his eyes, imagining the wide, toothy grin no doubt accompanying it. It was far too easy to picture. Oh but he was truly fucked, wasn't he?

"She's created a monster," Vanitas said, listening harder at the warm chuckle that got him. A hint of… something was behind Sora, a soft almost static with a rhythmic flux. The ocean, perhaps?

" _Tease me all you want, but you agreed to date this monster,"_ Sora pointed out and sounded like he was on cloud nine just saying the words. Vanitas hated to admit he felt the same. " _What does that say about you, hm?"_

"Obviously I'm insane and shouldn't be trusted to any capacity," Vanitas teased dryly, focusing hard on that ambient noise he could barely hear. Was Sora watching the ocean? Feeling that salted breeze against his hair? Listening to Sora laugh was like a portal almost, sucking him in, taking him there. What would that even be like, to stand with him on the sand, feel the water wrap about his ankles? To watch Sora surf and know he was allowed to tease and stare? To feel safe in doing so?

Safe. He turned his cheek against his pillow and thought on that, letting the beach dream fade to black. That was a word he never thought he'd associate with the beach or to a relationship with another person. But he couldn't deny that's what he felt. Safety. Warmth.

Fuck, had he ever felt that? The last time he'd walked a beach, he'd been with Ventus, and he'd been too on guard to even hold his hand. Before that, trips to the beach had been highly chaperoned affairs with his foster siblings. Back then, the knowledge that if they fucked anything up they'd be sent to a new, worse place had kept them in line. The beach hadn't been anything more than a way for his foster parents to let them run amok while still maintaining an iron grip, invisible and terrible. His mind still flooded his spine with goosebumps just thinking on it.

" _Vanitas?"_ Sora's soft voice jolted him out of that. " _Are you still awake?"_

"I'm here," Vanitas said, voice a little tense, but relieved. He was here, not there. He was here, with Sora, with Gere. Safe.

" _What are you thinking about then? You got really quiet on me."_

He hadn't the strength to go into any of that, he knew, but it felt cheap not answering with some truth. So he admitted the baseline, "Just trying to remember the last time I went to the beach. That's either the ocean I can hear, or I'm fucking hearing things that aren't there."

" _It's the ocean,"_ Sora confirmed with a soft laugh. " _The treatment center is on an overlook, so the rooms all have a seaside view."_

Vanitas closed his eyes, forcing himself away from the dark beach of the past to a moonlit room with Sora, watching the waves roll. He even felt his fingers curl into his pillow as his mind touched Sora's smile.

" _I wish you could see it too,"_ Sora murmured, sighing a little, but his happiness was clear. " _You and Gere, though I doubt he'd appreciate all this water."_

"You'd be right about that," Vanitas chuckled, voice low and husky with that sexiness he just couldn't turn off. Not that he wanted to. Or had to. "He'd bathe in dirt if he could, like some sort of fucking bird."

" _I could see that,"_ Sora said, voice dropping into that sexiness that was one hundred percent intentional, the minx. Vanitas shivered despite himself.

"How can you be so unfairly sexy on cue?" he grumped.

" _How can you be so unfairly sexy without even trying?"_ was Sora's counter and _hello husky voice kink, you can fuck right off, please and thank you._

"Says the asshole that slept in my clothes, in my bed, and woke all my kinks up without trying," Vanitas sassed back, then paused, thinking that over. He snorted out a laugh. "Which you've yet to explain, by the way, you troublemaker. Why the hell were you even _in_ my clothes?"

An embarrassed squeak answered him, which was amazingly satisfying. " _I-I…"_ A low groan. " _I promise it wasn't for some weird reason. I promise! I just… I don't like sleeping in the clothes I'll be wearing the next day? And I was sorta on autopilot, I think… it wasn't until I woke up I really realized what I'd done."_

Another soft noise, this one more uncertain. " _I'm sorry?"_

"You're an idiot," Vanitas chuckled, letting him know he didn't care. How could he? It'd been to sexy to be mad about. Or not dream about later. It'd be a new constant in his life if Vanitas had any say in the matter.

" _You're dating this idiot,"_ Sora huffed, obviously grinning again, relieved and happy. " _Your taste in men is alarming, Vanitas."_

"Maybe, or maybe it's the best," Vanitas said, trying for that soft he didn't think he could do. It didn't turn out too bad, he thought, even if it sounded more like a challenge. Oh well.

Sora went quiet at that, perhaps in surprise, perhaps to blush and sputter. Vanitas couldn't tell. " _No one's ever said that to me before,"_ he admitted after a moment and Vanitas maybe wanted to punch someone. Like the Peru Idiots. That'd be nice.

"Your taste in men is alarming, Sora," he gave it right back, protective now.

Sora was instantly soothing and sweet. " _No regrets with you though, so I must be doing something right."_

Fuck, that was smooth. Vanitas groaned and buried his face into his pillow. How could someone that flustered so easily be so damn good at this? Fuck fuckity FUCK.

"Rude as shit," he said before he could think of something much nicer to say. Somehow, Sora took it how he wanted, laughing a delighted laugh that slowly tapered down into a warm, happy quiet.

" _I wish you were here,"_ he said softly. Vanitas wondered if he was imagining the longing he thought he heard in his tone.

"I am there," Vanitas promised. "Me and Gere. We're there bothering you until you're back home again."

" _It won't be much longer,"_ Sora promised. " _Though I need to get back to my projects. But I want to see you soon. Both of you, if I may?"_

"You'd better," Vanitas snorted. "You'd be a terrible boyfriend if you didn't." And that was fucking weird to say. He hadn't had a proper boyfriend label since Ventus and there'd been nothing proper about them. Not like this.

" _Boyfriend,"_ Sora hummed like a dope. " _I'm your boyfriend."_

"You're my idiot," Vanitas corrected, more because that word was swiftly getting embarrassing as shit.

" _Boyfriend,"_ Sora giggled again, then the phone clicked as a couple of voices called out. Sora called back in the Islander language, capturing Vanitas' attention fully.

"You'll have to teach me that sometime," he said. "Sexy as fuck."

" _I can,"_ Sora said readily, a bit too eager. Vanitas wasn't the only one with a language kink here, it seemed. " _How about something simple? É'elana ché."_

" _É'elana ché,"_ Vanitas repeated, slow and stumbling.

" _Good morning,"_ Sora explained. " _É'elana dō'hana."_

" _É'elana dō'hana..._ Good night?"

" _Good afternoon, actually,"_ Sora chuckled. " _Well, literally it means 'happy sunshine'."_

"Happy sunshine?" Vanitas repeated dubiously. "You pulling my leg, asshole?"

" _I'm not!"_ Sora insisted, laughing now. " _I promise that's what it means."_

"Can't be," Vanitas smirked, seeing his opening. "Obviously that's what _your_ name means."

Another squeak, then a fumble as Sora probably dropped his phone. Vanitas laughed in victory.

" _That was mean and way too smooth for my nerves to take. I can't even be mad I almost broke my phone,"_ Sora pouted.

"You're welcome."

" _Lupa-ke hāg in'dega,"_ Sora said. " _That means you're a meanie smarty pants."_

"You just totally called me an asshole, don't even deny it," Vanitas started to laugh.

" _I'm sticking my tongue out at you,"_ Sora told him, then laughed too. Then shushed himself, which was a bit too adorable. " _Stop making me laugh so much, I'll wake up the whole treatment center."_

"Not sorry," Vanitas said, because he wasn't sorry in the slightest. Sora called him that name again, then sighed.

" _I should be getting to bed soon, though,"_ he said, obviously reluctant to go.

Vanitas felt the same, so sudden it felt like someone was jerking his heart. "Me too," he said, nonchalant, though his voice felt too heavy. "Go the fuck to sleep and text me when you're up."

" _I will,"_ Sora promised. " _É'elana thō. Good night."_

Vanitas closed his eyes, letting himself root into that fantasy of standing near Sora, kissing him, touching his face. It sparked that jerk in his heart again, even as his chest clenched so painfully it was hard to breathe.

Love, huh? Could he really…?

He stared out his window, out at the stars, the moon, knowing Sora was looking at them too, and sighed softly as something inside him gave in.

" _É'elana thō."_


	17. Chapter 17

_You have three (3) new messages._

 _Roxas has sent a text._

 _Xion and I are coming over._

 _Here, but of course you're sleeping. I swear a herd of elephants could barge in and you'd keep sleeping._

 _DON'T LOOK AT YOUR EMAIL. WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T._

Sora blinked blearily at the texts, confused as to why Roxas was using capslock - which he never did - and what it had to do with his email - which Roxas had no access to. Not the best thing to wake up to after a post-video nap. His brain still felt fried after all that editing.

Instead of trying to puzzle it through, he opted to let his meddlesome siblings answer that for him. He offered his newest dragon plush, Newman, a smile, checked the doll to make sure nothing had cracked during his nap, then shuffled out to where he could hear Roxas and Xion's voices coming from his kitchen. He found them muttering to each other over a laptop. _Sora's_ laptop, to be precise.

"Why are you in my email," he decided to go with, not wanting to think the worst of his siblings, but given they'd already bypassed his password to get into his computer... he sighed and scratched at his lopsided hair, making a beeline for his fridge for some chocolate milk.

"As if I'd hack into your email," Roxas huffed, just as Sora knew he would, even though he was snooping in Sora's business anyway. He even managed to sound somewhat offended, which Sora didn't buy for one second. As such, he sent his younger brother a look over the rim of his glass. Roxas crumpled instantly. "I didn't hack your email. Xion did."

That was decidedly worse, given she was a _wiz_ at hacking. Sora's computer was easy prey compared to what Xion usually dealt with. " _Xion."_

"I had a good reason!" she defended, cheeks pink and eyes earnest. Sora also crumpled. Dang it.

"I'm waiting to hear this reason," he reminded them both, rubbing his forehead tiredly. "It'd have to be good for you two to break into my laptop. Is everything okay? Did something happen to Dad?"

"Nothing like that," Xion promised, which was at least some relief, even if Sora's relationship with his father was fractious at best. He was still his father. "It's more…"

"It's Youtube and you don't need to get involved," Roxas said decisively, Protective Brother ModeTM activated. That was never a good sign.

"I really want to know now," Sora huffed, shaking his head and went for his phone. "You realize I can just ask Vanitas -"

"Don't!" they both said in unison. Really not a good sign.

"Now you're just freaking me out," Sora felt the beginnings of panic setting in, ice cold in his chest. "Stop it, what's going on?"

Xion and Roxas shared a look. "He's going to freak himself out if we don't," she whispered, which was ridiculous since Sora could still hear her.

"Fine," Roxas whispered back, doubly ridiculous. If Sora didn't want to smack their heads together, he would've laughed. Slowly, Roxas turned Sora's computer so he could see. It looked rather normal, a comments page. The comments from his newest video, to be precise.

Sora blinked at it dumbly. Roxas gave a exasperated sigh and pointed.

"Ship war," he said with the gravity of one announcing the death of a loved one. Sora immediately wanted to snort.

"O...kay?" he said, not really getting it. "Why is that so bad? It happens all the time."

"It's hate mail," Xion said softly. "From people who ship Vanitas and Ventus."

Well. _That_ was like being socked in the stomach. Sora felt winded. "I mean… it was bound to happen," he managed weakly, because a part of him had expected it. He'd been vaguely aware of the WaywardVoid shippers since the tag had started years ago. He'd have been a terrible brother if he hadn't, given Ventus had through a fit over it. And ship wars _were_ a thing…

"Hate mail?" he asked quietly, feeling that part of it the most.

"It's just stupid people being stupid," Roxas said firmly, getting up to steady him. He made Sora look at him and gripped his arms. "It means nothing. They're dumb. They don't know the history. Obviously we all know how Ventus and Vanitas really went."

Sora smiled a little at Roxas' determined face, so like Ventus', but all the more precious for these moments of connection. He could remember a time when Roxas didn't talk to anyone that wasn't family, and even then it felt like a privilege. Like you were _chosen_ to be talked to. Getting this concern was a gift and Sora hugged him for it.

"You two are ridiculous," he said, lifting his other arm for Xion to slip into the hug, which she did with a soft giggle. He kissed the tops of both their heads. "Thank you for looking out for me, even if it was bound to happen."

"You're taking this well," Roxas mumbled, lifting his head to give Sora a lookover. He looked ready to pat him down. "Are you in shock?"

"He's in shock!" Xion gasped.

"I'm not in shock," Sora sighed at them, grabbing their flailing hands. "You two are _ridiculous."_

"You said that already," Roxas sighed, hugging him again with Xion tucked into his side. Sora just smiled and held them until they were ready to pull back.

 _You have one (1) new message._

 _Vanitas has sent a text._

 _I've been told to tell you not to look at your emails. Ventus is on the warpath. What the fuck is going on?_

Sora laughed a little and moved to his laptop. Roxas and Xion immediately blocked him.

"Please don't read it!" Xion pleaded. "It's stupid but very mean."

"Total assholes," Roxas agreed.

"I was just going to put my laptop back in my room," he chuckled, but backed off. "I need to talk this through with Vanitas, see what sort of response we need to put out there, if any. You two are welcome to stay and purge my email, if you haven't already." Given the guilty looks they shared, they already had. "Then go restrain Ventus. Who knows what he's doing about this."

"Terra and Aqua have that covered," Roxas said immediately.

"Really, then why is he ordering my boyfriend around?"

Xion gasped a little. "Oh dear."

"You guys know it takes at least four people to hold him down," Sora snickered, having no pity on them. "Go get Axel, make it five."

They were out the door in a rush, making him laugh. As promised, he simply shut his laptop and moved to his room, wanting nothing more than to read whatever hate mail had put his siblings up in arms. But he didn't, forced himself out of his apartment, locked the door, and headed to the bus stop.

 _Sorry, got jumped by my siblings. Apparently we've started a ship war. Got some hate mail._

He paused a bit, realizing what he was doing, and bit his lip. _Can I come over?_ Never mind that he was already headed that way. Man, but when had this route become so ingrained in him? When had this been his preferred place to go? He didn't even know where he'd head to if Vanitas said no.

 _You have one (1) new message._

 _Vanitas has sent a text._

 _Are you fucking serious? Get over here, we need to report some assholes._

The relief Sora felt was immense and a little silly, but he was grinning as he boarded the bus and scanned his card. Taking a seat, however, his mind began to worry, and wonder, and he had nearly twenty minutes to stew.

Just because he'd known about the WaywardVoid shippers didn't mean it felt good to know they were so opposed to he and Vanitas that they'd sent him hate. Granted, he hadn't read any of it, so he didn't know the depth of it - or if his siblings were seeming overeating, as they tended to when they went into protective mode - but it still… _stung._

It was his own fault, he knew. He'd started to see his own shippers as some sort of confidence, relying on their comments as a source of affirmation of his relationship. They didn't know the facts. They didn't see anything more than two handsome faces and lighthearted fun in a few videos. He and Vantias were so much more than what they put online, but still. It'd been a source of comfort, that he was on the right track.

Knowing that there were people so opposed to him… it hurt. It made him sick. And worse, it made him doubt. What did they see in Vanitas and Ventus he didn't? Was it like the VoidSkies tag, based solely on looks and some interactions? But then again Vanitas and Ventus had _years_ of online interactions… plenty of fodder for the fans.

What did the WaywardVoid shippers hate so much? Was it merely because they didn't want competition, or did they see something else?

He was very much overthinking it by the time he got off the bus, mind a raincloud, foggy and slick. Sora didn't know what to think or feel. It was stupid to be upset, he knew that, but it also felt stupid _not_ to be upset. Hopefully Vanitas would take charge, as his tone in the text had implied he would. Even if Sora couldn't have comfort from the fans right now, he'd always have comfort in Vanitas. That was more than enough.

The moment Vanitas opened the door, Sora felt like he could breathe again. If Sora's mind was full of rain, Vanitas' face was a storm. Definitely taking charge, then.

"Sit," he said, handing Gere off to him like the purring cat was a teddy bear. By the happy way Gere kneaded Sora's chest, he had a feeling Gere didn't mind one bit. Sora went to do as he was told, moving towards the living room, but stopped short on the threshold.

The sight of a fuming Ventus in Vanitas' kitchen stole his breath all over again, the air lodging in his throat. All those doubts flooded back and he pushed them away, hating himself for them and the fear they stirred up. So unfounded, yet persistent. Logically, he knew there was nothing to worry about. Emotionally, he was a wreck. Double dang it.

He sat numbly on the couch with Gere tucked into his chest. The cat purred and purred, as if sensing his distress. Sora smiled in gratitude and pet him, kissed a spot between his ears.

"That should be the last of them," Ventus huffed, rage in his voice, but satisfaction too as he typed something on his laptop, and Sora looked over to watch the two of them curiously. They made a striking couple, he'd always thought that. Light and dark, smiles and scowls. No wonder their shippers were so crazy.

"Good, make sure they never bother him again," Vanitas growled, eyes flashing as he took the laptop to check it over. "Why the fuck do we inspire such idiotic fuckheads?"

"Hell if I know," Ventus scowled darkly, though his face softened when he noticed Sora watching them. "Sorry, Sor, about them. They've been insane since day one. I didn't think they'd come after you."

"I did, but not like this," Vanitas was practically seething and Sora felt that worry melt away as love oozed in, helping him breathe again. "I'd do more than block those assholes if I could."

"Was it really that bad?" he asked, voice a little hoarse.

"You didn't read it," Ventus breathed in relief instead of answering. "Thank God."

"It was that bad," Vanitas thankfully answered him, still shaking in rage. Sora quickly got up and handed Gere off to him to calm him down.

"It's done with now," Sora said, finding that calm he always managed to find for Vanitas' sake. He still felt terrible, but seeing Vanitas' worry and anger on his behalf had no right to be as soothing as it really was. And it went double for his brother's equal rage. He hugged him in thanks. "Everyone is looking for you, by the way. They know how you get when you're angry. You might want to turn your phone back on."

"You know me way too well," Ventus sighed, but did as he was told. He made a guilty face as it immediately went off with notifications and missed calls.

"Go on, we're okay," Sora promised him. "And thank you."

"You know there's nothing for you to worry about, right?" Ventus said, hesitant to go until he said that, it seemed. The sight further warmed Sora and he nodded, looking over at Vanitas.

"I know," he said with conviction and watched Vanitas' shoulders relax. "Sure I was a little worried, but more because I wondered what about us could set them off so badly."

"They just can't stand the thought their perfect ship isn't canon," Ventus rolled his eyes, looking disgusted, and gathered up his things. "And they'll never know that it used to be."

"But never will be again," Vanitas huffed, jaw clenched.

"Exactly," Ventus agreed and shook his head. "I need to get back to everyone. Promise you'll delete all the messages from your phone without reading them?"

"I promise," Sora said readily, more to see his brother further calm down. He waved as Ventus let himself out, then gently pulled Vanitas down into a kiss. "I'm okay," he said, glad it was true. "I panicked for all of ten minutes, moped the other ten, and got over it. I promise."

"If they knew how it was, they'd have nothing to stand on," Vanitas said, letting Gere jump to the kitchen island. He crossed his arms in the absence of something to hold. "It's something I'll never go back to, and neither will he."

It occurred to Sora, then, that this reassurance was as much for him as it was for Vanitas himself. If Sora had been rattled, how badly had it hit Vanitas? To read comments on how his ex, who'd made him miserable and had made just as miserable, was a better match than Sora? Sora wasn't sure where Vanitas ranked him, but it had to be better than that, right?

"Stop overthinking," Vanitas growled and grabbed his hands. "You're upset and it needs to fucking stop right now."

Well, that was the answer, wasn't it? Sora smiled wide at him.

"I'm okay," he promised again and it was more true than it had been the first time. He leaned up on his toes to kiss him once more and smiled as Vantias breathed deeply into it. " _We're_ okay."

And crazy fans aside, they were.


	18. Chapter 18

"Hey crafties! Welcome back to my channel; I'm so glad you could stop in!" Sora gave his usual opening and wave to the camera, smiling wide as he imagined all his favorite viewers who would probably comment later on it. "Today we're doing an updates video, since I'm falling a little behind this week, but making up for it by doing two projects instead of one. Also, wanted to take the time to address some questions that have been coming up."

That was an understatement, but Sora would get there. For all the hate mail fiasco in his comment section, his own fans had vehemently risen to his defense - according to Ventus - and had proved themselves true friends and allies - according to Vanitas. So they would get an understatement, instead of the full force rage that Vanitas' fans were getting.

Sora almost felt sorry for them, but couldn't quite muster it. He couldn't stand bullies, especially when they put people he loved into such a state. Vanitas hadn't been quite… _right_ since the incident, angry and in protective boyfriend mode while, at the same time, almost closed off. He was obviously struggling with the knowledge their relationship was under fire. Probably didn't help him feel secure in his own feelings. Again.

Sora made sure his smile didn't falter as he went on autopilot, talking about the squishy octopus plush he was in the middle of sewing, explaining the process, then moving on to the turtle, which was more involved, with clay feet and face. He was loving how the face turned out and proudly showed that off, before setting it aside to go through the common and popular questions he'd gotten off his more recent videos. They were, thankfully, basic. Where did he buy his craft supplies, what sort of modeling clay did he recommend, did he like using Etsy as a platform. He went through them with detail, then shifted on his seat of pillows to get down to the real reason this video was going up.

"I also want to take this time to talk about the recent shipwar that more or less exploded on my page," he said, still smiling, but with more seriousness in his voice. "Thanks to everyone that stood up for me. I really do appreciate it, though in the future I'd rather you all just let me know when those sort of comments come up so I can block and erase them. Bullies need attention to fuel themselves. If we work together to ignore and block them, they won't have ammo. At least over here. I'm not sure what Void will be doing on his end, but that's for him to work out over there. Same with WaywardWind. If you want to let them know as well when you see hate comments, you're welcome to. Just know I've adopted an ignore and block attitude about this whole thing. Still, thanks again to all my friends here. It was nice to see you standing up to the bullies. I seriously have the best fans!"

He chuckled a little, truly happy about that fact, and felt a blush coming on. "As for Void, since I know you all really want to know, we are, in fact, dating. Have been for a couple weeks now. It was a bit of a shock to get hate that early, but this is YouTube and it's to be expected. But it's not unfounded hate in a sense: we are together, we are dating, and WaywardVoid will not be a thing. Actually, Wayward is getting married - which he told me I could say on here, so please go drown him in congratulations. He really deserves it!"

His smile went a little wicked. Ah, but he loved being the annoying younger brother sometimes. And playful pranks were the best ones. He couldn't wait for Ventus to see all the random congratulations in his inbox.

"And to everyone wondering, I am okay. My siblings found the hate mail before I could read it, as did Void and Wayward. They kept me from reading it and deleted the comments before I could. Not that I wanted to. If anything, i wanted to read all you guys' responses. Void said you were all wonderful, which I knew already. Void and I are okay too. We're not letting this get between us, even if he's still upset about it. We'll be just fine, so thank you everyone."

He said that last bit with every ounce of confidence he had and held up his creations to the camera. "Until next time, keep on crafting!"

Counting out a three second beat of smiling, he let out a sigh and moved to turn it off. Pulling it free from it's tripod, he checked over the footage, glad to see he got it all.

"I meant what I said," he smiled as he heard the soft shuffle of feet at his door. "We're okay. At least I am. I know you're still furious, but I want you to know I don't love you any less."

A grunt. "Mushy as shit," Vanitas muttered, coming over to peek at the camera, chin on Sora's shoulder. "How the fuck did you manage to do that in one take?"

"Practice," Sora laughed, tilting his head to rest against Vanitas'. "Lots and lots of practice. Too much, if my father is to be believed. I was doing videos instead of school. Whoops."

"Your father is an asshole," Vanitas huffed at that. "College is overrated anyway."

"Says the very successful YouTuber. I barely make bank with each paycheck." Sora reached up to tickle the man's neck, which didn't really work. Vanitas wasn't ticklish in the slightest sense, but seemed to enjoy the light touches regardless. His eyes were already starting to droop. Sora grinned. "You are such a cat."

Vanitas made a purring noise that Sora laughed at, delighted.

"In my past life, more than likely," Vanitas yawned, though his shoulders were tense. Sora could feel it each time the man breathed.

'Hey," he murmured, turning in place to plant a soft kiss under Vanitas' jaw. "You know we're okay, right? I really don't care about the hate mail anymore and it doesn't make me feel pressured or anything. I don't love you less, I mean that, truly."

Vanitas' neck went red, as well as his ears, and he turned his face away. "I do know," he huffed, though still sounded like he was convincing himself of it. It was still progress and Sora was proud of him. He went on tiptoe to kiss his cheek, little kisses like his mom gave him, until Vanitas turned his face back so he could kiss him proper.

"You can let Gere in now," Sora chuckled. "Or is he still busy staking a claim on all my furniture?"

"He was rolling on the couch when I came in," Vanitas told him but opened the door anyway. "Ey, mob boss - _Jesus,"_ he flinched a bit as Gere bolted in, meowing happily. He didn't quite pout as Gere immediately went to Sora. "Well, fuck me I guess."

"Don't worry, you're still his number one pet," Sora cooed as he picked up the cat and gave him a good scratch behind the ears. "I'm the extra sucker that pets him."

Gere mewled in agreement to that and Vanitas finally softened which was good to see. Sora smiled big at him, love in his eyes, and got another blush from the man. Extra progress.

And that was a weight off Sora's shoulders, seeing the almost shy look he got from his boyfriend. They really were okay. Stronger, even.

"Here you go, Gere, a nice cushy bed to roll on," Sora set him down. Gere did just that, sniffing the blankets before flopping and rolling. Definitely staking a claim.

Vanitas was behind him again and Sora leaned back against him, sighing happily. "Thanks for bringing him over. Surprise, for sure, but something I needed."

"It was about time he took over your place too," was Vanitas' response to that, which Sora took as _you're welcome._ "One house isn't big enough for the mob boss."

Sora laughed at that, cozy and content, and wondered how it was possible to feel so happy. "Still, the next time you sneak him onto the bus in your jacket I want to be there."

Vanitas smirked, proud of his deviant ways, and nodded before plopping his chin back on Sora's shoulder. "You can, actually. Vet appointment next Wednesday. Just a check up, but you're welcome to come with and watch him butter up the vets before attacking."

"Oh dear," Sora snickered, because that was too easy to imagine. "He's really picky about who he likes, isn't he?"

"Fucking trust issues," Vanitas agreed. "Hard to tell who he'll like. Not Ventus, but definitely you."

"Pot, kettle?" Sora teased. Vanitas gave him a confused look.

"The fuck?"

"It's an idiom," Sora laughed. "The pot that called the kettle black, when they're both black. So basically in describing Gere's ways, you just described your own."

Vanitas scowled at that, a playful light in his eyes. "Shut the fuck up, Sora."

Sora giggled at his pouty face. "You know it's true!"

If Vanitas was the type of person to stick his tongue out, Sora had a feeling he would have. Instead, he got his arms under Sora and swept him off his feet so effortlessly Sora immediately _meeped_ and held on for dear life. The smug look on his boyfriend's face said more than a stuck out tongue ever could.

"Oh my gosh, that is so unfair," Sora blushed, covering his face as he was unceremoniously dropped on his bed to bounce.

Vanitas just laughed, full and wholeheartedly, and laid down next to him, careful of Gere who quickly climbed over Sora to sit on the pillow. "Your face!"

Sora was the type to stick his tongue out and did so. "Meanie pants."

"I am," Vanitas agreed. "A true _loopa-kay hag indeega."_

"That was terrible," Sora laughed and snuggled in, his forehead resting close to Vanitas'. He looked up into those amber eyes he loved so much and smiled. " _Lupa-ke hāg in'dega,"_

"Yeah that," Vanitas said, letting his forehead press to his with only brief hesitation. The progress, it seemed, was coming in leaps and bounds today. He was obviously trying to say something, letting Sora see him so vulnerable. Sora thanked him with a soft kiss and a hand cupping his neck.

"You're a great boyfriend," he murmured happily, eyes closing in bliss. He felt Gere settle down in the pillow above his head, little feet kneading his hair, and breathed out slow, never wanting the feeling to end. "I want to stay like this forever."

"You'd get bed sores," Vanitas pointed out, but his voice had gone fond, if not soft. Sora loved it all the same, the ways Vanitas showed he cared. Little teases, the faintest shift of tone. He was proud that he could discern them. Maybe he himself wasn't a bad boyfriend either. He dearly hoped so.

"I'd say worth it, but my mom had bed sores once," he made a face and looked up at Vanitas again. "Wasn't a fun time."

"They aren't," Vanitas agreed, and Sora was concerned to hear it sounded like he spoke from experience. Sora knew Vanitas had had a troubled childhood, but was it possibly worse than he feared? After all, it'd convinced Vanitas he unworthy of love in all it's measurement, even incapable of it. Sora didn't want to think about what sort of evil Vanitas had had to face to reach that belief.

"Then we'll stay like this for about an hour," Sora compromised, giggling a little to bring back the lighthearted atmosphere he'd worked hard to get since the hate mail incident. Having it now felt like a gift and he was determined to hold onto it. "Then get up to feed the mob boss."

"You're an idiot," Vanitas told him, all fondness now, and Sora grinned like a dope.

"Your idiot," he said and snuggled in close. He could feel Vanitas go tense a moment, then relax, lips brushing his temple.

"My idiot," he breathed out, soft and slow, like he was just fully realizing the fact. "Mine."

Sora was certain if he smiled any wider it'd fall off his face and get lost somewhere in the folds of the blankets.

"Yours," he breathed back and slowly felt sleepiness creep in. He shifted into the man's warmth. "Maybe more than an hour, I think. I want to fall asleep like this."

"And you say _I'm_ the cat," Vanitas huffed, but only settled in more as though to agree on the impromptu nap.

"Meow."

"That was way too fucking adorable, don't do that again," the man complained in exaggeration, arm slinging over his side. Sora, of course, didn't listen, just lifted his head and grinned a wide grin.

"Me _ow_."

"Little shit," Vanitas shoved his shoulder a little, laughing, and gave no protest as Sora rolled him onto his back. He didn't even seem to realize Sora was looming over him until the kiss.

He went a tad stiff, mouth parting in surprise, but Sora didn't press the advantage, just kissed him softly and settled on top of him.

"If I squish you, push me off," Sora said, half a dare, half earnest truth, letting Vanitas know if he was uncomfortable down there, he had the power to move him any time, but not wanting Vanitas to take that easy out. He wanted trust.

And it's what he got, given the way Vanitas relaxed back into the bed. Sora wanted to fly.

"You're a fucking feather," Vanitas said, voice a little gruff and hands a little shaky as they settled on Sora''s hips, uncertain. "You need to eat more."

"Funny, because my family all says I'm a bottomless pit," Sora snickered, hands folding on Vanitas' chest and chin resting on them. He'd always suspected this sort of position would throw Vanitas off, but seeing it first hand was concerning, as well as thrilling to know Vanitas trusted him at least this much. It hurt to think what could have happened to make him so guarded, to make him always in the dominant role as a defense mechanism. Just another thing they'd have to work on freeing him from.

"That's true, but how much of that food actually stays," Vanitas relaxed even more with the playful bantering.

"Considering how fast I inhale it, probably none," Sora smiled, proud and pleased. "I don't love you any less," he said again, eyes soft. "What happened, happened. It was out of our control. We're just fine."

Vanitas stilled, but nodded, looking up at him. Something seemed to settle in his eyes, fingers easing where they'd unconsciously clutched at Sora.

"We're fine," he repeated, and finally seemed to believe it.


	19. Chapter 19

"You are _ridiculous_ , fucking hell," Vanitas huffed as he wrestled his cat into his harness. Gere mewled in loud protest and stayed in what Vanitas liked to call Limp Noodle Mode, just laying there and not being helpful in the slightest. Made trying to buckle all the straps a real pain in the ass, for sure. "God, it's like you _know."_

"He probably does," Sora stood by laughing, because he was obviously a traitor. "Cats can tell when their humans are upset or nervous and we both know Gere can read you better than anybody. He probably knows that when you're nervous it means he's going to the vet."

As if to agree, Gere gave another one of those loud, unhappy mewls and it went straight to Vanitas' heart, like fuck.

He hated to admit to it, but Sora probably had the right of it. Gere usually loved their outings, meowing at the door every time Vanitas so much as grabbed the harness. But vet days were always different and it always had Vanitas in various states of mess. He knew that cold panic in the chest feeling better than anyone. It stemmed from an oppressive childhood and only grew more pronounced with age. Where any and all possessions he was allowed to have were meant to be protected at all costs. The fear that they would be taken away was always present and right now was no exception.

Nervous? He was a fucking _wreck._

"There, finally," he muttered when the last clip went together. Gere gave him an unimpressed look as he gave a little tug on the leash and stayed laying there, defiant old fart. Vanitas opted to just pick him up and tuck him into his arm like a football.

Sora opened the door for him, still looking amused, but didn't say anything about Vanitas' frown, or even the way his leg bounced in nerves once they were at the bus stop and waiting on the bench. He opened his jacket for Gere and hid him inside, zipping it back up so the cat was cocooned. Only then did he realize Sora had gently laid his hand near him, a silent offer to hold if needed, and maybe panicked a little all over again.

"It'll be just fine," Sora assured, even though his hand was being ignored. He seemed fine with it, way he always was. It put him on edge as much as something in him soothed. "He's probably just biding his time to attack the poor vet techs."

Somehow that soothed Vanitas more, but he didn't think he was ready for the hand holding. He kept his hands firmly around his middle, holding his cat, and hoped Sora wouldn't get up and leave in disgust at his lack of basic boyfriend etiquette.

Sora didn't, of course he didn't. Just turned his hand back over and laid it on Vanitas' thigh, achieving contact for them both without Vanitas having to go out of his comfort zone. Fuck, how did he do that? And so effortlessly?

How could he find contentment in the meager offerings Vanitas could give? Even didn't give? Sitting on the bus next to one another, Gere asleep in his jacket and Vanitas very decidedly not holding Sora's hand, Sora still looked in love, even more so somehow. He took a billion pictures on his phone like Vanitas was some sort of instagram cat star.

"You two are so cute," he gushed, making one of the pictures his background. Vanitas felt a flush of pleasure at that, even as his face went a shade of red he would deny to his dying day. "You should make a YouTube account just for your cat."

"He'd take over the internet," Vanitas snorted, because it was true. Gere would be an instant success and Vanitas didn't feel like sharing him with anyone that wasn't Sora. Another something to deny forever. "The internet isn't ready for the ultimate mob boss."

"I agree," Sora laughed and set his head on Vanitas' shoulder. "You hanging in there okay?"

"He was underweight last visit," Vanitas heard himself admit. He wasn't even sure how the words came so easily. "Don't need a vet drilling me on how to properly feed my own cat."

"I'm sure he's fine this time," Sora was quick to reassure. "He's been eating like a champ."

"Damn right he's fine, I calculated his food to fucking perfection," Vanitas growled a little, more at the vet techs that pissed him off last time than anything else. "If the vet says he's underweight again I'm gonna lose my fucking mind."

"It'll be fine," Sora chuckled and pat his knee in support. "You're a great cat dad."

Vanitas preened a little hearing that and peeked into his jacket to check on his sleeping cat. "Damn right I am."

Sora gave another of his giggles and reached over to pet Gere's ears, drawing a few stares from around the bus. Vanitas glared at them until they looked away and maintained that glare all the way to the vet, inside the waiting room, and throughout the appointment. He didn't let his face relax until the vet confirmed what he already knew: Gere was back up to weight and doing just fine. He even managed a laugh when Gere waited until the last second to swipe at the vet, finally out of Noodle Mode and into Hissy Noodle Mode.

"I told you it would be fine," Sora smiled as they returned to the bus stop, this time with Gere trotting along happily on his leash, now that he knew the vet visit was over and done with. He drew even more stares as he hopped up Vanitas' torso to his shoulders and laid down, purring like a motorboat.

Sora scratched under Gere's chin. "It's cool that he knows how to be on a leash."

"Most think it's weird, but it's damn helpful," Vanitas huffed in pride. "I take lots of hikes in summer and this way I can take him with me."

"Without worrying that he'll take on a bear or something," Sora finished that thought, laughing.

"Oh, he still does that," Vanitas found the tease and opened his jacket again. Gere wiggled his butt before hopping down into it, little paw coming to rest on Vanitas' stomach. Vanitas felt his heart clench all over again.

How had he ever thought such a feeling was something other than Love? Sure, that was still a concept hard for him to grasp, but now that Sora had opened his mind to that truth, he could no longer attribute it to anything less. Except maybe his past, which had only served to make him overprotective and forever afraid of losing all he had, Gere included. _Sora_ included.

He looked down at Sora's hand as they took the bus home. Sora's head was on his shoulder again, a dopey grin on his face, and didn't seem to realize his hand was up on his lap again. Or perhaps that was intentional, who knew? Sora was more devious than Vanitas had given him credit for, yet he didn't force any advantage. Just waited for Vanitas to make the move, to close the distance, like he was slowly teaching Vanitas it was okay to do so.

How was he real, seriously? And why the fuck did he want to be with _him_ of all people? A stupid idiot too scared to even hold hands? Too proud to admit he was scared?

Fuck, he was more than a wreck. He was obviously broken.

"Vanitas? You okay?" Sora murmured, looking up at him with those impossible eyes. Vanitas sighed at him.

"What is okay?" he asked, the words tumbling out instead of the deflection he'd planned. He frowned at himself, but the damage was done, and refused to look at his boyfriend. "Because I doubt I've ever been okay."

"Fair enough," Sora mused and sat upright again, turning his body in as though to shield Vanitas from the bus, from the world, even. "This isn't just about the vet visit, is it?"

"Yes and no. I don't like feeling like shit," Vanitas shrugged, because that was a truth he could admit to gladly. "I don't want some asshole thinking I don't take care of my cat."

"Understandable," Sora smiled at him. "They don't know you and Gere whatsoever. They only see him when something is wrong, so they don't see all the good times."

Vanitas swallowed, words screaming to come out, but forced himself to just nod and give Sora an amused look. "You should be a therapist or some shit, because holy fuck."

Sora turned a hilarious shade of pink. "Yeah, well, I just say what I've been told," he admitted softly. "When my mom was sick, I went to a therapist to help deal with the stress. A lot of what I learned I try to give to others. Especially those I care about. I don't see therapy as something I have to hold in, but something I have to learn from and use like a tool."

"Forget therapist, you should be the next Buddha," was what Vanitas said to that, mind whirling at the thought of Sora - warm, compassionate, hurting - stuck in a white room scared out of his mind and a doctor - cold, calculating, sterile - laying all his emotions bare. It made him shiver just thinking about it.

'Who would follow me?" Sora laughed that off. "Besides, I don't think I could sit still long enough meditate. And I definitely couldn't be a vegetarian."

Vanitas crinkled his nose at the thought, earning another laugh, and felt a smile coming on, so easily. He looked down at Sora's hand again, wondering why it didn't seem so daunting now, but still couldn't quite make his hand move.

Sora leaned his head back on Vanitas' shoulder. "You know, my mom wants to meet you."

Vanitas raised an eyebrow. "You think that's a good idea?" he asked, and a spike of anxiety pushed its cold fingers into him again.

Sora nodded with a sleepy smile. "I'm going next weekend if you want to come with. I asked around with the staff and doctors and they said you could bring Gere as long as he stayed in her rooms."

The rush of emotion that created was startling. Vanitas stared at him a long moment, wondering how in the hell Sora was real, was with him, and cared enough to ask that Gere could tag along. It showed a level of love and care that Vanitas wasn't surprised by, given it was who Sora was, but somehow still shocked him that he was someone Sora constantly thought of.

"I don't know," he managed to say, voice a little too hoarse for the tease he was going for, "meeting the boyfriend's cat. Are we ready for that, Sora?"

"I don't know," Sora echoed him, grinning. "What if she falls in love with Gere and gives _me_ the shovel talk?"

"She will," Vanitas hummed. "Gere will capture her so completely she'll threaten you not to break his heart."

Sora's hand was on his thigh and squeezed, his smile radiant and sweet. "I guess I'd better not break his heart," he murmured and leaned up to kiss his cheek. Vanitas turned into it before he could get his mark, capturing his lips with his own instead. He delighted in the little squeak it earned him.

"Tell me," he purred a little, preening, "how someone so confident can be such a mouse?"

"Have you _seen_ how sexy you are?" Sora huffed, puffing his cheeks and blushing hard.

"I do have a mirror, so yes," Vanitas huffed back and leaned over to nip a spot behind Sora's ear. Sora squeaked again. Ah, finally some common fucking ground.

Well, at least, that was what he'd hoped. Instead, with red cheeks and ears, Sora leaned up to return the nip, then kissed the spot and pulled back when Vanitas went stiff as a board.

"Turnabout's fair play," he sing-songed, the jerk. Vanitas flicked his nose and just got a laugh. "Tell me, Vanitas, how someone so confident can be such a mouse?"

A loaded sentence if there ever was one, but somehow vanitas knew it was given as both an option and an out, all in one. He could use it as a segway into what really lay in the dark corners of his heart, or he could laugh it all off. Once more Sora had found that comfortable middle, neither asking or assuming, just being, and it felt suddenly cheap _not_ to give in.

But the words were stuck.

He'd only told Ventus, so long ago, and it'd been easier then, because he'd still been in the mess of it, screaming for release. Ventus had offered him a way out of that life, out of the hell of his daily being, and Vanitas had needed it then. But he'd come so far on his own, he feared going back into that dark hallway would only regress him back to the pitiful nothing he had been. No, no he wasn't ready for that. He doubted he could ever be.

"Minx," he breathed out, too soft for the tease to be truly effective, and hoped his smile was good enough. By the way Sora lit up, it was, but it still didn't feel… _enough._

Fuck, why was he so bad at this? Why did he have to overthink the stupidest things? Just take his hand you fucking damned coward, just take his hand - _oh._

A gentle squeeze made everything sort of stop. He looked down, surprised to find his fingers laced with Sora's and realized, belatedly, that that was the reason Sora had lit up, not his tease. He'd grabbed Sora's hand while trying to be soft. To be someone Sora could be proud to call boyfriend, and he'd done it without thinking.

Maybe he wasn't so broken after all.


End file.
